"AITA for avoiding my best friend due to her weight loss?"
First world problem, I know, but it's something that has been getting to me for a while now. To give a bit of a backstory, we have been best friends for over 12 years. When she started ozempic, she weighed about 290, and over the course of a year has lost 100 lbs.
When she started, I was about 180, I am now 235. For months, I have been counting calories, working out, I even went from a vet receptionist to a veterinary technician (did it partially for my health, this way im moving a lot more in my workday) and I have quite literally stayed stagnant. I have tried several different medications, all have not worked.
This last week I was finally prescribed it by my PCP, only to find out I would have to pay $700 out of pocket every month. I was devastated to say the least. I told her. She was sorry for me overall, mentioned I should get in in mexico, and didn't understand why my insurance wouldn't cover it after I had explained it to her.
I told her I was very sad and was literally crying while waiting for my blood to be drawn. Later that night, she sent me a video of her on the stair climber at the gym. That really hurt me, to say the least.
Since then, she has been posting selfies every single day on Instagram of her in crop tops, and I had to mute her account. Now she's sending me snapchats of the same content. I told her I'm depressed, and she's insistent on seeing me, but I do not want to see her.
I know if I tell her how I feel it will make her very upset, as she already feels so ashamed of her body still and for her best friend to basically say she doesn't want to see it, I know will be heartbreaking.
Am I the asshole for feeling this way? I am of course HAPPY for her overall, but during this time where I am feeling depressed and defeated, I don't want to see her body or videos of her at the gym. I'm scared to tell her this. Thank you for reading, any insight is appreciated.
EDIT: I do 40 mins of cardio 4 days a week, hike 3-4 miles on the weekend. It's not at all that I "can't stand it." To be completely honest, she has always been the one getting attention when we’re out together.
I’ve always admired that about her, I've never been jealous, just happy for her, especially since I tend to be more shy. I find it cute overall when she gets haply and confident about these things.
My feelings right now aren’t about comparison or resentment. It’s that, after months of putting in effort with diet and exercise, I was finally prescribed something that both she and I believed could help me, only to find out it’s financially out of reach for me.
I shared my disappointment with her, and while she was sympathetic, it still stung. I know she isn't deliberately sending me things to hurt me, she's just sharing her life like she always has. But seeing her progress while I feel stuck is difficult, because I want so badly to be on that same journey, and it keeps getting delayed.
For those saying I’m upset because I’m no longer the “smaller one,” that couldn’t be further from the truth. For years, I was smaller, and that never mattered to me. What I want isn’t to be smaller than her—I just want to feel comfortable and confident in my own body again.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Gently - YTA. Not for the depression you're feeling, but for letting it get in the way of your friendship. You're the AH for the jealousy over her success causing you to pull away and mute her account instead of celebrating a huge loss on her part. You should have told her that while you were happy for her, you didn't want to be sent snapchats of her social media.
It sounds like you have a massive copay for your insurance. Why haven't you looked into any of the other options for compound semaglutide out there? Henry Meds, Mochi, Hers - there are options that will run you A LOT less than $700/mo.
Yes, I think you are the AH. She was 290 pounds. You are 235. That means that for years, for a long time, she was the bigger one. And did she avoid you because looking at your smaller body was too painful for her? It doesn’t sound like she did, or you wouldn’t have been friends. So why is it OK for you to shun her now that she is the smaller one?
In the end, her at the stairmaster is something she deserves support for. That’s what friends are the theoretically for. I know that you’re having a really hard time, and I’m sorry that it’s been so hard. But she’s not rubbing anything in your face.
YTA. She's the better friend because she never complained about you or avoided you when you were the *skinny* 180 lbs. and now you are on the opposite end, you can't stand it. Were you ever really her friend or just her friend because she made you look better?
Gently, YTA. Your weight gain is not your friend's fault. I understand you are depressed but maybe instead of projecting onto her, you should go with her to the gym and use her positivity to bring you back to a better mindset.
Unfortunately, a lot of insurances are not covering the glp1 meds because they are too expensive. If insulin resistance is an issue for you, try metformin, start taking an inositol supplement 40:1 ratio, and start walking 30 mins a day. It may take you longer to lose weight, but you are less likely to gain it back than those taking glp1s.
She did behave this way toward you when she was bigger than you? I understand you’re upset about insurance, but that has nothing to do with her. She’s not personally causing medications to be expensive. You’re taking your frustration about something that has nothing to do with her out on her. YTA.