Easter controversy: Family divided over autistic child's comments. AITA?
"AITA for telling my son he can’t go to his friend’s house for Easter?"
mberu6128
My husband (M37) and I (F37) have 5 kids (17M, 13M, 13F, 11F and 10M). My husband and I are atheists, and we come from atheist families. Our 13 y/o son, Monroe, started going to a Methodist church last fall (2023), none of our other kids are Christian or religious in any other way.
Monroe has a friend, Wyatt (13M) from his youth group. Wyatt is a very smart kid and Monroe and him are close friends. Wyatt is openly gay, he’s also autistic and has an interest in fashion.
Monroe has asked Wyatt for advice on how to be more fashionable to impress girls. Monroe also pushes Wyatt to be more social even though they go to different schools. Wyatt has gone to Monroe’s baseball games and their friendship is good overall.
However, Wyatt can sometimes be rude. The last instance happened last week. In Wyatt’s school, they take written tests at the end of each unit in P.E. class, Monroe was helping Wyatt study when our 13 y/o daughter (and Monroe’s twin), Makayla came in and asked Wyatt for advice on a dress she found.
Wyatt told her the dress didn’t go with her eyes and made other comments about why he didn’t think it looked good on her. This made Makayla upset and she went to my husband and me.
I was upset and asked Wyatt to apologize and he said he didn’t understand why he had to, Monroe was defending him and when I asked my husband for backup, he said he wanted to talk about it first.
We talked later that night and my husband told me I was overreacting and that Wyatt can’t lie because of his autism and it would be wrong to make an autistic kid tell a white lie. I said this would just make Wyatt have poor manners.
Yesterday, Monroe asked me if he could go to Wyatt’s house for Easter next Sunday. I told him no because Wyatt has poor manners. My husband got home later that night and Monroe told him what happened. He was upset at me and told Monroe he could go to Wyatt’s house.
My husband accused me of being ablest and said I needed to learn to accept Wyatt for who he is. I told him I had no problem with autistic kids, just rude kids but he told me that I was being ridiculous. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
ihaterainbowpeople
YTA and you have some serious issues, lady. Your daughter asked somebody how something looked and he told her honestly. There was nothing rude done and he had nothing to apologize for.
Maybe don’t coddle your daughter to the point she can’t handle an outfit being criticized after asking for input. I’m as anti-gay as they come and somehow your son and Wyatt sound like the two most sane people in this equation.
Hungry-Intention3088
How fast will this post get deleted by OP for being roasted as a raging AH? Even if the kid weren’t autistic, is a comment that something doesn’t match worth blacklisting him forever for? I bet you’re no peach to the people around you but no one’s saying people should stay away from you for being “rude.” YTA.
Icy_Yam_3610
YTA. Your daughter asked for advice and got the advice she asked for it upset her... since you are trying to say he is rude I assume you put the rudest comment which is it doesn't go with ypur eyes that is just good fashion advice sometime color makes you pop sometimes it washes you out.
Teach ypur daughter if you want true advice ask honest people if you want reassurance and lies ask you. And your attitude is ablest, I work in schools with kids on the spectrum, although your husband is wrong, people on the spectrum CAN lie, they generally are more blunt then most because their ability to pick up on social cues is effected...
So, yes, judging him for that is ablest ( not to mention MOST 13 year old boys could use social refinement lol) That said someone can have autism AND be an a$$ it's not mutually exclusive but by ypur comments not in this case.
Every-Astronaut-7924
YTA. Your daughter asked for an opinion and she got one. I don’t see why you are making a big deal about it. She is 13 and should be able to handle something like this. Do you coddle her too much? I know you want to protect her but she needs to learn to communicate and mature on her own.
Maximum-Swan-1009
YTA. Wyatt told you the truth, as he saw it. Chances are he was probably right and your daughter would do wll to listen to him. Yes, you would be an AH if you punished your son because Wyatt told the truth. If I go to someone for fashion advice, I would prefer to have them tell the truth.
Necessary-Candy-7219
YTA. He was just being honest and had a reason why he didn’t think it looked good on her. I think you mention religion, which many commentators are saying is irrelevant, bc it actually is relevant in that you don’t really want your son to be part of it.
Logoht
YTA - have you ever heard about how if you aren't sure you like the answer, don't ask the question? He wasn't rude, he told straight up his opinion when Asked. You are literally being obtuse about this, and punishing your kid just because.
Just because someone has a negative opinion about something doesn't make it rude. This also is a good lesson for your daughter, people shouldn't pander to this whole white lies business in the first place. But yes asking for an opinion comes with the risk that you might not like what you hear.