'AITA for attending my brother's wedding even though my wife couldn't?'

"AITA for attending my brother's wedding even though my wife couldn't?"

Me & her (both age 27) are in relationship since 6+ years (college time) and got married 2 yrs ago. Happy, healthy relationship overall (what I honestly think).

We both are paired well with each other's family too. My younger brother recently got married on 2 Nov. It was a high cost wedding, only the close ones were invited, like 15-20 people from his side. Me & my wife were obviously invited.

The issue is, she works in a bank where leaves are very limited & hard to get. I'm carrying my Dad's business, hence I'm my own boss and can take as much leaves as I want.

To attend the event, we needed at least 5 days, as it was a destination wedding at a very beautiful place. She tried, but as expected, it wasn't possible for her to come. We both were sad and confused, but I had to tell if I'm coming or not to my brother in advance, as he was doing the travel preparation of everyone in 2 traveller vehicles.

So, with a super heavy heart, I decided to go. It isn't like she wasn't invited, the blame goes to the the circumstances...I said the same to her, comforting and asking if she wants me to do any favor before going to the wedding. Got her fav chocolates before going too. She behaved neutral. I knew she was feeling left out, but it was my beloved brother's wedding after all...

Now since my return, she's giving me a cold shoulder and gets miffed whenever someone shares the wedding pics or talks about it on the family group. I try to clear my intentions again, but she is listening from one ear and throwing it out from the other one. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Spare-Shirt24 wrote:

NTA It is incredibly unreasonable to expect you miss your brother's wedding because her employer didn't approve her time off.

She needs to stop acting like a toddler over it.

redbeardedlumberjack wrote:

NTA, say something like: “babe I’m so sorry your work wouldn’t give you the time off, it really sucks! I missed you terribly and my family was upset your job wouldn’t give you the time off to attend the wedding.

If the situation was reversed I’d be really upset at missing the wedding but I would want you to go because it’s your brother.

It may not be your intention, and I know how badly you wanted to be at the wedding, but it feels like you’re taking out your anger at not being able to go to the wedding on me because I chose to go. What needs to happen to resolve this so it doesn’t hurt our relationship as an unintended side affect?”

She’ll either see the issue and change, or it will get worse and she’ll be defensive. If you want to ensure your marriage stays or returns to being strong you need to address this head on and right away. Best of luck.

National_Pension_110 wrote:

NTA. Your wife was invited. She couldn’t go. It’s your brother, so you couldn’t miss it. She’s being bratty about it, but hopefully she’ll get over it. Does she behave like this in other situations when you disagree? It’s passive aggressive behavior and if it happens often, you should address it. If it’s just this one thing, maybe see if she stops after a few weeks. But her reaction is a sign of emotional immaturity.

9inkski3s wrote:

NTA it is not your fault if she could not get time off. It is unfair to expect you to miss an important event like this because of her job.

exbayoubelle wrote:

Sorry this is straining your relationship but it was your brother and you needed to be there for your family. She needs to talk with you on a heart to heart. It is ok for her to admit she feels left behind but she doesn’t need to take it out on you.

No_Agent_1611 wrote:

NTA but you two need to talk. She’s probably not mad at you but she’s mad at the situation. More so if she doesn’t like her job or there’s something going on there. I’m not sure how long I’d keep dwelling on missing every fun and important family event because the job I hate but make a lot of money at won’t let me go. That’s a dilemma for a middle aged person, not the under 40’s or over 70’s.

Trafalgar_D_Law wrote:

Obviously NTA. Your wife is acting childish. Sure she feels left out but it was her job and she couldn't get leave. Neither of you is at fault here. What were you supposed to do to please her? Not go to your brother's wedding? That would make her an AH and very selfish if that is what she wanted.

She is acting unreasonable. Sure she is disappointed she couldn't go but it was out of your hands. She shouldn't be giving you cold shoulder over this and treating you like that.

If my partner could not make it to a wedding, she will ask me how it was, if I took pictures, etc. and we would talk about it and vice versa.