'AITA for asking my brother not to bring a cam girl as his plus-one to my wedding?'
"AITA for asking my brother not to bring a cam girl as his plus-one to my wedding?"
I (F29) am getting married in April. The wedding is a bit short notice as my fiancé only proposed in December, but we chose April as we got a really good price for our dream wedding venue. We are offering plus-ones for our single guests.
My brother Fran (M27) is single and took us up on the plus-one offer. He wants to bring a girl, Dani (F26). Dani is a cam girl and Fran is a client of hers. Fran sometimes pays her to meet up in person and go on dates, and my wedding would be one of those times.
I only know about the nature of their relationship because Fran started this while living with our parents and they eventually found out. I've only met Dani a few times, once when Fran brought her to our aunt's potluck baby shower. I feel like Dani's behavior during this event was really inappropriate.
They turned up 2 hours late (by then, most of the food was gone) with no dish and Dani kept loudly complaining she was hungry the whole event. She took a load of the unused paper plates and straws and stuffed them into her purse without asking if she could take them.
She also made really rude comments towards my aunt about her pregnant belly and how "big" she is and how she should get liposuction after the baby. She managed to constantly make herself the center of attention by just generally being loud and unpleasant. This really upset our aunt.
She vented to my mom (who wasn't at the baby shower because she was sick) about it and when my mom confronted Fran, he had a meltdown and it was never brought up again. I just find everything about her behavior really tacky, this plus the fact she's not even Fran's girlfriend or friend but his s** worker makes me really not want her at the wedding.
At first I phrased it in a non-confrontational way and asked if there's anyone else he'd like to bring, like one of his friends. Fran said no and got really defensive, and asked me why I'd ask him that. He then accused me of hating Dani for no reason.
I told him he's welcome to bring someone else as his plus-one but he is not to bring Dani to the wedding because I've just not liked what I've seen with her behavior at the last family event she was at. He said I'm being judgmental and that Dani is a nice person. I asked Fran to please not make this a big deal and just bring one of his friends and have a nice time with the family.
Fran started yelling at me, he called me a stupid b*** and said I've already offered him a plus-one so he's bringing Dani and I can't stop him, and that I'm being a terrible sister. I feel like I'm going crazy because I don't think I'm being massively unreasonable but this is the biggest fight I've ever had with Fran. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Mortemetinteritum17 wrote:
NTA at all. I suspect half the people voting Y T A didn't bother reading the post and assumed you're discrimination against sex workers. The fact that she's proven herself a bad actor at social gatherings makes it perfectly okay for you to ban her IMO, same way you could kick out any other +1 who starts making a scene.
LilLatte wrote:
NTA. You're not refusing Dani because she's a cam girl. You're refusing her because she's an obnoxious human being.
Retract your invitation to your brother. You CAN stop him from bringing Dani.
King_Carmine wrote:
NTA, this being the internet, you're going to be roasted for not kneeling down and kissing a cam girl's feet, but any ordinary person would say you're not TA for not wanting your brother to hire an cam girl as an invite to your wedding. And that's without the fact that you already know her and how rude she is.
Visible-Split wrote:
NTA. The fact that Dani is a cam girl is a non-issue. The fact that she made a spectacle of herself by stealing items from the host, complaining about lack of food after being late, insulting the host, etc. I wouldn’t want her at my wedding either. If your parents can’t talk sense into your brother, be prepared to throw her out if she shows up anyway and acts up.
Which_translater548 wrote:
NTA, it’s okay you don’t want your brothers embarrassing, rude, paid escort to attend your WEDDING
WTF am I even reading here?? She sounded awful at the baby party- telling a pregnant woman at her own baby shower she’d need lipo?? F that noise!
2spooky4me5ever wrote:
NTA. She'd be like this regardless of her job. I wouldn't frame it around her being a cam girl personally. She's a trashy person and you don't want a trashy person around. She could be the CEO of a company and if she behaved like this, it would still be unacceptable. Tell your bridal party you didn't invite her and if she shows up, they have to be kicked out.
Now I will say, there will likely be a fallout in your relationship with your brother. You're NTA for wanting any particular person to not be at your wedding. It's your wedding and weddings are expensive. Just be prepared for this to not end well between you and your brother. If that's a risk you're willing to take, go for it.
neoncactusfields wrote:
NTA- he called you a stupid b***. You may not be able to disinvite him due to family pressure, or maybe you don’t want to because he’s your brother. But you can absolutely take away his plus one. That’s what I’d do; he forfeited it due to his behavior.