'AITA for asking my husband to confirm our son's eye doctor appointment that he scheduled?'
"AITA for asking my husband to confirm our son's eye doctor appointment that he scheduled?"
AITA here? A few days ago, my husband made a yearly eye exam appointment for our son. Today while I was working, I received a voicemail from the eye doctor's office asking to call back to confirm the appointment. (I am unable to answer my personal phone during work hours, so call went straight to voicemail.)
During a quick work break, I forwarded the voicemail via text to my husband - as he was the one that had originally made the appointment and I had assumed would be the one taking him as well.
My husband replied to me via text "You can confirm that" to which I replied "Not your secretary" . Later that night, I told him his text upset me because it made me feel like I am supposed to be his personal secretary.
He said he expects me to confirm the doctor appointment since I am the mother & they called me. I explained that since he made the appointment and would be taking our child to the appointment, that he needs to followup and confirm the appointment.
We got into a huge argument over it. Ultimately, I said that we would have to agree to disagree, but I wasn't going to confirm an appointment I hadn't scheduled. I said I did my part by forwarding a message that was for him - him being the person that scheduled the appointment.
I also stated that IF I had been able to answer my phone, I would have told them to call him to confirm and given the office his phone number to call him. So again, I was firm in believing he should be the one to confirm the appointment.
I then expressed that I felt appreciative that he took the initiative to schedule the eye exam appointment and I was assuming he was taking him too. To which he said that hasn't been determined yet.
I was now further upset if he thought I was supposed to take my son to the appointment as I wasn't consulted on the day/time for the appointment to begin with. (FYI, the appointment was scheduled on a Friday & my husband has off on Fridays. So I know darn well he was planning to take our son to the appointment.)
Somehow, the argument turned into why I hadn't made the appointment to begin with since I'm the mother. The argument got way out of hand over a simple routine eye exam. AITA for forwarding the voicemail to my husband and expecting him to handle the confirmation?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
This sounds like it’s something more than the eye doctor.
Parents should share things with their kids as close to 50/50 as possible. With every, “well, you’re his mother”, I would respond with, yup and you’re his father, glad we have our roles straight, like wtf? 100% NTA.
Just a further note - he gave them your number when he made the appointment. So he always intended you to be the secretary. NTA.
NTA. I’m a stay at home dad so the traditional roles are reversed. If I make the appointment, which is most of the time, I confirm and take the kid. But this is my job. On the rare occasion my wife makes the appointment, she does it.
Before we made the decision for me to stay home, we were comparably busy. Then it was whoever made the appointment, be it doctor apt or play date, did the stuff. If you both work, why is it the mother’s job?
If Dad is taking his son to the appointment, he should be the one to confirm. The mother wasn’t in the loop, and wouldn’t know if her husband’s schedule changed. Had she confirmed and there was a schedule conflict with her husband, they likely would have incurred a stiff fine for a no-show. NTA.
NTA. Husband set it on a day he (apparently not you) can do it because it’s his day off. Not only ARD you not his secretary, I doubt you have a crystal ball to know whether he can, in fact take him.
I had to re-read, because this sounds exactly like an EX-husband using his kid as a pawn. That’s really concerning. The answer would be different if there had been some communication about it.
NTA. A penis is not a deterrent to making doctor's appointments. While society is getting better about not assuming women do all of that stuff, we need to speed this up.
My father's sister used to complain about how it's the wife's duty to write the thank you notes. I explained to her that my brothers are literate as well and the only reason she ever heard from us was because of my mom, not her brother.
There must be more going on between you and your husband. If it were just confirming the appointment I would say you’re making it a big deal out of nothing. However I think you feel taken advantage of and your needs disregarded. Time for counseling.
ESH. This sounds like it's about more than the eye appointment. He is the one who should confirm the appt, since he's the one who picked the time and presumably will take your son to the appt.
Your comment "Not your secretary" was unnecessary and a bit petty. You're assigning bad intention instead of miscommunication. A simple "I can't, not allowed phones." Or "You scheduled this one, can you call them". Anything that pushes the task back to him without attacking him for (I'm assuming) previous times that similar situations have happened.
And him assuming you should have made the calls is a sign he has some weird gendered expectations. Both of you should be contributing to the health of your son, it's not a woman's responsibility. You probably need some counseling because it sounds like resentment is building between the two of you.