'AITA for attending my kids birthday party with my ex wife (co-parenting)?'

"AITA for attending my kids birthday party with my ex wife (co-parenting)?"

I (36m) have 2 kids with my ex-wife. The kids are 8 and 5 years of age. We divorced over 2 years ago and have been in a co-parenting situation ever since. There is no big conflict between me and my ex-wife and there has never been one apart of the occasional disagreements about the shared bank account of the kids. No big of a deal, just small issues.

The only contact I have with my ex is whenever something has to be arranged for the kids or when we have to keep eachother informed like school stuff, doctors appointments etc. So my son his birthday is coming up and he wants to throw a party for his 6 closest friends from school and his little sister.

So 8 kids in total. The day of the party he will be at his mom's house so she arranged it all. He wants to go to a big playground, something about 20km (12.5miles), away from home. My son came up to me and asked if I would attend his party and drive half of his friends to the playground and be there when he celebrates his birthday with his friends.

I said Yes because I feel like I can't say no to this request. My girlfriend is mad at me for going to my son's birthday party. She doesn't understand why I have to be there. My son will be playing with his friends leaving me with his mother to sit and wait. According to her we will be giving off "happy family vibes" which hurt her feelings.

She says I'm loyal to my ex and I should have my priorities with her. I tried to explain I'm there for my son, but also for myself. I want to be the kind of father who is part of my kids memories. I don't want to be the father who was never there because I let my dislikings for my kids their mother prevail. AITA for attending my son his birthday party while my girlfriend doesn't want me to go?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Desert_witch420 wrote:

She asked why are you going to your son's birthday.... read that again....why you wanna be with that????

wascomsauce wrote:

NTA - But your GF is, and this should be a red flag as bright as a neon sign. She doesn't like your kids, she likely wants you to not be part of their lives because it "makes her upset" somehow.

SaltyShaker2 wrote:

YTA for even questioning if you are the AH for attending your son's birthday party. Get a new girlfriend, this one will ruin your relationship with your children.

iheartwords wrote:

NTA and either your girlfriend is emotionally immature or has a very cold heart. Maybe ask yourself, if she’s this self centered and so uncaring about your son’s wellbeing, do you see a future with her?

ColdstreamCapple wrote:

NTA. But how new is this relationship? If your girlfriend is brand new and already playing these games then I’d send her on her way

She needs to realise your son comes as part of your package and that will involve interacting with your ex at times.

hashtag-blessed wrote:

Your girlfriend sucks for wanting a man who would put a new relationship ship before his own kids. She sucks for being selfish enough to even consider asking you to miss your son’s birthday for no reason at all except that she doesn’t like the idea of you co-parenting with your ex-wife. I can’t think of any reason you should stay with someone who would do that.

Ok_Objective8366 wrote:

Yeah she is not a good match if she can’t get this. In your child’s eyes you and your ex with him and sister is a happy family. He gets mom and dad don’t live together anymore and are not together but all he cares about is you get along with his mom. Love hearing this for your kids and keep up the great work with your ex.

LadyHavoc97 wrote:

NTA, but your girlfriend is giving off so many red flags that she could supply a color guard parade in Moscow. Your children obviously come first to you, which is exactly right. She wants to come first to you, but without your children in the picture. You are going to have to make a big decision soon, and she’s going to force your hand. Choose wisely.

Usual_Bumblebee_8274 wrote:

NTA but if she’s willing to try to prevent you from attending your young sons bday party, over her jealousy, what else would she want you to sacrifice?! That’s absurd. How does she think the kid would feel if his own FATHER didn’t show up to his party? His feelings would be more than hurt-he would be devastated.

You’re trying to do your job as a father & co-parent your kid. She is trying to interfere “just because”. It shows maturity that you are trying to handle this with grace. This is your child’s life- his freaking life, that she is playing with. Your kids deserve better. Sounds like you do too. If you stay with her, not only will it get worse, you will be complicit in the downfall of your relationship with your kids.

impossible_smile4113 wrote:

NTA. Your girlfriend is showing her ugly "step" parent side and you need to pay attention. If she thinks any event/activity with your ex is worth skipping even though it's about your kids, this is going to cause massive headaches forever.

She will never understand your children are and should be your priority and that yes, that means being around your ex and communicating with her. Don't let her get between you and your kids.

Megggie wrote:

NTA. Your first priority should be your children, full stop. If she can’t handle that, she shouldn’t be dating a man with children. I don’t even want to imagine how she treats your kids, if she’s met them at this point. If she (hopefully) hasn’t, you still have room to dump this immature brat before she hurts your kids.

You know what needs to happen or you wouldn’t be here. Any woman who wants you to abandon your child ON HIS BIRTHDAY is a lousy human being. Bye, Felicia.