'AITA for asking for $30,000 from my parents as a house payment?'

"AITA for asking for $30,000 from my parents as a house payment?"

A year ago, my parents gifted my older brother $30,000 so he could buy a house. My brother is 30 years old, with a very low-paying unstable job, but in our culture, it's difficult to get married if the man does not own a home and my parents considered it their "duty" to be able to purchase a home for my brother. My brother is the only male on both sides of the family to carry on my family name.

He has no savings (he partied, drunk, and traveled away all of his money), and still wanted a home as he's unmarried and his previous relationships allegedly broke up with him upon discovering he has nothing to his name (besides a really old car). He is their golden boy, no matter what he does.

I didn't have any qualms about that gift. My parents are in their early 50s, and this year, I was looking to purchase a home too. I have decent savings (but not a lot as I recently started working), a job that pays fairly well, and is very stable. Rent in my city was extremely expensive and I figured instead of spending so much money on rent for an apartment, why not contribute rent money towards a house?

I plan on getting a house, also for the purpose of renting out the other rooms. I'm currently single, and my brother (despite getting a house, is still single), but I was hoping to be more financially savy and own a home.

Since my parents gave my brother $30,000 for his house, I asked the same from my parents. It's only fair. I've stayed at home with them, help do my chores, and have always been a homebody with my parents whereas my brother moved out the second he could at 18.

He never visits, never bothers to help my parents with anything, and I have always been at home driving them to places, helping them translate documents, filling out immigration/government papers, etc.

After touring multiple different houses, I finally saw one that I really like, and my parents loved as well, but we found out how much the down payment requirement is. Even with my savings, I would still need an additional $28,000. So, I asked my parents for $28,000. My parents flat out rejected me, saying that while they support me buying a house, they simply can't justify giving me that much money.

But I brought up that they were willing to give my brother that much without any pushback, and I've helped them all my life (I started translating at 12/13 years old, because my brother was NEVER home even when he was a teenager—he was always out getting wasted and returning at 3-4am).

They said it's because my brother needs a house to get married, whereas I can stay living under my parents roof for only $300-500 a month. I was so fed up with their rationale, and flat out told them if they're going to continue to have this favoritism, I was going to go no contact and just leave.

My parents said they can't give $28,000 but at most, they're able to give $3,000. I was speechless and ranted to my cousin during a family gathering, but forgot one of them was a loud-mouth who then told all my relatives.

Everyone in my life is torn on my decision, my aunt and uncles have called me greedy, selfish, and even an A-hole for wanting that much from my parents.

I just feel like I'm losing my mind here. Am I in the wrong?

This is what people had to say to OP:

nursepenguin36 said:

NTA. Move out and tell your parents to call golden boy next time they need something.

OP responded:

I did want to buy a house and move out at the same time, but now, it's looking very difficult to do so and its becoming so unbearable living with my parents knowing how blatant their favoritism is towards him, and them still expecting me to translate every single letter for them.

Careless-Library6807 said:

You’re not wrong for asking! They gave your brother $$, and they have been enabling him & when you come up and ask they say at most $3000. It’s favoritism and it sucks to be the forgotten child.

Your family is gonna be judgmental and make you feel guilty but you did nothing wrong. They said no, so it is what it is. Let God convict them and show them how unfair they are being. Do it on your own, and show them you don’t need them. You got it. I believe in you!

Savings_Telephone_96 said:

Definitely stop helping, and tell them to call your brother for help. The way they’re treating you — cultural norms be damned — isn’t right. I’m sure there are 100s of reasons no one wants your brother besides his lack of house. Your parents should start viewing your brother for who he really is (someone going no where) rather than the future of the family. NTA.

Sweet-Cat-7667 said:

NTA. I think this is probably also cultural too, right? Where males are valued more, viewed as the stronger, more responsible gender (no matter their character or past behavior), and women are seen as “less than”, have no opinions, serve the family and their husband forever and are not allowed to have an opinion type of situation?

I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with you asking for equal and fair treatment between you and your brother, especially when you’ve done much more for your family since you were barely a teenager and much more with your life than he ever will. It seems like he gets a pass, no matter what and that’s b.s.

OP responded:

Yes, it's exactly that, and I was actually very shocked/surprised that they would even have a gender favoritism in the first place. When my parents found out about my gender when my mom was pregnant, they were ecstatic, and despite the birth complications if she was to go through with the pregnancy, my parents still insisted on having a daughter.

According to their words, if they "could have it [their] way, they'd have two daughters instead of a son and daughter!!" So to be suddenly confronted with this sexist favortism caught me off-guard.

All my life, I never really thought about their gender favoritism, and if anything, they have never really scolded me at all and only always scolded my brother. On top of it, when I graduated college, I was debt free because of my academic scholarships, and many people in my family always called me the golden child because of my really good grades, university, and job.

Whereas my brother went a complete opposite path as me (dropped out of college, ended up in student debt that my parents paid off, and they even paid for his 2-3 year trip allegedly abroad to a university). Growing up, my parents have always assured me that they love me just as much as my brother.

So I never thought my parents would suddenly pull the rug on me like this, despite the fact that I essentially never costed them as much money as my brother did. I spoke to my brother too, and he said he didn't even ask for help at first, my parents just flat out offered it to him! I'm honestly so heart-broken by this revelation