'AITA for asking my wife when her sister will pay child support since she believes her sister has more right to name our daughter than I do?'
"AITA for asking my wife when her sister will pay child support since she believes her sister has more right to name our daughter than I do?"
ParticularPublic4435
My wife and I (both early 30s) are expecting our first child together after five years of marriage. My wife was always close with her sister but I never felt like her sister was put between us before or where I felt like they ganged up on me.
We had talked about baby names in the past, we had agreed we'd like 3-4 kids. Our communication was amazing for years, both before and after marriage. But now that she's pregnant it's changed.
She decided that she doesn't like any names we discussed before and as the mom and the person carrying the baby, she gets a final say and she's been discussing names with her sister and having her sister give suggestions but she won't listen to a single name I suggest.
I told her I understand if she wants to share her ideas or get some inspiration from her sister but we should be talking, her and me. She brushed me off. I asked her to please listen and understand that she was hurting my feelings by doing this and she was making me feel like I was less important in this process than her sister.
I told her that our daughter is ours together and we should be working together. Afterward her sister told me to know my place and stay in my lane. I asked my wife to attend couples counseling with me.
She asked me what I was being so dramatic for. I told her I want to be a part of naming our daughter. I want to have some say, to work with her, not to have her and her sister name our baby.
About a month ago my wife finally said that she feels like her sister, being a woman and her closest friend, has every right to have a say in what her first niece will be named. She told me it's important that she includes her in this.
That I don't have a right to insist on being a part of this. I was so mad at that point that I didn't argue further or say more. I settled down, talked to a therapist to get some ideas on how to communicate better.
I had gently brought up including me in between and then a few days ago I told her how hurtful that was to me and I asked her why she didn't want me to be a part of it, what was she afraid of or was she feeling pressured to include her sister out of guilt or something else.
She told me she felt like she could say who could name our baby and who can't and she wanted her sister, not me. She told me I should try to be understanding of this and it's not such a big deal.
I asked her when her sister will pay child support since she has the right to name our child when I don't. At that point I had grown so frustrated and was angry. My wife called me ridiculous and said I was being petty and how it seemed like I didn't respect her decisions or her sister being involved which she thought was ugly of me.
She also said it's crazy to even think her sister should pay child support when she's our daughter not her sisters. Then she told me I shouldn't be such an ass about this by asking weird questions like that. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
MenchitWolfram
NTA. Are you sure it is your child? I see ten thousand red flags and would insist on a paternity test. You are not being treated as a father or a spouse. Your wife AND her sister are total aholes here.
StephenTemple65
Wife and her sister are waving more red flags than a matador!
DefNotVoldemort
If OPs wife is being this unilateral over the name what is she going to be like with things like school or discipline? This needs to be discussed now. As if they were divorced OP would have some decision making rights...
Beautiful-Scale2046
I bet she keeps OP out of the delivery room and only having her sister there.
SnapesGrayUnderpants
Are you sure you're the father? Because your wife is acting like you're not the father. I assume all future decisions about your child will be made by your wife and her sister.
Ok_Passage_6242
NTA. You should be involved in naming your child unless it’s some cultural thing or passing down a family name. I will tell you this because I see this to the women on these threads with Similar in law problems.
This might seem like you’re blowing it out of proportion, but welcome to the rest of your life. I would take a stand now because I feel like once this baby is born you’re not gonna be in control of her upbringing or any of your other children’s upbringing. Or you could get a divorce and you can parent without Your wife’s sister looking over your shoulder.
Frosty-Succotash-931
NTA. Your wife doesn’t get the final say in naming your child. Her sister telling you to stay in your lane was completely out of line and she should be corrected. Your wife’s reasoning as to why her sister has a right to be involved in your child’s naming while you don’t is absurd.
Your wife’s dramatic change in her personality (indifference to your feelings, inflated sense of self-importance, aggressiveness, etc.) noted during her pregnancy are most likely transient mood and emotional conditions that will eventually go away when her hormones stabilize, but could signal your wife being at greater risk to severe PPD.
These changes should be communicated to her obstetrician so they can closely monitor and react timely if specialized care is needed.