'AITA for asking my fiancé to board our dog while I'm recovering?' 'Am I just being jealous?'
"AITA for asking my fiancé to board our dog while I'm recovering from surgery?"
I need to start off my saying that I LOVE dogs. I've always had dogs and to me, dogs are family. They are, and deserve, everything. That being said, I am starting to feel frustrated at my fiancé's dedication to our dogs needs compared to mine.
As a bit of background, my fiancé has a very reactive pit bull. She is so loving and sweet to her people, but she's a handful. Super high energy, and trying to train her reactivity is nonstop. But I really love her and she's part of the family.
When my fiancé and I decided to move in together, I made the decision to have my dog (a husky) go live with my parents. My dog is extremely timid and that personality with a reactive pit bull would never work, especially sharing a home. It would be way to stressful for both of them.
It was a really hard choice, but I knew it was for the best. And my parents adore her. I'm so grateful to them for taking her, and while I miss her terribly (she's half-way across the country now), it was the best choice for her wellbeing.
But since moving in, I've realized how much of a priority my fiancé's dog is. Again, not an issue, and I love the way he cares for her, but my needs are often pushed aside for her. EVERYTHING revolves are her and how's she's feeling. If she's extra clingy that day, we don't go anywhere (even if we had plans).
It's only slightly bothered me until recently, when he told me to get a hotel after a surgery that I am having in a few weeks to recover because "it would be too much to take care of me and the dog."
I'm having a pretty invasive surgery, and will need to be pretty low key for a few days. I was nervous about this, because the pittie always jumps on me whenever I enter a room plays pretty aggressively. I asked my fiancé if we should board her for the first few days, just to have things a bit calmer.
He travels a lot for work and boards her when she does, so she's very used to boarding. He was immediately shocked that I would ask that, saying that he would never board her unnecessarily. However, he has done so in the past when he has had a big work event or needs to focus on something, even when he's in town.
His reasoning this time is that he will be boarding her a few days before my surgery for a work trip, and then again a week later for another work trip, so he won't have much time with her. He said that he wants her to be home as much as possible, and instead suggested that I get a hotel room to recover.
I know that his dog is his first priority, but the fact that he would prefer that I recover in a hotel is really bothering me. Maybe I'm just being selfish and jealous of the dog, but at some point I would love to be the priority. Or have my needs somewhat considered. AMITA for feeling this way, and for asking that he board the dog? Or am I just being jealous of a dog?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Miss_Judge_and_Jury said:
NTA. If the dog could impact your healing, it’s reasonable. HOWEVER, I think if the best solution he has is to send you to a hotel, there is a much bigger issue here. ESPECIALLY because it’s clear he boards her for other things. Some people are just suuuuper anti boarding.
When you have open incisions, the last thing you should be doing is going to a hotel or some other environment where you didn’t clean it yourself and you can’t easily eat healthy.
I think this should just be your eye opener into where your boyfriend’s priorities are at and what he values the most. I’m sorry but he is so far out of touch and out of line. Not really an easy thing to explain to someone who thinks this is rational in the first place.
Ok_Strawberry_197 said:
NTA. You gave up a whole dog for this man. And he won't board a dog that he has boarded before for you? You need to take a hard look at this relationship. It may be time to move somewhere else while you think it through.
Hellasummat said:
WHOA. There is independence and then there is requiring care. You NEED to be prioritized and cared for after an invasive surgery. This is not you being "needy" or demanding or unfair towards a dog.
That your fiance is not prioritising your post-surgical care needs is a terrible red flag. What, he honestly expects you to rely on a hotel room and order room service for support? You have a big problem with your fiancé, it's not the dog.
NTA and if you have to look elsewhere for support, and friends and family aren't available, try care homes. In my part of the world they can be turned to for temporary post surgical care...They have the dining facilities, personal care staff and nursing. Better option than a hotel.
Consistent-Leopard71 said:
NTA. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? You will never come first...ever. I don't know if you're planning a family, but the dog would come before your kids as well. Despite you believing that "dogs are family" you rehomed your dog to live with him. So, if you stay in a hotel after surgery who would be there to support you?
Creative-Escape-6608 said:
NTA. Can’t even believe he suggested this. I would look at trying to recover at your parents house. Maybe pack all of your stuff and move back there. Wtf is he going to do if you ever have kids. Tell you to move to a hotel to heal and protect the child.
Repulsive_Fortune446 said:
NTA, but god your fiancé sounds like a complete a. Are you sure this person loves you? Get a hotel room while you’re recovering from an invasive surgery? Your fiancé sucks.
TheWoman2 said:
NTA. He has shown you how important you are to him. Is this really who you want to marry? He doesn't want to take care of you and would rather send you to recover from major surgery on your own. Do you have parents or friends who can take care of you? No one should be recovering from surgery alone, it isn't just unpleasant, it is dangerous.