'AITA for asking my girlfriend to pack my food for travel if I'll be the only one driving?'

"AITA for asking my girlfriend to pack my food for travel if I'll be the only one driving?"

24M & 24F, in relationship since 3.5 yrs. Currently, we work in the same city but live separately (planning to move in together soon). We like to travel. I've a hatchback. So we travel almost every week to a temple around 1.5 hours far away from one side. We like that place as it also provides scenic views, activities like trekking, rope ways, vivid market etc.

It takes a total of 3 hours of driving. Sounds little, but it's tiring as the temple is situated on hills. So roads are just 2 lane, curvy and demands 101% attention of the driver. Mentally & physically exhausting.

She knows driving, but isn't confident enough to drive on that path, that too with a vehicle she isn't used to enough (my car). She doesn't a car her right now. So obviously, the responsibility of driving has totally fallen on me.

We start the journey early in the morning due to less traffic and calm environment. Come back by the evening. So, we wake up at around 4:00 AM, start the journey by 5:30. Note that my nature is to keep load roughly fair on each other.

We pack one time's food. (We do things on budget). So I proposed her the idea to take responsibility of our food (basically pack my one time food too) just like I'm taking 100% load of driving. By this way, things will get more balanced and it will enable me to wake up at 4:30 instead, an extra 30 mins sleep. But she didn't agree at all and said that packing our own food sounds "equal" to her.

Hearing that internally pissed me off, because she's talking about fairness when it comes to packing food but doesn't apply it to driving. So, to me, it became more about fairness than food. I can't push her to take part in driving, as it's a risk for everyone's safety. I can only do that with food.

I initially kept my cool, respectfully presented my thoughts and was ready for a calm discussion. But she became annoyed soon and wasn't as polite as me, said I eat double than her, we ended up having a verbal fight. Now nobody initiates a talk about travel. AITA here?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

oakfield01 wrote:

What is one time's food? A meal? Snacks? Several meals and snacks? Your argument that your should be able to get an extra half an hour of sleep makes sense as your gf can sleep when you're driving, but also I don't understand why 'one time's food' has to be made in the morning, as opposed to the night before? Is it hot? How are you achieving food safety?

You're only presenting a short window of your relationship, this travel and food prep. We have no idea how chores divided between the two of you. Regardless, is food prep that draining on you that you have to push it off on your gf to be fair? I don't think it's fair to compare the workload between just these two tasks especially since your gf couldn't drive if she wanted to.

Old_Desk_1641 wrote:

It's kind of sounding like this is a stressful thing that you probably shouldn't be doing every weekend. The frequency doesn't sound like it's working for you and it's making small things like this feel huge. NAH just find more local trips to do.

Ok-Calligrapher1345 wrote:

Why don’t you guys just pack the food the night before? Not only are you waking up at a ridiculously silly time to go somewhere that’s only an hour and a half away, but you’re adding on things to do in the morning as well. Just be like everybody else and wake up at 7:30. Pack your food and be on your way. Get there at 9am.

Wingnut2029 wrote:

Transactional my butt. Wanting a little balance isn't transactional. Transactional would be asking her for 6 hours of housework to make up for him driving 6 hours. Transactional is tracking every little thing and wanting equal payback. When she makes zero effort, and he asks for a little something to help him out, that's a normal relationship request.

That said, your proposal could work, assuming she has a reasonable bone in her body. More likely she would make herself something warm and make him eat his cold meal. Seems like she picks and chooses when balanced applies and when it doesn't.

Looking at a single task and insisting the effort remain balanced is more transactional than anything he is proposing. Her not driving appears to be inescapable because it's too much work to become a better driver. Regardless why she can't/won't drive, she refuses to do something else that could help him. Unless there is an entire back story that justifies her attitude (not in the post), she is 100% T A.

GamesDontStop wrote:

INFO. "AITA for asking my girlfriend..." It's reasonable to ask, though we don't need a whole description of the drive; we just need to know that you're driving 3 hours and she's driving none.

"Demanding my girlfriend to pack my one time's food..." Demanding is quite a bit more aggressive AH behavior than asking.

Grand-Corner1030 wrote:

NTA. Gas or food, she gets to cover something if she wants to keep it fair. The car owner typically covers maintenance and repairs, those usually cost more than gasoline. If its the "expense" of food, how are you two otherwise breaking up the trip expenses?

Driving is something we all do every day, yet people also die every day. I'm glad you take it serious, which includes getting enough rest.

thefemineer wrote:

INFO: why can’t you guys pack the food the night before so you can both get an extra 30 minutes of sleep? ESH if you ask me, you’re TA for making this transactional and she’s TA for not being willing to help out more.