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'AITA for demanding my sister return the baby items I've been saving for my future child?'

'AITA for demanding my sister return the baby items I've been saving for my future child?'

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"AITA for demanding my sister return the baby items I've been saving for my future child?"

pumpkincato

I (22F) have been saving my baby items from when I was young. This ranges from clothing, blankets, bibs, bottles, decor, crib bedding, and other miscellaneous items. I had it all in boxes in my closet -- some decor I had displayed in my room. I have sentimental attachment to it and want to pass it down to my children in hopes of it being a family heirloom one day.

My sister (26F) had her first child, my niece. I love my sister and her little family. I adore and love my niece and I've gotten a few baby items or toys for her as well. When I returned home from university, i noticed that the decor I had displayed was gone.

I asked my mom about it and she said my sister saw the decor and she told her to take it. I told her that I was saving it for my future children and my mom just denyed that it was valuable to me.

Regardless, I didn't want to argue with her about it. I went back to my room and saw that all of my boxes were gone as well. I call my sister to confirm and yes, she had taken everything. I tried to be reasonable and I told her, "i'd like everything back once you're done with it."

My sister got very angry at me, saying that it was hers now and she plans to use it for her other children - and then pass it down. I told her that this was all MY baby stuff and if she wanted heirlooms, she should have saved her own baby items.

Her argument was that she never planned on having children so she didn't save anything, mom gave her the stuff so now it's hers, and that I should just deal with it because "if it was so important, why didn't you take it with you (to college)?"

At this point, i felt like i was arguing with a brick wall. I demanded my stuff back immediately and said I'd go over to her house and get it back myself. I tried to be nice and let her use it until my niece grew out of it but she just doesn't want to give it back at all.

She told my mom and my mom yelled at me saying that technically, all of my baby items are my mom's possessions since she purchased them, thus my mom has every right to give to whoever she pleases. My mom and sister also claim that i'm lying about these items being valuable to me and im just saying that to be rude.

Mom, sister, and BIL say I'm in the wrong, my dad isn't getting into it, my others siblings are minors (below 10 y/o) so i'm not taking their opinions seriously. Basically the entire family is against me and I don't know what to do. I do know that my sister isn't well off but I did offer her to keep the items for now but that wasn't enough for her. AITA?

Later OP came back with some edits:

EDIT 1: I wanted to add some clarifications due to comments. My mom saved our things (as well as my younger siblings) and we all have them in our closets. Those items were mainly clothing and bedding.

When my sister moved out, she was sorting through things and decided she didn't need them. Her reasoning (to my understanding) being she didn't plan on having children.

Ever since she was a teen she said she didn't want children. So she decided to donate them all. She was maybe 23 or 24 when she moved out so it wasn't that long ago and in my opinion, she was grown enough to see the impact of that.

We have a younger sister and she didn't take her things. 1. Because my mom didn't let her and 2. Because my things are closer to the time my sister was born in and she wanted more older style items rather than modern.

However, a lot of the items - such as toys or decor - were used on my room until i did a remodel of my room in my teens. Those items were my decision to save. Also the bottles and bibs were in the back of the kitchen storage which I also decided to save once I was older.

My mom does take the credit for saving clothing and bedding and some blankets, but some of it was my decision to save as well (other blankets, decor, bottles, toys, etc).

Also, I still live at home. I go to university out of state so I live on campus during the school year and come home during breaks. My room is still mine until I move out, which is hopefully soon once I graduate in December.

Edit 2: I am mexican so a lot of the items are culturally significant. my bibs were not regular bibs you can buy at walmart, they have cultural significance. the bottles are glass and the nipples have been removed. some of the blankets (and bibs) even have my name embroidered.

i'm not sure what my sister is doing with those items - or if she will remove my name and put my nieces name over the top. i know it might seem silly to pass down these items to my kids but i have that sentiment and that was my plan for years now.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Kris82868

NTA. No clue what makes sis think she's entitled to all the items. But I'm kind of confused. If you're talking about things you used when you were a baby your parents must have saved them originally at least. But obviously saving the items in boxes in your closet warranted a discussion with you in the very least rather than blindsiding they weren't there.

Whale_Mmmmmountain

You’re not the AH. Your mom seems to be enabling your sisters poor decision making. Regardless of whether or not she knew those items had sentimental value to you, once she learned, she should have set things straight.

And by set things straight, I’ll be clear that the bare minimum expectation should be for her to return them to you when her child grows out of them. Hanging onto them knowing they have sentimental value to you is just cruel. Sorry you’re going through this OP.

salukiqueen

NTA They stole from you, plain and simple. I don’t know the likelihood of you getting your belongings back, you could try asking an officer to go to your sisters to collect them but without proof it’s yours it’s very he said/she said and your mom might back your sister up. At which point I’d wash my hands of all of them.

NTA This post is enraging. I noticed you had a post talking about your girlfriend. Do you think they might have done this with the thought “oh she’s a lesbian and not having kids”? Doesn’t make it better or worse, but it explains the entitlement of “I can take this because do need it.”

OP responded:

i haven't ever came out to them bc i'm not sure how that would go. i've never felt safe enough to do so with my family. i think my mom has had some suspicions but to my understanding, shes unaware of me being lesbian or having a gf.

the dynamics have always been very toxic. this is the reason i went to university across the country on the opposite coast bc i couldn't stand being home anymore. coming home for breaks is so mentally draining as well, i wish i had an alternative.

my parents always thought their first grandchild would come from me. since childhood, i have always voiced i wanted kids and my sister always said she never would, even saying this after she moved in with her boyfriend.

we were all shocked when she announced her pregnancy which, according to her, was planned. my mom has always acted differently towards me which i never understood why. but i honestly never expected this.

Brilliant-Camera9249

If it was not of value to you then why would you have kept it all. Also I wouldvtell them you now know where you stand in this family and how little you are thought of. Also that they should remember this in future.

Added info from OP in the comments:

majority of the items were in boxes in my closet. the breakables were wrapped in bubble wrap and secured safely. what i had on display was this rectangular box with a glass screen. inside the box was pink shelves with little bears and a mini piano and a pink tricycle and other things.

essentially like a bear doll house but for decor purposes only, it could not be opened. what came with that was two pink and white mini shelves. these have been on my wall ever since i had my room. i've been trying to look it up online but i haven't had luck yet.

my sister does not live at home. she hasn't for almost 4 years now i believe. she went into my room during one of her visits while i was away at college, saw the decor i had up, told my mom she wanted it, and my mom gave it to her.

i'm not sure who's idea it was to take the boxes i had as well. the two shelves that i mentioned had some trinkets of mine that were left in a pile on my bed. i was using the decor but that didn't matter to them.

also, i did not begin collecting or displaying these items due to her pregnancy. my mom does get the credit for saving my baby clothing (as she did for my sister as well) but i saved toys, bottles, decor, blankets, etc once i was older.

my sister decided on her own as an adult to donate what my mom had collected of her baby items. which was clothing and some blankets. my mom didn't save our toys or decor or blankets for any of us, i saved those bc i wanted to.

i didn't do it to rub it in her face. i always planned for the future to have kids and im a person who loves and values sentimental items. my sister didn't care for sentimental things - also didn't want to have children up until now, so she didn't think ahead to save her items or to not donate the ones my mom saved for her

Sources: Reddit
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