"AITA for asking why my coworker wears makeup everyday?"
So I (29M) was at work during a pretty long meeting with a few other co-workers. One of my co-workers is new (late 30s F) and the conversation steered around our professional experiences and history. Pretty standard I guess.
Midway during reviewing some boring stuff this co-worker asked me with a smirk, « Can I ask you a question ? ». Since we were talking about our professional lives I was like « yeah sure what’s up? », and she followed up with why do you always wear hats? Now, I’ll be honest I’m bald, however I like my baldness.
I started balding at 21 and I was like, screw that, and just shaved it off instead of trying to style my hair in anyway to hide it. Also since my hair is super curly and compact it just wasn’t gonna be an option. In college people loved it, said I had a good head shape and said I looked like Terry Crews, Shaquille O’Neal or The Rock (not sure about that last one lol) so I was pretty confident with it.
But when I turned 25 I started being mistaken for 30 cause of the bald cut so I started wearing hats pretty much everywhere. Grew a collection for all situations, work, gym, social life. Anywhere besides weddings and funerals tbh. And with hats on at 29 I’ve been mistaken to be as young as 22 (not the goal but yeah).
The plan was to wear them until 30 and then cut back when my head matched my age lol. Anyways, this co-worker asks « why do you wear hats everyday? » to be fair it’s a corporate setting but it’s also tech, we’re in marketing and it’s 2025 so smart-casual is the rule of thumb and my bosses don’t care and dress in hoodies and hats to work some days.
I responded « I like hats » and she said « but everyday? », so I said « yeah I’m bald, I like my headshape but I don’t wanna look like I’m 35 so I’ll wear hats for now, plus I look good in them! ». Now I wasn’t thinking and she’s probably around this 35 age or older so I may have offended her with that but she replied « 29 and wearing hats everyday to hide? Wow »
This atruck a nerve with me so I responded « Well since joining I’ve seen you wear makeup everyday, even casual Fridays or on your work from home team calls, so why do YOU wear makeup everyday? » there was a muffled giggle but it’s clear the atmosphere was tense.
She got heated and said « that’s a s*xist question » and I said « How? Other women in the office don’t wear makeup everyday and my boyfriend sometimes wears makeup when we go out to a high class event. He just doesn’t do it everyday. So why do you wear makeup everyday? »
She got heated and silent and one of the other co-workers went back to focusing on the deck. I feel like her and I not on the best of terms now as she will not talk to me now. So, AITA for asking why my co-worker wears makeup everyday?`
Here's what people had to say to OP:
hurricanescout wrote:
ESH. Even leaving aside questions of sexism in the workplace. ESH. She clearly wanted to say “I think it’s dumb that you wear hats every single day.” Instead she cross examined you on your perfectly work appropriate style.
You then wanted to say “the way you cross examined me about my style was invasive and not okay/annoyed me/hurt my feelings.” Instead you went on to do the exact thing you didn’t like, to her. To what, teach her a lesson? You knew how bad it felt, so what, you wanted her to feel as bad as you did and now wonder why she won’t talk to you? So yeah. ESH.
todeshase wrote:
NTA. I Don’t get these e-s-h responses. On its face value “why do you wear makeup everyday” is a simple question and she could have said “because I like to”. Which, to be fair, you could have said in response to her. She was majorly out of line for not dropping it after your first response. She was rude for continually questioning your choices. Also the smirk but I don’t know if people actually do that in real life.
-ciscoholdmusic- wrote:
ESH. Her first question wasn’t rude. Benefit of the doubt, it’s genuine curiosity. Her follow up question was sounded a bit judgmental, still not AH behaviour though. Her comment at then end though, very arsehol-y.
Your question was only designed to hit back at her, so asshole.
FYI - men being bald is nowhere near as stigmatised as women not wearing makeup in the workplace.
sxzxnnx wrote:
I think whoever initiated the questioning is TA. Asking a woman why she wears makeup every day is clearly sexist since men rarely wear makeup and women usually do. Asking a man why he wears a hat every day is antagonistic and weird but not necessarily s3Xist since both men and women commonly wear hats.
Not taking the initial answer of I just like hats and think I look good in them is what makes this weird and antagonistic. What was the point of her questioning? She wants to point out that OP is balding.
She is older and finds hats indoors to be disrespectful or bad manners. She is trying to undermine OP’s confidence by implying he shouldn’t wear hats. She is hoping that OP will take off his hat and reveal his secret gang tattoo on the top of his head. There is just no normal answer for why she would be asking this question and refusing to drop it.
Butterenriched wrote:
ESH. She was being inappropriate, but you were at work. The way to come out of that interaction in the clear is to say something like "as interesting as it is, I think we've talked about my hat enough for the day, what's everyone doing on the weekend?", not to be equally weird to prove a point. There's no air horns, nobody's going to clap.