'AITA for asking my step daughter to go through her mothers belongings?'
"AITA for asking my step daughter to go through her mothers belongings?"
AdCommon1294
So, my husband (54 Male) and I (41 Female) have been married for almost 3 years, we have been together for almost 10 years, we have a blended family of 6 kids. Both of us went through pretty nasty divorces.
In 2021 my husband’s ex-wife passed away unexpectedly. My stepdaughter (22) and her daughter were living with the ex-wife at the time. My husband and I lived in a smaller place as most of the kids had at the time moved out. We made space for her, her daughter and her boyfriend.
For a bit of back story, the ex and I never got along. This in turn to my stepdaughter and I never really getting along, to the point that when she had her child at the very young age of 16, she informed her dad (my husband) she did want me to be in the baby’s life.
When I said OK and stepped back and steered clear when they came over, she would have a fit for not interacting with the baby. She has lied to her father about things that have never happened and caused explosive fights with myself and my husband.
So, when they all moved in with us they took over my garage with a lot of her mother’s belongings. There was also a c-can full of stuff. We decided we needed to move to accommodate everyone, since the rent prices went up some of the kids had to move home.
We have a larger house, but her mother’s stuff is filling the garage and 2 storage areas in the house. There is no storage for anyone else. (I want to mention she has the full basement suite and our Media Room that's the size of a 2-car garage)
The other day I text the family group chat and said we need to go through some stuff. Start getting rid of some stuff. Old furniture, shoes, clothes toys etc. I talked to my step daughter and said maybe try to go through it and get rid of a few things (expired Mary Kay/Avon makeup and stuff) or at least open up the bins and see if we can compress some stuff to try and make space and know where stuff is.
She went straight to her dad saying I was forcing her to throw her mother's stuff away. Which is not the case. But I guess I was causing a great deal of stress and anxiety.
Yesterday we were all in the pool having a couple drinks, sharing some laughs and just relaxing. A few the kids ended up going out for a bit and I got out of the pool, headed upstairs and changed.
I went to the living room and was ripped a new one for asking her to look through stuff. I tried to explain what had actually happened, but he was not wanting to listen or hear me.
This turned into another massive fight, and him calling me a bunch of awful names again (including the C word multiple times) in front of our 5 and half year-old granddaughter.
I ended up retreating to my room where I stayed for the night. So reddit users/readers.... AITA? Or was this all justified. (by the way most of the fight was caught on our indoor cameras).
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Lunar-Eclipse0204
Why are you staying with an abusive ah and his family?? Honestly, you need to start recording conversations between you and your stepdaughter - to keep everything on track and make everything a group text with her and include your husband(hopefully soon to be ex) NTA.
sheramom4
NTA. I will say this may have been better just coming from her dad. Has she had some grief counseling? You are 100% correct that those items cannot continue to take up space in the home, especially things that are expired or simply trash.
Clothing and such can maybe be made into a blanket and some other keepsakes and then the rest donated. Obviously sentimental items, photographs, jewelry etc is a different story. Your husband is an AH for coming at you like that instead of communicating. Stepdaughter needs to get herself under control as well.
dart1126
NTA. I’m assuming your husband was the one who ripped you a new one and called you names and refused to hear you out on the actual conversation? You have a husband problem.
You let this adult kid move in, who doesn’t like you, causes you to generously buy a bigger place to fit them, has excess stuff from her mother all over…..you broached the subject in a family group chat, and you say she twisted it to your husband and said you were forcing her to get rid of stuff. Was HE not in this chat too?
AwayWithDumb
NTA. I can understand sentimental value, but there's a point where it gets to be too much stuff. That's how people turn into hoarders. I remember going through my father's possessions. My sister and I ended up getting rid of most of them.
KikiMadeCrazy
NTA. It’s not her house and it’s absolutely logical to make space for everybody. Considering you basically asked her to reorganized and remove basically GARBAGE not sentimental items.
If for whatever reason she really wants to hold everything storage united exist for THAT. Sorry but if my husband calls me the C word I’ll send him divorce paper the next day.
Lunar-Eclipse0204
Why are you staying with an abusive ah and his family?? Honestly, you need to start recording conversations between you and your stepdaughter - to keep everything on track and make everything a group text with her and include your husband(hopefully soon to be ex). NTA.