'AITA for attending my BFF’s wedding since my GF wasn't invited?'
"AITA for attending my best friend’s wedding?"
I (M28) have been with my partner (F26) for a year and a half. I’ve known one of my best friends (F27) for 5 years, and I’m also close with her fiancé (M27). They were some of the few friends I had when I first moved to a new city.
They’re getting married in another state, about an 8-hour trip from where I live now, and they asked me to be a groomsman. The issue is, my partner wasn’t invited. They told me it wasn’t personal, that other partners and even some extended family weren’t invited either due to budget and space limitations. Since they’ve only met my partner twice, she didn’t make the list.
I honestly wasn’t happy about it because I wanted her to be there with me. I even offered to cover all of her costs, but they said it wasn’t possible. They explained there’s a “waiting list”, if someone drops out, she might get an invite. They apologized for the situation.
It took me a couple of days to tell my partner, but when I did, she surprised me. She said she understood, even if she was a bit upset. She even offered to come on the trip and stay in the hotel while I went to the wedding. I told her that would be really thoughtful, but it wasn’t necessary.
A few days later, she brought it up again. She said after talking to her friends, they suggested a compromise: I could go to the ceremony but skip the reception to be with her. I disagreed. I plan to spend my life with her, and we’ll have plenty of moments together.
But this wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event for close friends, and they specifically want me there to celebrate. I suggested we plan a special trip together afterward to make it up to her.
Now she says that when we get married, she doesn’t want to invite my friend and her fiancé, kind of as payback for the situation. But I don’t feel that way. To me, if I can’t invite two of my five closest friends, then what’s the point of even having a wedding?
I know my partner has every right to be upset, and she’s under no obligation to sit around while I go to an event she’s excluded from. But AITA for wanting to attend the wedding fully and still planning to invite my friend and her fiancé to my own future wedding?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
steinerific said:
If someone is important enough to be asked to be part of the wedding party, they are important enough for a +1. Period, end of story. This is basic etiquette. If you say you don’t have room or can’t afford it or some other BS excuse, you are planning your wedding wrong.
Odd_Task8211 said:
ESH. You are in the wedding party - that should have gotten you a plus one. Your partner offered to travel with you and stay at the hotel during the wedding. You shot that down for no good reason. Now your partner wants to be spiteful and keep 2 of your best friends from your wedding. Nobody here is exactly covering themselves with glory.
Leavesdontbark said:
Yeah, I think she might be hurt that he essentially said he doesn't want her there when she suggested she could come along and stay at the hotel
OP responded:
I didn't say that, I said that understand if she doesn't want to come, but I would be very happy if she could travel with me and wait for me in the hotel, I just want to attend to the whole wedding process, not just one part.
IHaveBoxerDogs said:
ESH. And I mean everyone. Your “best friends” who think it’s okay to invite a groomsman who has to travel 8 hours but not his serious girlfriend. You for saying yes. Your GF for already planning to use your wedding as revenge, and her friends for sticking their noses in where they didn’t belong.
energyoftheuniverse said:
Honestly bro your friends are cheap a$$ idiots, doesn’t matter if they saw your partner only a couple of times, if you are “best friends” as you say it’s absurd they don’t want your girlfriend to come, YTA.
Otherwise-Xanned said:
“To me, if I can’t invite two of my five closest friends, then what’s the point of even having a wedding?” Lol I was pretty split until this. She’s being a little unreasonable but your friends suck and so do you. YTA.
LLD615 said:
The bridal party should always have an invitation for their partner. Your friends aren’t treating those who are standing up for them very well. I could see not giving a guest to someone who doesn’t have a guest to bring but your situation isn’t that. It sounds like your partner was supportive until she chatted with friends and then changed her mind…?
Equal_Equivalent_189 said:
Soft YTA. You have best friends for 5 years & GF for 1 1/2 years & they dont know her? Doesn't seem to jive. Is this a long distance girlfriend you chat with on line or in real life?
OP responded:
They moved states before we got together, my friends met my GF only twice when they traveled here to visit
Thoughts?
We'll keep you posted on any updates!