'AITA for asking my roommate's wife with health issues to wear bottoms?' 'BARE BUTT ON THE FURNITURE.' UPDATED

"AITA for asking my roommate's wife to wear bottoms around the house?"

My SO and I have been putting up our BIL while he's trying to move back. He's employed and is paying token room and board while him and his wife attempt to sell their house. It's been 6 months so far.

My BIL spouse (Tina) is late 30s, a larger girl and some health issues. She's visited before and ruined decorative pillows due to having "accidents" on them as she likes to sit on our black decorative cushions. She's now been spending half of every month (and shouldn't be) in my home, as a guest.

She doesn't wear underwear under her night gown and will stay in her night gown the majority of the day. I've had it. I watched her ruin another decorative pillow by sitting on it and leaving discharge and urine on it.

I gave her a day to clean it and she pretended it didn't happen. I ended up throwing out the pillow in disgust and bleaching the seating mat underneath it. She then wore the same pee stained nightgown the next day and I watched her as SHE LIFTED IT UP TO SIT DOWN bare butt on my furniture.

So we've spoken to her husband in hopes that he can tell her to wear underpants nicely. I'm also considering getting her a box of incontinence pads and leaving it in the bathroom she uses. AITA in this? It's disgusting right?

EDIT:

I'm audhd and don't react appropriately. I didn't know if I was overreacting or underreacting. These words help. Thank you all. It's my SO's brother, and up until he moved in we (his wife and I) hadn't spent more than a couple hours together, a day at most.

I have a chronic illness myself so have tried to be tolerant and understanding and forgiving. Incontinence is a shameful topic. Size plays into severity of incontinence issues. I do have a pic of the last cushion she sat on.

My homes "theme" is earthy colors; blacks, browns, reds, and whites. Yes I have black cushions/decorative pillows. The roommate is employed locally, their house is several hours drive away, he's supposed to be going home on weekends but due to mountain passes, winter weather and illness hasn't been home in over a month. It's not the first conflict the wife and I have had.

UPDATE:

The next morning. BIL spoke to his wife. She now has incontinence pads, and is wearing pants in the common areas and will be leaving today! Thanks everyone for all the responses. I thought I was being crazy for being so upset about this. She hasn't left yet but soon I'll breathe a sigh of relief.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

SusanTruax27 said:

That’s nasty. You’re more tolerant than I would be. Your house, your rules. I wouldn’t give her a ton of chances to comply.

Lurker_the_Pip said:

You own your house!!! He is your guest!!! You control the door. Dear God woman! She is no longer allowed over to the house and if he doesn’t like it he can leave tomorrow. Geez! NTA

United-Manner20 said:

NTA but it’s time you tell your brother-in-law if he can’t control the situation that they have to leave. It doesn’t matter if he’s paying a small amount of room board or not, you feel like a guest in your home and she is disgusting.

She needs to be fully closed wearing underwear at the bare minimum. If they can’t respect that, this is your home, then they can leave and find accommodation elsewhere. Let your husband know that if he does not have a discussion with his wife and change it that you will have a discussion with her about it, which will likely not end well.

SnowyOrchidCharm said:

NTA. That’s beyond disgusting. Leaving bodily fluids on your furniture is unacceptable.

fourmartens said:

NTA. That’s disgusting. I would be mortified if I made any sort of mess in someone’s house. I can’t even imagine doing that. She either wears underwear, pants, and pads together or she finds somewhere else to stay.

Own_Construction2682 said:

NTA, I’d kick this woman out of my house for doing this once and not having the decency to clean up after herself and for the entitlement she shows in your home.

ProfPlumDidIt said:

NTA. Forget incontinence pads; buy a box of dog training pads and tell her she can wear human pads and pants or she can sit on dog pads but she cannot ever be on your furniture without one of those things again and also charge them for the pillow.