'AITA for asking my husband to cancel our anniversary trip to Everest?'
"AITA for asking my husband to cancel our anniversary trip to Everest?"
I got married recently and my husband is an amazing soul. He is very thoughtful and loves to show love with small presents or acts of service. We also are both big travelers and that’s one of the many reasons why we connected so deeply on the first date.
One major difference in our travel styles is that he prefers art, culture, architecture, shopping, beaches and while I love those things as well, 30% of my trips are around hiking. I’m not a good hiker but I visit Colorado, Montana, northern UT/AZ etc for hiking ~1-3x a year.
Since he pays for a lot of the daily recurring costs I have been paying for most of our recent travels. But, he wanted to plan/pay for the two bigger trips for our delayed honeymoon and also our wedding anniversary.
One day he shared a link to a guided hike to Everest Base Camp in a group chat with the one friend I went to the Peru hike with. I didn’t think much of it other than casually saying “yeah sure let’s do it,” thinking he’ll probably circle back if her really wanted to do it.
For context, my husband’s longest hike has been around 4-5 miles, at maybe 8,000 ft elevation. He is reasonably in shape as we go to the gym together 5x week to do HIIT classes, but he does not do anything for endurance training or focused cardio.
Well fast forward to last month. He told me he paid for the $800/person deposit. I was surprised that it costs so much since I haven’t done research on the tours, and so I start researching.
Then social media algorithms picked up my interest in Everest and started me down the rabbit hole of people dying on Everest (summiting, not base camp, but it’s still creepy!) and also the 1,000 folks stranded just trying to reach Everest Base Camp.
Apparently people die on Mount Everest each year. While summiting vs reaching EBC is very different, the recent news of folks being stranded on the mountains while just trying to reach EBC is not helpful.
Plus husband hates: camping (no showers), bad food, when his head is rained on…and also gets low blood sugar if he doesn’t eat a snack first thing in the AM. The hike to EBC is a 8-9 day hike at very high elevation, in the cold, with cold pizza & fried rice, and sub-optimal showering/sleeping conditions.
My husband got majorly hurt that I showed him videos of people dying, people having a bad time on the hike. He took it as an affront to his planning skills and his fitness levels since he wanted to plan a trip that has personal childhood meaning to me (my parents used to collect plant samples in the Himalayas when I was a kid) and also share something romantic with me in a sport I enjoy doing.
The EBC hike is very very very different in terms of endurance, food logistics, and more than the Peru hikes though, and I just feel like with his preferences and physical condition we shouldn’t chance it. Now he’s hurt because he spent $1,600 and I just insulted him basically. I don’t really want to go after doing a thorough research. Am I the ahole?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ZooAnimalOnWheels said:
I'm not going to call you an ahole, but tbh, "yeah sure let's do it" sounds affirmative to me. Personally I'd be double and triple checking before spending $1600 on a deposit but depending on your finances that may not have seemed necessary.
How far away is the trip? Is it possible for him and you to train yourselves up enough to do it? If it's far away maybe training for it WAS part of his planning process.
CardamomMountain said:
You're exaggerating the risk here, it's not summiting Everest. The base camp trek is not dangerous in the slightest - it's just long because you go slow to acclimatise. The snow storm last week was a freak event, not the norm. The food and accommodation at tea houses is also really good...
It's a guided tea house trek with hot food included (it's good food if you like Nepali food), there is no camping. YTA it was a really nice gesture considering he isn't as into hiking and you should go it will be amazing.
frodosbi said:
I’ve done the Everest hike. It’s not difficult and I saw people of all ages and fitness levels on the trail. Elevation/altitude sickness can be an issue but you can’t train for that. Groups account for that by having 2 acclimation days built in to the itinerary. The food is simple and healthy and hot. Why would you go to Nepal to eat pizza?
Calling off a hike to the foot of Everest because you saw a video of people dying while summiting is like being afraid to fly on a plane because there is no air in space. YTA. Stay at home if you’re scared. Stop holding him back.
ssgtdunno said:
Make sure you discuss how each of you interpret the word “sure”, and also realize that you did give him the green light to plan it. He’s not experienced enough to make an informed decision about an advanced hike, so you need to ensure you give clear and direct messaging from the beginning. It’s a $1600 lesson for you both.
Spare_Ad5009 said:
NTA. You should have told him no originally. I can't imagine anyone who doesn't like camping who wouldn't be miserable. You could tell him you could go to the Himalayas in nicer weather, but won't do the camping or strenuous hikes in high altitudes. Choose a fun hotel and explore the culture with minor hikes.
On the other hand, you could go to prove your point. He won't like it and he will need to carry lots of snacks. But I'd just tell him you are scared and let him get over it.
CoolHandJack13 said:
YTA- your husband is being wonderful by trying to do something YOU like for your anniversary (while it seems he would enjoy museums and sightseeing more). Also it is unlikely y'all would die heading to base camp. And it seems like to said you wanted to do the trip in the group text thread.