'AITA for asking for someone to be kicked out of my church group?'

"AITA for asking for someone to be kicked out of my church group?"

I (22M) am a college student attending a church nearby, many students attend as well. On Wednesdays there is basically an adult youth group I go to that chills in one of the church rooms for a bit. There is one on four days of the week, and I go to the Wed one as it’s the only one that fits my schedule. Two months ago, a girl who goes there the same night I do, Beth (20F) brought a friend with her, Terra (23F).

Later, Beth texted me that Terra liked me a lot and may try to pursue me, & told me to not let her know that I knew. I told her that I didn't feel the same way towards Terra, and Beth replied that she didn’t think I did, but just thought I should get a heads-up

Two weeks later was the Halloween party. When Terra walked in, she sat by me and asked to talk to me later, privately. I told her nervously “maybe later”. Eventually, she sat next to me and straight up said “Hey, I really really like you, how would you feel about us dating???” Was shocked she didn’t even ask for my # first.

I told her that I liked her as a person, but not in a romantic way, and that we should just hang out and be friends. The next week, she gives me a bracelet with beads saying “I WANT TO MARRY YOU." I was uncomfortable and she laughed and smiled. I couldn’t believe this woman was older than me and didn’t realize how inappropriate this was! I told her again that I didn’t feel the same way towards her.

She asked for my # and I told her no, maybe just join the church discord (which I don’t use) and find me there. Then Beth lmk that her parents have to approve her contacts & that she lied about having discord. But she continued to text Beth asking for my info, who promised not to give it to her.

The next week (gosh I wish I was making this up), Beth showed Terra around my school, and they run into me at my job at the food hall, serving food. They saw me working and I found later that Terra started crying and told Beth that I “said I wanted to marry her” which was NOT true at all.

She apparently told this to multiple people. The past few weeks, Terra has been repeating to me that I’m her best friend, stroking my arm, and lying to us that she’s “also finishing her finals” when she’s not even in school. She apparently proceeded to tell everyone after I left last week that I told her I had a crush on her.

She started coming to church too, and once again I wish was making this up, last Sunday she ran out of service crying. Another girl followed her and then motioned for me to come, but I sent Beth who later told me Terra was crying about getting bullied by her bowling friends (she doesn’t bowl) and needed my comfort.

I told the leaders of the group that I’d like if she could go to another one in the week. They said they’d think about it, because she loves it so much. When I asked them, their tone made it seem as though I was the issue. I feel stuck here, I enjoy the rest of the Wed group and don’t want to switch but fear it may be my only choice. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

lordmwahaha wrote:

Sorry. This woman is ONE YEAR older than you. It’s fair that you don’t want to date her, and you’re NTA for that - but why are you acting like she’s forty? It’s not inappropriate for someone one year older than you to be romantically interested in you, WTF? That would disqualify pretty much every relationship on the planet. Did you type her age wrong?

OP responded:

It’s not that she’s one year older—it’s the way that she’s harassing me. Giving me a bracelet saying she wants to marry me after I said I wasn’t interested is wild and the continuous harassment too.

wackycats354 wrote:

NTA. Start documenting everything, because odds are that you’re going to need to get a restraining order. Whenever you buy something, use a card (not cash) and get a receipt. Take pictures of yourself doing stuff, like grocery shopping at Walmart. If you have a vehicle, consider getting a dash cam.

Do not be silent about what is going on. Be vocal. Tell your church group leaders that she’s harassing you to date her, that you’ve clearly told her you’re not interested, and she won’t leave you alone and is telling everyone that you want to marry her. Tell your boss that there’s a woman who’s stalking you and claiming you’re dating/engaged. Give her name, share a photo.

Talk to any university advisors you have access to. The RA, your academic advisor, etc. Let your landlord know you’re dealing with a stalker, share her name and photo. Make sure your landlord knows she’s never to be given a key or let into a place. Seriously consider consulting a lawyer (also search reddit threads) on things to do protect yourself.

The thing is, she sounds bats--t crazy. And crazy people do crazy things. Right now she’s just (just, hah) harassing you to date her, telling everyone you want to marry her. But she’s just as likely to flip a switch and accuse you of verbally, physically, and/or s-xually assaulting her. I’m very serious about this. This has the hallmarks of “if I can’t have him, no one can/I’ll wreck his life."

This is why you start documenting everything. Why the receipts. Why take photos of yourself when you go out. Why I say to get a dash cam if you have a vehicle. If she claims you SA’d her but you’ve got dash cam footage of you driving to Walmart at the time it happened, and a receipt from Walmart using your card, she can’t actually pin that on you.

Booby_Slap0506 wrote:

I'm going to assume this is real and give a serious answer. This is unhinged, and you are NTA, but there is a point at which it is easier to remove yourself from the group rather than expecting someone else to be removed on your request. Since you have already tried, unfortunately it seems that the best bet may be for you to leave the group and perhaps join a different one. Anything to get far, far away from Terra.