'AITA for not approving of my fiancé's choice of best man because of his entire vibe?'

"AITA for asking my fiancé to change his best man?"

SukiVyn says:

I’m 26F, and I’m getting married next spring. My fiancé (28M) is amazing, truly, and we’ve been together for five years. I’m very close to his family, and he’s very close to mine. There are no real issues there. The problem is his best friend, Ryan.

Ryan has been his best friend since they were kids. He’s the typical “guy’s guy” type, always joking around, very loud, and the kind of person who makes an inappropriate comment and then says, “Relax, it’s a joke.” I’ve always found him a bit immature, but I’ve kept it civil.

Last weekend, we had a small gathering at our place with some close friends to celebrate our engagement. Everyone was drinking a bit, laughing, and having a good time. At one point, someone made a toast, and then Ryan stood up and said something like, “Let’s all raise a glass to the poor guy. This is the last time he’ll know peace or s^#.”

Everyone laughed, except me. I just smiled politely, but I felt embarrassed. Then he added something like, “Hope you kept the receipts in case she changes her mind again.” That’s the part that really got to me. I had called off our engagement briefly last year during a rough patch we were going through. It was a hard time, and we’ve worked a lot to move forward from it.

After everyone left, I told my fiancé that Ryan’s comments were rude and hurtful, and that I didn’t want him to be the best man anymore. I said he could still attend the wedding, of course, but I didn’t feel comfortable with him having such a central role.

My fiancé didn’t take it well. He said I was overreacting and that Ryan was “just being Ryan.” He also said he doesn’t have anyone else he’s as close to, and that I’m putting him in a horrible position.

Now I feel torn. I don’t want to start my marriage by dictating his choices, but I also feel like this is my wedding too, and I should be allowed to set boundaries. So... AITAH?

People responded to OP's case.

endor-pancakes says:

"Ryan was just being Ryan." I mean... exactly. That's the problem, and I don't get why this construction keeps being brought up as a defense. If "X being X" causes problems, then being X is the problem. In this case, the best man needs to be someone else. There's no indication he'll turn it down for the wedding, because that is who Ryan is. NTA.

sterilisedcreampies says:

Damn that dude hates you lol god knows what's gonna be in his wedding speech. NTA.

FreshBluejay says:

He's mad at you because Ryan said what he wanted to but cant and he expected you to laugh along. So your response is an overreaction in his eyes. Ask yourself what's keeping you in this relationship and why you want to go through with getting married?

AppropriateListen981 says:

Everyone laughed except you? Now I want to know why you called off the engagement.

What do you think?