'AITA for insisting my son get a paternity test before he'll support his pregnant ex?' UPDATED
"AITA for asking my son to get a paternity test?"
My son (18) has found out one of his ex girlfriends is 8 months pregnant. He knew nothing of the sort of her being pregnant until now and now he's just expected to accept everything no questions asked. My daughter (20) is good friends with this girl and knew about her pregnancy but said nothing to us because her friend asked her not to.
My son was head over heels for this lady but she ended up breaking his heart by cheating on him and was very needy and manipulative, he spend alot of money on her because she would ask for gift my son couldn't even afford and convince him to use one of my credit cards to achieve it.
My daughter who isn't Currently living with us and is actually rooming with her by her college is also being manipulated by her and think she only dose good and doesn't believe that she convinced her brother to use my credit or that she even cheated. Showed up with my son's ex girlfriend at my door to help her tell us that she's pregnant.
When I saw her there at my door visibly pregnant I knew she was gonna be saying that my son is the father of her child and immediately said that my son will not be putting in any money or time until there is a paternity test proving that is his child, My son backed me up and agreed.
My daughter was horrified by my comment and accused me of encouraging him to be a dead beat father and was upset I didn't even give them a chance to explain themselves. My son's ex starting crying saying you always assume the worst of me and that she went 8 months of pregnancy alone and the least we could do is ensure she is taken care of for the betterment of his child.
I do agree that if this is his child we gonna ensure mom is doing well to ensure baby is doing well but I don't want my son to be involved with her only to get his heart broken again and only to find out that the child isn't his. Am I the a$$hole here?
What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:
Dralloran said:
NTA. “I need a paternity test because you cheated on me.” “How can you say that? Don’t you trust me?” “No. Because you cheated on me.” Fin.
C_Majuscula said:
NTA. A paternity test in this situation is completely reasonable. Did she give a reason for not telling him until it was far too late for him to be involved in other decisions?
Trasl0 said:
"encouraging him to be a dead beat father" Until that child is proven to be his he isn't a father and cannot be a deadbeat. NTA this 100% sounds like a scam, your son is just the best choice financially.
CrystalQueen3000 said:
NTA. She went through 8 months of pregnancy alone because she chose not to tell him, that’s completely on her. A paternity test is the wisest choice.
blooddiamond_76 said:
NTA. It is well within your right to ask for a paternity test.
PaintLicker_2022 said:
NTA. She’s had 8 months to come forward and waits until the very end of the pregnancy to do so? Sounds like she got dumped by the other dude and is looking for a baby daddy that’ll take care of her…
SDstartingOut said:
I mean, as you stated, ex cheated on him. Nothing more needs to be said IMO. 100% NTA
And Wide_Dimension4136 said:
NTA. you’re protecting your son. she has a history of cheating/manipulating situations, and it’s better to find out now – than later down the line. if it’s not his? problem solved, and it’ll knock the problem with your daughter still being under her influence right out. if it’s his, they’ll be stuff to sort out, for sure - but at least you’ll know without a doubt
OP later added this update:
My daughter and I spoke on the phone i explained to her, that if the baby really is his then the text will only lock in his responsibility for the baby and that their is no way I'd ever encourage my son to abandon any of my grandbabies, my daughter finally agreed that the test would be beneficial and told me she'd call me back later.
I ended up getting a text back instead of a call asking if they could come back over to talk, which i agreed to. When they came over my son's ex admitted to not actually knowing who the father was and that she been in a relationship with multiple guys which is why she took so long telling my son because she was trying to figure out who's the father of her child but she's now certain it's my son.
She agreed to do the paternity test as soon as we able to do one on the condition I pay for it. One other thing I found out is that my daughter and my son's ex have actually developed a romantic relationship,
which is beyond shocking to me, i mean it explains why she been sticking up for my son's ex as much as she been doing but it's just not something I thought my daughter would ever do I mean that's her brother ex, someone who break his hreat it's just not something I can understand. I'll always love my daughter but it just hurts me seeing my son feeling really hurt by this whole situation.