'AITA for not babysitting my sister-in-law's kids on MY wedding weekend?!' UPDATED
"AITA for not babysitting my sister-in-law's kids on MY wedding weekend?!"
I (31F) am getting married next month to my partner of ten years (46M). The wedding is in a small island town. We gave everyone twelve months notice so that they could book accommodation.
My SIL (43F) lives nine hours away. She has seven children between the ages of 18 months and fifteen years. We do not see them often as it is difficult to be around them. SIL does not discipline or hold her children accountable, so the majority of them behave poorly.
They previously visited us and broke several of our closet bars (hanging from them), ate with their hands, didn't flush toilets...etc. My FIL who lives in the same town as them will not even go to their house for holidays, as he too cannot handle their behavior. My MIL doesn't understand what the problem is and she is forever over there babysitting and cleaning my SIL's house.
Today, SIL texted me and asked if I would watch the two youngest boys (18 months and 3 years) the day before and the day of my wedding. She booked last minute and could not get a hotel room to accommodate her family of two adults and seven children.
(In fact, she couldn't even get a place in the town we are getting married in. She is staying over an hour away). I felt that it was absurd that she would ask this - so I did not even respond.
Her children are her responsibility. Why on earth would I want to take care of her kids on the busiest weekend of my life? We are also in a hotel for the wedding weekend and I have my own children. I had to make arrangements for them so I could spend my wedding night alone with my husband to be.
Soon after I opened the message from SIL and didn't respond, my MIL started lighting up my phone and calling me selfish. She further stated that she would be taking some of my SILs kids and I should too. MIL did not book accommodation and is spending the wedding weekend in our tent trailer which we are towing out there for her.
We agreed that she ALONE could use it but made it clear that we are still making payments on it and nobody else would be allowed to use it. We paid over $15,000 for it when we bought it brand new three years ago, we decide who is allowed in it. She told me that she didn't care, we needed to be more flexible as she needs to care for her grandchildren.
My fiance was at work when this all happened. I am waiting for him to get home so we can discuss it. I acknowledge that family is not easy and mine isn't perfect either but I think his family has some pretty insane expectations. AITA for not watching these kids and for saying they can't stay in my tent trailer because I am afraid they will trash it?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Info: why did you invite her children to your wedding?
This-Candy5592 OP responded:
I was just trying to keep the peace as we will all be family, officially.
I have two sisters of my own who have children. It felt wrong to invite one set of nieces and nephews and not the other. I really was not anticipating things to blow up as they have. We did think of having an adult only reception but since almost everyone has children and they are travelling for our destination wedding, that seemed rude.
Laines_Ecossaises said:
NTA. It is your wedding. Being asked to look after anybody else's children is insane. Hopefully your fiance is on the same page as you and can talk some sense into his sister and mother.
GothPenguin said:
NTA-Expecting someone to watch your children the day before and the literal day of your wedding is next level master class *&$olery. If I wasn’t so stunned I’d be impressed at the levels your SIL and MIL have reached.
elythearmadillo said:
NTA. Why is this lady and her 7 brats invited anyway? They all sound awful
[deleted] said:
It sounds like SIL needs to stay home from the wedding with her 7 kids. OP, no is a complete sentence. Tell her no. You will not be watching her children. She needs to figure something else out.
Push_the_button_Max said:
Put the tent trailer away and pay for a hotel room for your MIL,(but then, after you pay for the room fee, have her swipe her credit card for "extras.") Then she can have the financial responsibility if the little monsters trash the room. NTA!
PhuckWitM3 said:
NTA. And your MIL knows its bonkers to even ask that’s why she was already on the defensive and calling you names when you hadn’t even responded yet. Your SIL’s poor planning is no one’s responsibility but her own. It sounds like she needs to stay home.
KitCat-2524 said:
My acting 2 class reads through these (9-12) and we read through a few posts each morning. My entire class is so invested in this and need an update. But we all agree NTA
And Chantalle22 said:
NTA are you KIDDING, the nerve of this woman. To ask you to babysit the day of your wedding, this is your day. The audacity of MIL and SIL is just insane. I’m sure on your wedding day you would much rather be relaxing (As you should) and getting your make up done, and spending time with your family etc… not “working/babysitting” I just can’t understand these people.
In the comments, OP shared this small update:
I talked to my fiance this morning at breakfast. His eyes rolled almost all the way around in his head. He asked to see the messages and is now taking a moment to cool off. This afternoon he is going to speak to my MIL and SIL.
He plans to say that we are busy getting married and are looking after our own children. It's a big weekend for us and if our boundaries are not going to be respected then there is no point in them coming.