Aunt takes niece to get waxed behind her mom's back; 'she wanted to look normal.' AITA?
"AITA for taking my niece (15F) to get waxed behind her mom's back?"
I come from a family of VERY hairy, and very fair skinned women. The hair is thick, and very dark. Hair removal has always been a common topic of discussion amongst us all throughout our lives, many of my aunts, siblings and cousin have spent tons on laser hair removal over the years.
And when I say hairy, I mean facial hair, back hair, stomach hair, that would be more common on your average man. My youngest sister is your crunchy granola, all natural type. Doesn't shave, thinks it's a double standard and hypocritical, all bodies are beautiful, all that stuff and i support her in that. Be happy in your own skin.
Well I am not one who particularly cares much about it either and only shave on special occasions, I am also am very well aware how cruel kids can be, as I definitely experienced a ton of bullying throughout my life for it and it took me well into adulthood to get comfortable with it. My sister's daughter has the hairy gene, and I suspect possibly some kind of hormonal issue.
At 14 she has extensive facial hair, including from her chin to her neck, that in some spots is thicker than your average arm hair. My sister allows her to shave only from the knee down, and she will also shave her face, but she tends to get razor burn and a 5 o'clock shadow.
My sister refuses to allow her to "waste money on satisfying society's unfair beauty standards." Anyways, my niece asked me to take her. She says she is bullied constantly at school, and she is super self conscious, she was crying as she told me about it.
She even once got chemical burns on her face after sneaking nair out of her friends moms bathroom in the middle of the night and trying to use it. I asked my sister if I could take her and she said no, and went on about how I shouldn't be forcing my beauty standards on her daughter.
I actually don't personally care what he daughter does about it, but she was obviously really struggling with it, so when she asked again because she had her first high school dance coming up, and she wanted to look "normal" (her words), I took her to get waxed without telling my sister.
She obviously lost her stuff on me, saying I over stepped and had no right to over rule her as a parent. I told her letting her daughter be miserable so she could prove a point to society made her a bad mom. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Hour_Ad5972 said:
As a formerly hairy teenager I wish wish wish someone had done this for me. In my case it wasn’t a crunchy granola mom it was a conservative mom who didn’t want me to grow up too fast. Which, you know, biology doesn’t care what you want mom. Puberty is here in all it’s hairy glory.
Another concern was that I wanted to shave ti attract boys when in reality the whole reason I wanted to shave was because of the girls because they were the only ones who noticed my hair…pointedly.
LittlestEcho said:
My mom wouldnt let me shave my legs until I was 13. And that only happened because an aunt got weird about it and gave me an electric razor in my easter basket that year.
Let me tell you, as a pre-teen kid who had very furry leg hair it was mortifying being the only one in gym shorts who's hair was visible. My poor 3yo has her father's hairy gene.
I'll NEVER comment on it myself, but you bet if she asks I'll let her straight away. If she doesnt want to then it's fine. But I'm not holding her to MY beauty standards.
Aloreiusdanen said:
NTA. However, your sister is a huge ahole. Imagine not having any feelings about your daughter being bullied in school. Does she even understand the statistics of kids her age self editing.
Your sister needs to pull her head out of her ass and understand is Not About Her or Her Views. It's about HER DAUGHTER!! Personally I think you did right by your niece, f your sister's feelings (no offense). You're trying to make her life a little easier in one of the most difficult times in her life.
amazonian_daisy said:
NTA! As a someone who has PCOS and the excess hair to go with it, I can definitely reassure you that your niece is appreciative of what you did regardless of how your sister may be feeling. Growing up (and even to this day) I worried about how noticeable the excess hair was since I was bullied for it relentlessly.
As an adult, when talking to my mother about getting laser hair removal for my face, I made a comment that she never offered to help me with it growing up by exploring laser, waxing, etc.
She told me that she thought it didn’t bother me. Your sister is choosing to ignore something that is probably so important to her daughter, even the fact that the poor girl burned herself while trying to use Nair should clue her into this being more than societal beauty standards.
lilbitofsophie said:
NTA. I agree that we shouldn’t have to conform our body in ways to be socially acceptable and we should feel comfortable in our own skin. However, your niece isn’t comfortable. She’s being bullied and even went to the extent of trying to do something about it and got chemical burns on her face.
It’s a shame that your niece couldn’t find the support in her own mother, that her mother was fine with her being bullied, and didn’t comfort her when she needed it. Instead she placed her beauty standards on her daughter when it was obvious she didn’t agree to them. Good on you, though, for being her support and helping her to feel beautiful in her own way.
Earcandy70 said:
NTA. You’re being a wonderful Auntie. Go you!