'AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop talking about my body while I'm training for my sport?'
"AITA for asking my boyfriend to stop talking about my body?"
I am a semi pro athlete in a weight class sport, and after YEARS of working with my coach we discovered the best method for me to make weight is to do a calorie cut to get me to around 13-15% body fat which for me PERSONALLY is below my healthiest percentage, but high enough that I can still perform and I water cut the rest of the weight.
Please note, I only stay at the low body fat percentage in the weeks before my competition then I jump straight into a high calorie diet to gain a healthy level of fat back.
My sport has nothing to do with looks and is strictly a performance sport, but I particularly love how small my boobs get, because at a healthier percentage they become quite large to the point I have considered a reduction. My boyfriend knows this.
I am now at my lowest weight I will be until my next comp, and he started making comments about how he's "so excited" for my weight to come back up so my boobs get bigger. I told him he's welcomed to think that, but please don't say it as its oddly frustrating for him to wish (out loud) for something I dread most about gaining weight.
After I asked him to stop talking about my chest, he stopped directly commenting on it but would drop comments like "Just imagine how great you'll look next month" while staring directly at my chest. So that turned to me asking him just not to comment on my body until after I've performed.
He got quite frustrated with me and said its unreasonable for me to expect him to say nothing about my body. I don't totally disagree, but I also feel that if he can't do it without innuendos about my chest that he should probably just stop? I'm not asking him to stop commenting on my body forever, but to just sort of wait.
The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.
DinaFelice wrote:
"He got quite frustrated with me and said its unreasonable for me to expect him to say nothing about my body."
"No, it's unreasonable for me to expect you to think nothing about my body because you cannot control your thoughts. But speaking is an action. And while I cannot expect you to be a mind reader and guess which topics are hurtful to me, I absolutely can expect you to stop bringing up a subject that I have explicitly explained causes me emotional distress."
NTA. At this point, his "argument" is that he is literally unable to control his own actions when he is thinking about or seeing your body...apparently, he doesn't realize how frightening that argument would be if you took him completely seriously.
I suppose the 'good' news is that it is likely that he isn't seriously claiming that he is unable to control his actions...but of course that leads to the bad news that he doesn't care that it distresses you to make these comments (or perhaps, that's the goal).
gnatdump6 wrote:
NTA - it’s kind of sad that it seems like all he cares about are your boobs being big. What if you got cancer and had mastectomies or what if you decided to stay slimmer, would he not be OK with that? I think we all have preferences on what our partners should look like, but reality is we love them for who they are. All the comments on your chest size are strange and would make me uncomfortable too.
Astraltarantula wrote:
NTA.
“It’s unreasonable for me to expect him to say nothing about my body.”
No??? It's??? Not??? Is this person not in control of their own faculties? Is he under a curse and can’t shut the f up? (Maybe that one). Is one of you in some kind of Truman show and this has to be done For The Plot? Somehow I doubt all of them. If you point out something he has TOTAL CONTROL OVER is making you uncomfortable and you want him to stop, that should be the end of it.
That’s like a bare minimum respect kind of thing. Would you do the same to him if he said he’s self conscious about his receding hairline? Would you try to side step his request by saying something like “oh wow, I heard you can get hair restoration done pretty cheap in turkey.” I doubt it.
HisGirlFriday wrote:
NTA, please get rid of a partner that talks about your body this way. It is not a compliment. It is a backhanded comment that he doesn't like you as you are. He is not a good supportive person. But also, please consult a doctor not related to your sports and find out if this weight fluctuation you engage in could be potentially unhealthy and taking years off your life.
Dropping below weight and then gaining it all back quickly over and over again cannot be good on your heart. Obviously if you have done this already and all is well or you know the risks then ignore this. But just food for thought, I know a lot of body builders have health troubles from the weight fluctuations. I say all that with love and respect.
Cannister wrote:
NTA. Like others have said, it's not ok they he wanted to keep meeting comments like that when you've told him you don't appreciate it. But on top of that, what does he actually mean by it? He doesn't really mean "imagine how great you're going to look" he means "I want you to do this as soon as possible, because I like it."
Like, if he literally meant "imagine how great you're going to look" then the answer would be "um..ok. why?" or "I know how I'll look and I don't want to be that shape." The way he's saying it, is a (not very) subtle attempt to influence you, and that's clearly not ok, given the circumstances.