"AITA for asking my boyfriend to clean up my mess?"
I'm just in a weird situation with my boyfriend right now, and I need to know if I'm in the wrong. Basically my boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) live together, and we both work full time. I got up early yesterday morning to take the clothes out of the washing machine and hang them on the clotheshorse, but I ran out of time to do it all before I had to head off to work.
What I had managed to do was hang like half of the load on the clotheshorse and I left the rest in a kinda messy pile on the table (I was doing all this in the living room whilst sitting on the couch). I was planning on finishing it off when I got home, and I didn't really think much of it.
Anyway, I ended up having to work late yesterday, and so I wasn't gonna get home till like half past 6. But before I got home, my boyfriend texted me to say that he was having a group of his friends over to watch the cricket. I called him immediately saying that if they were watching it in the lounge room, could he please tidy up the washing, as I did NOT want my undies and bras on display for his friends.
He was like, they're dudes, they won't notice or care, but I told him I'd feel really uncomfortable having my undies and stuff right where they all can see them next to the telly. I said he could even just shove it all into the next room, and I would finish it when I got home. He was like, are you seriously asking me to clean up YOUR mess, and then he hung up.
I was really hurt, because I told him I'd feel uncomfortable and he ignored me, and ended up being angry at me. Anyway, when I got home, the cricket was over, but he and his friends were all still sitting on the couch drinking beer and just chatting and stuff. The laundry was still out! There was a mound of clothes on the table in front of them, and the clotheshorse was on display for all to see.
It literally felt like they were sitting in amongst my knickers! I was so embarrassed as I scurried in to drag the clotheshorse out, and then ran back in to try and scoop up the remaining pile literally dropping two pairs of my undies on the floor that I had to go back for. The room smelt like wet laundry, and my boyfriend was glaring daggers at me the whole time this was happening.
I went and sat on my bed and cried afterwards. I feel bad for asking him to clean it up, I know it was my responsibility because I made the mess, but I'm still just hurt.
Me and my boyfriend haven't really spoken since, except for him to say that it wasn't a bog deal, and why was I making it so weird. This was yesterday and I've just been sad and angry since. I don't know what to do next and I would really really appreciate an outside perspective.
So AITA for asking him to clean up my mess, or should I apologise to him for making a big deal out of nothing and for asking him to do it in the first place?
This is what people had to say to OP:
FallenAngel_00 said:
Does he ever help with household chores? This should not have been a big deal. Don't let him invalidate your feelings, what you asked for was the bare minimum and he couldn't even do that.
Similar-Ad-6862 said:
NTA SO MUCH NTA. Look. My wife once helped me clean up after I got norovirus. This is the kind of energy you need in your relationship. Your boyfriend is a jerk.
crayzee-glitr-midge said:
The real question should be, “why is my boyfriend such a brainless douche?” And “should I break up with my boyfriend because he is selfish and doesn’t care about my feelings?”
Sorry but send the man child back home to his momma, she needs to do a better job of raising him.
The next day, OP shared this update:
Thank you all sosososo much for your support, I really appreciate it. Just to answer some frequently asked questions; it was both of our laundry mixed together, just mostly mine. And honestly, there have been so many times that I've cleaned up for him and looked after him, and its not getting reciprocated.
The laundry wasn't stewing all night long, I did turn the washing machine on at like 2am, and our cycle lasts about two hours because we have an old clunnky washing machine that works via a home fixit job I did involving a didgeridoo and a butter knife, but thats a different story haha...
And I promise I wouldn’t normally leave wet laundry, but it was a 40 degree day (celsius) and I was in a hurry! But you guys are right, I'll try to be more organised in future. :)
Anyway wit help from all of you, I realised that what hurt me most was the fact that I clearly told my (now ex!!!!!!!!!!) boyfriend I was uncomfortable, offered him an easy solution, and he still chose to act like I was the problem.
So when we finally had a proper conversation (after he’s been avoiding me like the plague, just at the pub with his friends the whole time (he's not an alcoholic, we're just Australian!)), he doubled down. He kept saying it wasn’t a big deal, that I was being dramatic and that I embarrassed him. He just kept repeating that he didn’t do anything wrong. So I broke up with him!!
A few hours after he left to stay with his parents, his mum called me. She apologised to me for his behaviour and said she was embarrassed by how he acted. Then she told me that she would do her best to make sure he understood how unacceptable his attitude toward women and shared responsibilities is.
I was tempted to recommend the petty revenge commenter TapEffective7605 had shared, thanks for making me laugh! I’m still a bit sad. Mostly I’m grieving the version of the relationship I thought I had. So yeah that’s the update. I’m single, but also proud of myself.
And then a week later, OP shared this second update:
Okay so I genueinly didn't expect to be back again, but apparently my ex's mum didn't think he'd suffered enough consequences... She called me this morning in a fit of laughter before saying 'I thought you’d find this funny'.
Turns out my ex had some mates over at his parents on the 26th to watch the boxing day test. He’s been staying in the guest room and had apparently left his bag open with some clothes piled in and around it, including his undies and boxer shorts.
He hasn’t come back to collect all his clothes yet, so apparently he’s just been recycling what he brought with him, because (prepare to be disgusted!!) his mum says none of his stuff has appeared in the wash yet.
Apparenlty she does all the washing, cleaning and cooking in that house (so maybe it wasn’t just me he was lazy with… shocking). She started getting suspcious and grossed out about where his clothes were even going, so she checked his room and saw the bag.
My ex was genuinly too lazy to even put his things in the washing machine, he wolud rather just keep wearing the same pairs of undies!!!!! I almost gagged when she told me!
Anyway, she devised her cunning plan. She told me she walked straight in, picked them all up his knickers out of the pile (by the waistband apparently!), he even had a pair of budgy smugglers in rotation haha. Well she chucked them in a bag and brought them out to him and his friends.
She then emptied the bag straight onto the floor in front of the telly they were all watching and declared that him he really should be keeping on top of these things.
According to her, he went brihgt red and told her he’d 'do it later' then panicked, grabbed his stuff, and physically pushed his mum out of the room while his mates were losing it laughing.
I have never felt more validated in my entire life.
Anyway, I thanked her, told her she absolutely made my day, and wished her luck. I don't think we'll be in contact again, I plan on having nothing to do with my ex once he's grabbed all his stuff from the house. Regardless, this has done wonders for my healing. Thanks again everyone!