'AITA for asking my parents to stop telling people I am in the hospital?'
"AITA for asking my parents to stop telling people I am in the hospital?"
nipplepizzaz
Hi all. I (25f) am currently pregnant and have been admitted to hospital a few days ago for a suspected clot in my lung following severe chest pain. I am still in hospital right now.
A few weeks ago, my wonderful maternal grandfather passed from cancer and we are obviously as a family still upset. 2.5 years ago I was in a car accident. I broke my back in 3 places, my pelvis, and 3 ribs.
It was during COVID so I was admitted to hospital and had loads of scans all through the day/night. Once they figured that I didn’t need corrective surgery they discharged me the following morning with morphine tablets and a wheelchair. I came out of hospital to around 100 messages from people I barely knew wishing me well.
My mum and stepdad had posted pictures of my wrecked car on Facebook and told everyone they knew about the accident and specifics about my injuries. At the time I asked them to take down the posts as I did not want people knowing all about my personal life. They never took the posts down.
Today my friend told me that my mum has been sending messages into group chats telling people that I am pregnant and in hospital. My stepdad told his family the same. I have told them that my husband and I want to share the news ourselves.
I told them that I was so hurt and disappointed that they have told people and also lied to me about it. I pointed out the lie and told them that I had again, received messages from others proving that they lied.
My mum then sent me a voice note of her crying saying “sorry I don’t know what I have done but I am sorry. I must be the worst mother in the world. I am just so upset about Pappa too.”
It was hard to hear her so upset by I just reiterated that asking for privacy was not too much to ask. My stepdad who I have been very close to also sent me a voice note telling me that “they don’t need this stress” and to stop being so hateful over something so “trivial”.
He told me that I was clearly hormonal but that he’ll “let it slide this time” because I am pregnant. He told me that my mum has cried for over 30 mins and it’s all my fault and that it’s all over nothing.
Also, that they told other people because they are worried about me. He said they will never apologise as they haven’t done anything wrong. He also said that I am the daughter he never had and that he loves me but that he is so disappointed in my behaviour.
The original message that started this sent to my mum:
Sorry it’s just I’ve had messages from people today wishing me well in hospital so I know you lied about who you have told about me being here.
I am just hurt and disappointed as I would have much preferred privacy. I don’t feel like sharing any more because I don’t know who you are both sharing it with and it has actually made me being in hospital much more stressful.
I might be TA because we are all grieving and emotions are running high. I also don’t feel like they told other people in a malicious way, just thoughtless. So, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
TitaniaT-Rex
NTA. THEY don’t need the stress?!? Give me a break! Perhaps the person hospitalized doesn’t need the stress! You’re pregnant, so it’s two lives on the line here. How can they possibly believe their “stress” of you being upset at them could possibly compare to the actual stress you’re under? They are selfish attention seekers.
The OP responded here:
nipplepizzaz
Honestly I literally replied the same! I was like “I am the one in hospital here!” All day my blood pressure and heart rate has been really high and the chest pains are more intense too.
I explained that they were stressing me out but they kept on going. I guess after a while of sitting alone I began to feel really guilty and felt that maybe I’d taken it too far. But thank you for your comment I am starting to believe that I was justified in my request for privacy!
TitaniaT-Rex
Take care of yourself and your baby! Watch some wholesome movies or read a good book-whatever you love most, and ignore them. You’ve got this! Y’all are going to come out on the other side of this happy and healthy.
I wish you a peaceful pregnancy and a smooth delivery. ETA: tell them you understand they don’t need the stress and won’t burden them with any further news of your condition 😂
Again the OP responded:
nipplepizzaz
Thank you so much!! And also that is an amazing comeback and when they inevitably ask me tomorrow for an update that is just what I will reply lol!!
RepublicTop1690
Don't tell them anything. My mom was like that, had to over share EVERYTHING. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I didn't tell her for over a year. I didn't need her daily drama, and I didn't want her telling people I had never met. And she didn't have social media. Information diet until they learn to keep your news private.
OlympiaShannon
NTA. They overstepped your reasonable boundaries and are using your misfortune for personal attention. Then playing victim when you call them out.
LoveyPudgy94
Sounds like your parents, mom especially, has a gossiping problem.
Definitely NTA a lot of people don't want their personal life out there and that's fine.
The OP again returned to say:
nipplepizzaz
Yeah I kind of feel like I could have lost my baby, or even had a stroke and she’s treating it like town gossip. They really made me feel so guilty and unreasonable for asking them not to tell others.
On Thursday when I was admitted she said “it’s hard for us to keep this secret because you’re our daughter and we care about you” and I told her if it was so difficult then I wouldn’t be telling her anything more.
My updates have been sparse since because I just don’t know who they are telling. But at the same time I know my mum is worried and I don’t want to cause her more upset than she is already feeling. After tonight and the things they have said I feel silly for even telling them anything.