'AITA for asking my MIL for advice on how she dealt with her husband's affair? Her son cheated.'
"AITA for asking my mother-in-law for advice on how she dealt with her husband's affair after she said I needed to work on my marriage when her son cheated on me.?"
That's about it really. The title has all the information. I am currently married to Matthew. He had an affair. I filed for divorce. His mother came to me and said I needed to work on my marriage and not give up so easy. So I asked her how she dealt with her husband's infidelity in their marriage.
She started stammering and asking what I was talking about. So I said that five years ago her husband had an affair. If she expects me to work through this I need advice. How did she deal with her husband having an affair. I told her that Matthew had asked me not to talk about it so I had kept my mouth shut. She got up and left.
From what I have heard they had a massive fight. Her husband denying everything. Matthew denying that he knew anything about the affair much less telling me to act like nothing happened. My MIL is pissed at her husband for cheating and at Matthew for keeping her in the dark. For the record I just wanted her to leave me alone and think about my point of view when I made up the affair.
ETA: Some information I guess was relevant I didn't consider
I only found out about the affair because Matthew gave me Chlamydia. I found out about the other affairs while fighting with him.
My father-in-law said he was golfing with Matthew on Saturdays. And that they were taking overnight fishing trips. He did this to help Matthew have excuses for his absence from home. He helped Matthew cheat. Lastly. My mother-in-law came to my home, which she owns and gave us cheap rent, while I was packing up my stuff to move out. That's why I let her in.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
SecretOscarOG wrote:
Beautiful. NTA unless you decide to stay with your husband lmao.
OP responded:
Hell no. He gave me chlamydia.
Aromatic_escape3706 wrote:
OP I’m a little confused.. did FIL cheat on MIL? If FIL cheated...you are NTA…MIL shouldn’t have raised a cheater and instead taught her son to take accountability for his actions. She honestly should be apologising for raising a steaming POS.
BUT if FIL didn’t cheat and you made it up., than YTA You could have literally said to MIL that rather than blame you and tell you to work harder on your marriage.. then her son should of done the same instead of boinking someone else. Then walked away. You didn’t have to ruin another marriage in the process.
OP responded:
I made the affair up to force her to see what she was asking me to do.
serious-echo1241 wrote:
I wonder if MIL would have given her son the same advice if OP was the one that had cheated?
jaedence wrote:
For those saying she's TA. Her husband cheated on her. Why is the mother in law inserting herself in this? How dare she! She raised this idiot. Now she's defending her shifty son. How about you just shut up mom?
NTA.
UrHumblernarr8r wrote:
NTA. If father-in-law was willing to cover up the cheating, I don’t trust that he isn’t a cheater himself and to be honest, it would take more than someone telling me my spouse was cheating to believe it, so I’m guessing your mother in law already had some doubts on her end. Good luck in your divorce.
StirredStill wrote:
I have read through your responses to gain some clarification on a few points:
I love this whole damn thing so much. What a way to stand in ones power. Unapologetic in all your glory. May my daughters be the fire as you have. Good riddance to them all.
Bringmycoffeenow wrote:
YTA and I support you for being TA here. Way to go!
mollymolotov666 wrote:
Hear me out: ESH...BUT...Honestly, I have done something similar once. A dear friend of mine wanted to cheat on his wife with me, and made the proposition. I said it's crazy that both tried the same move on the same friend on the same day. I asked him if it was planned. He stared at me for a moment and was like, "Wait, my wife hit on you? When?"
I said she only just asked me if I'd meet up with her later and have sex, but I told her no because she had a man. And now here's that same man, asking me the same question.
He started crying about how his wife's cheating, and I responded with, "She's not, but now you know how it feels. Don't do that."
Sometimes, you just GOTTA hand those lessons out.
PintoOct24 wrote:
She offered unsolicited and offensive advice and you returned in kind. How are you TA? There is nothing more offensive than being told to eat shit and smile while doing it. Even if they work it out, I hope that doubt stays with her until the day she passes away.
If my child cheated on their spouse, I would be so ashamed of my child and would not even be able to look that person in the face much less suggest to give it another go. What the literal hell.
ShermanOneNine87 wrote:
If he helped his son cover up the affair FIL either has such a low opinion of you he "pities" his son for being married to you OR he's one of those men that think men should get their physical needs met 100% of the time no matter the circumstances in which case it's incredibly likely he has indeed had an affair.
I'm not usually one for throwing a grenade in someone else's marriage but between FILs actions and Matthew's mom not leaving you alone when she obviously (from her reaction) has an issue with cheating I'm not 100% that you're an AH here.