'AITA for asking my stepmom to delete pre-transition photos of me from her social media?'

"AITA for asking my stepmom to delete pre-transition photos of me from her social media?"

I (FtM) started my social transition around four years ago. it's been going really well and I am surrounded by the most supportive people I could ask for. I haven't had the chance to start my medical transition yet, but my social transition has been a huge success so far.

My parents are extremely supportive and there have been very little issues, however, one of my biggest dysphoria triggers is my childhood. I was rather girly as a kid and a lot of the pictures taken of me were in dresses, makeup, and other traditionally girly things. a lot of these pictures did end up on facebook, instagram, etc which I don't mind because you'd have to scroll through years of photos at this point to find them.

thats where the conflict comes in. My step mom has recently been reposting old photos of my siblings and I when we were kids to "reminisce." My issue with this is that i don't want to remind people of who I used to be, the girl I used to be. It'll often raise questions of why I transitioned and it'll often trigger a period of time where I am misgendered or deadnamed more often.

Not only that, but there are people on those social media pages who only met me post transition (name, gender, hair, clothing change) who are now seeing those pictures. Lastly, I have a lot of trauma from my childhood and seeing those photos is an instant trigger for those feelings.

Her argument to this is "those are our [my parents] memories too" insinuating that those experiences weren't strictly mine and thus they have a right to repost whenever they'd like. That's been her argument to a lot of other things too, even as we were decorating our Christmas tree I didn't want to put up an ornament that said my deadname or one that said "little princess" and her argument was the same.

WIBTA if I asked her to take them down (the reposted photos) or should I just let her keep them up since "they are her memories" as well? I worry I might be the ahole because they are experiences my parents experienced as well and some reminiscing is good.

Also, they are her social media pages and I cant control what she posts on them, especially since the original copies are already there, they're just buried deeper down and so people don't see them immediately when they open her page.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

YearlyDepression said:

NTA. Your request is very reasonable. I personally think that reposting old photos of children is in poor taste if those older/adult children aren’t OK with it, for any reason. And you’re not even asking her to delete the originals.

Is it technically her legal right to do what she wants with those photos? Yes. But you would not be an ahole to ask her to stop, and I think she would be an ahole if she continued. It’s not like you’re asking her to remove all traces of your pre-transition self. You aren’t asking her to remove photos from photo albums.

Reposting old photos on social media is completely unnecessary. And it’s not just “reminiscing” — she’s sharing it with everyone who follows her on her socials. She and your father can reminisce without amplifying old photos to a larger audience.

RonitSarangi said:

NTA for asking her to take the photos down. I suggest you ask once more and if she refuses to do so, then block her or limit notifications from her so that you don't get to see those pictures again. Don't make it an ultimatum but make sure your step-mom understands why you want her to take them down. If it helps, write a letter to express your feelings on this topic.

Extreme-Pirate1903 said:

NTA. Sure, they are her memories too. She can keep those memories in private as much as she wants.I am a parent of a trans person. If she cared to, she could do one little Google search and discover the consensus that removing public photos upon request is right thing to do.

PlentifulBox said:

NTA. Unbelievable. She can reminisce without reposting, and your comfort is more important than her sharing photos. She’s placing more value on internet likes than on you, a real person who she supposedly loves.

RedIntentions said:

NTA. Tell her it's triggering and maybe suggest to repost the photos with you cut out of them?