'AITA for asking to wear pants to my sister-in-law's wedding?' 'Enough is enough.'
"AITA for asking to wear pants to my sister-in-law's wedding?"
I (Olivia, 27) love photography and my SIL, Samantha (27). When she announced her wedding, I volunteered to be her photographer—completely free of charge. She lives hours away, and I wanted to help with the stress. Big mistake.
Because I enjoy being creative, I also designed her invitations, table numbers, wedding website, playlists, and bridal shower games. I even took a vacation day to help set up. She asked me to organize the wedding timeline, which I did, and she’s always had access to it. But with every task, she became more demanding. Some mornings, I’d wake up to 20+ texts full of requests.
Some of the more ridiculous ones: She insisted I make a custom cocktail hour playlist instead of using a pre-made one. She demanded I attend a second rehearsal, even after I said I had an exam to study for. She assumed I’d photograph her bridal shower AND rehearsal—without asking. And the kicker?
She insists I wear a floor-length gown and heels while photographing the wedding. I’m not in the wedding party. I won’t even be in pictures—because I’M TAKING THEM. Long fabric + heels + running around a venue? I’ll be tripping all day. I asked months ago to wear something more practical, and she completely shut it down.
On top of this, family drama has made things worse. My FIL has been gossiping about the siblings. When my husband and I refused to engage, he called us “self-righteous,” causing a rift. I assured Samantha I’d remain civil. (That word is important later.)
I recently found out she’s been complaining about me, saying, “I don’t know what’s going on with the wedding because Olivia hasn’t responded!” and blaming me for her not hanging out with everyone.
She’s also mocked my husband and me for our faith, jealous that other siblings are closer to us because we attend the same church. Now, a week before the wedding, I finally put my foot down. I told her:
She should assign a bridesmaid to coordinate the day of because I can’t be both photographer and coordinator. I need to wear pants and comfy shoes to do my job but would change into a dress after major events. Her response? “I thought we agreed to keep things civil? Did I do something offensive? 'm trying to keep this wedding less stressful as much as I can.”
CIVIL? If anyone has made this wedding less stressful, it’s me. I don’t think she’s concerned about me—just that she won’t get more out of me. I love her, but enough is enough.
I have exams, my cat just had surgery for a possibly cancerous tumor, and I was sick for a month leading up to this. I understand I signed myself up for all these duties and I’m asking to change my outfit last minute, but I feel completely taken advantage of. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Jocelyn-1973 said:
NTA. Start telling her things instead of asking. Like "I will be wearing pants. If you have a problem with this, let me know, so that I can stop investing in this wedding because you will find a new photographer." And 'I will just do the photos of the main event." "You will have to make your own playlist. I am just doing the photos. Of the main event. While wearing pants."
Fizl99 said:
NTA - tell her to book a photographer in a full length dress and heels instead if she insists you wear the dress. You have to set up your location shots, put yourself in all sorts of positions to get good pictures, maybe explain that to her.
Pristine-Rhubarb7294 said:
NTA and just wear pants. What’s she going to do, kick out her only photographer?
JennyM8675309 said:
NTA. It will be physically impossible for you to get certain shots if you’re in heels and a floor-length dress. You’ve put in a lot of work for this wedding, and it‘s unfortunate that she’s unappreciative. Wear a nice pantsuit or jumpsuit for the wedding, and do the photography. I wouldn‘t even bring a change of clothes.
You are there to take pictures, Heaven forbid you miss some shot while you’re changing. And going forward, limit your contact with her, as she‘s shown herself to be argumentative and petty.
suchalittlejoiner said:
ESH. She is demanding, but you seem very … overly involved. As you say, you aren’t even in the wedding party. It feels like you really inserted yourself and have a bit of a martyr complex. You offered to photograph, and you could have said no to literally everything else. You did this to yourself.
As to the outfit, if you are family, there will likely be family photos. You need to be dressed for them, which probably means a dress. You aren’t just a photographer behind the lens. So, if you will be in pics: dress code. If you won’t: pants, but that means no sitting at the table like a guest, no drinking, no dancing. Are you staff or a guest?
As for the remainder: Photograph the wedding if you wish. Stop the rest and say no to all other requests. If you can’t use your words and autonomy to follow those simple steps, then you have a bit of an issue.
CallingThatBS said:
NTA!! You are being taken for granted! She bad mouths you and her soon to be husband to others?!?! Why is he marrying her?? She sounds horrible.
quats555 said:
NTA. “I’m sorry I am unable to meet your wedding photography needs. I will step down now so you can find one better suited to your needs. I look forward to attending your wedding.”
Sometimesitsamonkey said:
NTA. You should have put your foot down ages ago, but too late door that now. Though, the do make some cute rompers and jumpsuits that are great for weddings. Maybe something to look into for a compromise? Not that you need or should compromise, but if that’s something you’d want to look into.