'AITA for asking my husband to take our son to the hospital with him while I'm on bedrest?'
"AITA for asking my husband to take our son to the hospital with him while on bedrest for serious knee injury?"
48hrs ago my left knee began swelling severely to about the size of a softball. I received emergency care during this first visit having the excess fluid drained being given a splint to keep my knee from bending as well as muscle relaxers and strong pain relief.
Less than 24hrs later my knee has swollen again to the same size we head back into the ER and my knee is drained again, I am given pain relief, and told I am not to walk at all.
I am then told they would like to admit me but have no beds so I am to be admitted next morning. We are a military family currently stationed abroad so we need referrals for continued care after emergency care. Our hospital on post is not equipped to continue my care it is very small we are directed to receive referrals and go off post.
That brings us to this morning. My husband wakes me up and says he is going to run to the hospital to work on my referral. I ask him to please take our 3yo son with him as he hates sitting still, being cooped up in our bedroom even with screen time, and (he’s only three very natural) he wants to play.
He doesn’t always do so safely which is okay because he is only three and doesn’t know better. I am also taking meds that make me quite drowsy. Couple that with the lack of sleep due to pain and not being able to get comfortable I know as a parent it is not safe. My husband says to me “so I am not to leave the house ever without my son” quite angrily.
I again explain about my condition, bedrest, and fear that if something is to happen I cannot walk to help him and if I do I will worsen my injury. My husband then says “no you’re just being lazy” so can someone with fresh eyes please tell me if I am indeed wrong. I do not mind being wrong at all so please be honest. I just feel that for my safety and my son’s it was best he go with his father.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
repulsive_barber5525 wrote:
Your husband just doesn’t want to deal with a three year old in those circumstances. Something mothers do all the time. He is the one being lazy. You do not need to be left alone with him in your condition. Tell this lazy man I said so.
Breezybuttons0926 wrote:
Your husband is an AH and you will spend the remainder of your life as a single mom if you stay with him. You will be doing everything for your kid (or kids if you have more)and he's not going to do anything.
I bet you already do everything; taking care of the kid, taking care of the house, dinners, any pets, etc; while he does nothing to help ever. Honey, this is your wake up call. He's not supportive and unless this was truly a bad one time off type of attitude (which is highly unlikely) he's never going to be.
AgentRock44 wrote:
NTA. Everything you said is right. I just wanted to mention though that your husband’s reaction is concerning to me- first he jumps to the extreme that he can NEVER leave the house on his own because you asked him to take the kid this one time… and then the name calling. He’s trying to manipulate and gaslight you into getting what HE wants. This is abusive behavior.
The fact that you’re even questioning if you’re right when logic says you are makes me think that this has been probably going on for a while. I was in a relationship with someone with NPD and I used to go through this all the time (and made excuses for the behavior too). Now I’m not necessarily saying that your husband is, but it is the same type of behavior.
Individual_Check_442 wrote:
NTA. Let me guess - he’s not typically the one that chases your 3 year old around the house and so he doesn’t know what it’s like, that’s why he’s calling you lazy? I can totally understand why he doesn’t want a 3-year-old with him when he’s going to work on your referral but he can handle the kid better than you can - your knee is destroyed and needs to rest.
Naive_tip9634 wrote:
NTA. Ma’am, quite frankly, your husband behavior and comments for a simple and reasonable request are alarming. You’re injured and 1. Are not able to help your son if something happens and 2. Are tired and groggy and deserve rest. To add insult to literal injury he calls you lazy?! What’s your husband’s problem?
espressothenwine wrote:
NTA. A three-year-old needs constant supervision. You are not able to do that at the moment. It's not even safe. He should call family or a sitter, or take your son with him. He should figure it out. You are on bedrest...and medications.
Crimson_Knight004 wrote:
NTA. Your husband was unreasonable and not taking his duties as a father or spouse seriously. To call you lazy after witnessing firsthand what you’re going through, and to be perfectly willing to leave your son with you when you weren’t in a state to properly care for him, ignoring his son’s safety entirely, are all horrible things to do.
I’m hoping he’s stressed out and had a (very) bad moment rather than this being a pattern. It doesn’t excuse this at all, it just means hopefully it will be something you two can work through when you’re up for it.