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'AITA for asking my husband if he did anything for Mother’s Day?' 'I feel like I'm crazy right now.'

'AITA for asking my husband if he did anything for Mother’s Day?' 'I feel like I'm crazy right now.'


"AITA for asking my husband if he did anything for Mother’s Day?"

My husband (42m) and I (35f) had a son last year, so this is my first Mother’s Day. We both work remotely. In April he was on a business trip for a few weeks, while I held down the fort (working remotely while taking care of baby). He’s not the kind of person to really care about holidays, so two weeks ago, a few days after he got home, I told him I cared about Mother’s Day and what I wanted for Mother’s Day...

A couple small things including pictures, a new thermos, and to do something together as a family. We’ve had a busy couple of weeks with him settling back in. He does look after baby a lot, but I take bedtime and nighttime duty, and also do a lot during the day. We both cook a lot, and we both do a lot of the chores.

On Mother’s Day, I woke up early to feed the baby. My husband was a little awake, so I asked him if I should expect anything for Mother’s Day and if he got anything ready. This is because I honestly would prefer to know so I’m not disappointed. He told me “when would I have the chance?”

And started getting upset. On the one hand, I don’t want him feeling bad, but on the other hand he has had two whole weeks to do something, and he could have told me he needed to spend more time out and I would have looked after baby while he did Mother’s Day errands.

He got really upset with me and told me that he never had time. I asked him if we could come back to this conversation later, and that I was sure we would do something for Mother’s Day. But I don’t know if my tone wasn’t right but he got very upset and said that I was abusive, because I was always doing things like this and making him feel really bad.

I apologized and said I never want to hurt his feelings, but he scoffed at that and asked if he should expect this for the rest of his life. Then I asked him to step out of the room to calm down while I got the baby back to sleep. After some more back and forth he did, and I’m sitting here writing this now.

I honestly try to be reasonable and listen really carefully to what people I love say, but I feel like I’m crazy right now. AITA for asking my husband whether he got anything ready for Mother’s Day first thing in the morning, and for pointing out that he had two weeks and was out multiple times in that period?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

peggingpinhead said:

NTA. You made it clear that Mother’s Day mattered to you and he chose not to make the time to plan something. He is in the wrong. The fact that he called you "abusive" for registering your feelings reads as manipulative and gaslight-y to me. He feels bad because he did something bad, not because you ‘made’ him feel that way.

prairiemountainzen said:

NTA. Wow, he did nothing for you except pick a completely unnecessary fight on your *first* Mother's Day and then somehow turned himself into the victim? That's really low.


Father’s Day is coming up. You are just as busy as he is. Take your cue from his behavior and act accordingly when Father’s Day arrives. Passive Aggressive? Probably. Fair? Absolutely.

Initial_Pen2504 said:

NTA. We're adults and we ask for what we want. he could have scheduled a breakfast date. or ordered in and pampered you for a couple f-kin hours. He didnt even try. This will be emblematic of your relationship forever.

Why would you want to be with someone who doesnt celebrate you. If I get my wife a $5 pack of press-on nails and a drink from starbucks shes giddy all day. Everyone has different standards but it's the not trying for me that really hurts. That dude is a dildo.

Isyourmammaallama said:

Nta and his anger at this is not ok.

Automatic-Newt-3888 said:

NTA. Mother’s Day happens around the same time every year. He’s had since you were pregnant to plan something for your first Mother’s Day, even if it wasn’t exactly the items you suggested.

I’m sure you would have been happy if he had put in some, any, genuine effort on his own, without needing to be promoted and reminded. It’s not about the specific present requests, it’s about acknowledging the day and it being the first one, especially.

Instead of taking responsibility and apologizing and trying to make the most of the day, even without any gifts to give, like going out to get lunch or something, he instead picked a fight and claimed non-existent abuse to deliberately ruin the whole day.

Everyone was unanimously on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this couple?

Sources: Reddit
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