'AITA for telling my baby’s dad that if his mom continued to disrespect my wishes, he’d only be able to see her supervised?'
"AITA for telling my baby’s dad that if his mom continued to disrespect my wishes of no photos of our daughter being posted online, he’d only be able to see her supervised?"
I (22F) have a daughter (5mo). Her father (21M) and I are currently separated due to other non relevant issues. From the moment our daughter was born, I asked/made it clear to family & friends that I absolutely did not want pictures to be posted publicly online.
However, it was okay with the exception of holidays and special occasions. We had been together up until our daughter was 3 months old. He had always been onboard with the “no pictures posted online” rule up until we separated.
His mother (48F) has not been following this rule. I let it slide for the first few months, but then it became obvious a disrespect to my wishes. It was to the point she was posting pictures of her on Facebook 5-6 times a day.
For context, when my baby daddy and I separated, he moved back in with his mother. Last month, I talked to my baby’s dad and asked him to please reiterate my rule about the photos. I asked him to do this several times over and over as it kept happening.
At one point last week, I had to tell him that I would come pick her up if his mother kept posting photos online. The issue resolved, but apparently only for that night. Come this weekend, I’m on my way to pick up our daughter from her dad’s house. I had made a pitstop.
While I was stopped, I opened Facebook. The first thing I saw was yet again, more pictures posted of the baby 16 minutes prior to me opening Facebook. When I got to his house, I told him we needed to have another conversation.
I told him more pictures were posted. He immediately got defensive and said it was two pictures and she only posted once this weekend. I responded with the fact that once a week (which is how often he gets her, Friday to Sunday [not court ordered]) is not every once in a while.
He got even more defensive and said it doesn’t matter what I think when she is in his care. This lead to a heated argument where I told him that if it happened one more time, that he could only see her supervised with me present and I would start reporting the pictures.
At least, until he got his own place. His excuse is she’s just excited to be a grandmother and wants to share pictures of her with family/friends. If that’s what it is, why can’t she just directly send the pictures to them as opposed to online publicly?
The reason I have for no photos online is because you never know who or what is looking at the pictures in the most vile ways. No matter how private a page is, there’s always a way for an outsider to access it.
I don’t want to prevent my baby daddy and my daughter from seeing each other, but I don’t know what else to do. He said I’m being unreasonable about the pictures, but I don’t think I am.
So, AITA for telling my baby’s father that if his mother continues to disrespect my wishes of not posting photos of our child online, that he can only see her if I’m present until he can get his own place?
As some of you pointed out by going through my other posts, you’d see i was in outpatient rehab. Yes. Yes I was. I’m clean. No I didn’t use pregnant. I made a mistake during PPD and resolved it.
And to those saying his mom would be able to get full custody, not with her track record. She had 3 CYS cases open in the last year and a half. She also herself gave up temporary custody of her two underage children while she went to rehab herself two months ago. She just got that custody back. I’m not the only one who used. However, I’m the only one who went and got help.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
ESH. For the sake of your child, you need a parenting plan in place and enforced by law. The parenting plan will spell out all of these details as well as child support and visitation.
Info: "you never know who or what is looking at the pictures in the most vile ways" - Then why are you ok with posting photos during special occasions? Are you under the impression that predators stop using the internet during the holidays or something?
Exactly, and why ‘let it go for a couple of months’?
Sea-Tooth-1989 (OP)
I responded to another comment. I couldn’t fit all details into the post because of character limit. I originally did not want anything posted online. I had to compromise with her dad on it.
She’s not. That was her compromise that her mil is disregarding.
You don’t have a say in what goes on during his time unless it’s something that puts the child in danger. You also don’t have the right to tell him that his time has to be supervised.
No judge will order supervised visits unless there is a good reason and his mother sharing photos from her son’s time is not a good reason. Go to court and do things by the book because judges don’t look kindly on parents who try to restrict the other parent from having access to their child.
ESH. You're acting like you have the power to prevent your baby's dad from seeing her... Unless you have primary custody, that's not an option. And telling a parent you'll not let them see their child should only be used if the parent has done something horrible or untrustworthy, not some petty drama like this.
Your relationship with him was already strained and you've made it a thousand times worse by threatening him with power you don't have. He might take you to court for custody over this-- I certainly would. You two need to grow up and be a team for your baby's sake. You've hit your first test and you've both failed.
You aren’t wrong to not want a bunch of photos of your kid online and you can refrain from posting any, also you can tell him you don’t want photos posted, but you can’t enforce it. Unless you have a court order that says otherwise he’s right, you don’t have any say in how he chooses to parent while your guys’ daughter is with him.