'AITA for backing out as my best friend's accomplice when he kept changing his story?'
"AITA for backing out when my best friend kept changing his story?"
I (29F) have a best friend “D” (30M). We’ve been close since college, the kind of friends who can show up on a random Tuesday with takeout and just sit in silence. He’s charismatic, always has a story, always has a plan. Sometimes the plan is… messy, but I usually try to be there for him.
Last week he called me at like 11:30pm, super keyed up, and said he “needed a solid” because he was in a situation and didn’t want to do something stupid. He told me his ex (29F) was “making things hard” about a shared storage unit and he needed to go there the next day to get his stuff.
The catch: she’d apparently been dodging him and he was scared it would turn into a fight, so he wanted me to come as a neutral person. He said, basically, “Just stand there so she can’t say I threatened her, I just need to grab my boxes and leave.” That sounded reasonable, so I said ok.
The next morning I texted asking what time, and he replies “Actually it’s not the storage unit, it’s her apartment. Same idea tho.” I already didn’t love that switch, but he said the storage code got changed and she has the key, so he has to meet her at her place first. Fine. I told him I can come, but I’m not going inside, I’ll meet outside and we keep it calm. He was like “Yeah yeah of course.”
Then on the drive there, he drops this detail: he still has a key to her apartment. I was like wait, you said she was meeting you, why does it matter that you have a key? He got defensive and said “I’m not gonna use it, it’s just technically mine.” I told him straight up: if you use that key without her explicitly inviting you in, I’m leaving. He did the whole “you’re overthinking this” laugh.
We get there and she’s not outside. D walks up to the building and starts buzzing her unit. No answer. He tries again, and then says “Ok I’m just gonna go up, she’s probably in the shower.” I said dude no, you literally told me you wanted a witness so it doesn’t get weird. Going up unannounced is making it weird. He rolls his eyes and says “I’m not a criminal, I’m getting my property.”
At that point I asked, “What exactly are you getting?” and he says “Mostly my clothes. And my PS5.” I’m like… you have a PS5? Since when? And he goes “Ok not mine-mine, I bought it while we were together, but it was my card.” That’s the first time the story turned into a money/ownership fight instead of “I just need my boxes.”
I told him I’m not comfortable being there if he’s trying to pressure her or argue about what’s his, esp if she doesn’t even know we’re coming up. He snapped and said I was being dramatic and “choosing her side.” I said I’m choosing the side of not doing something sketchy.
He then says, “She’s been telling people I’m mistreating her, I need you there so she can’t spin it.” That stopped me cold. That is not “grab boxes and leave”, that’s a whole different kind of conflict. And I felt like he was using me as a shield for his reputation, not as a neutral witness.
I told him I’m leaving. I offered to wait in the car if she comes down and wants me there for a calm handoff, but I won’t go upstairs and I won’t be part of him showing up with a key. He called me a bad friend and said if something happens it’ll be on me because he’ll be alone. I said if you’re worried about “something happening”, maybe don’t force a confrontation?? He got out of the car and slammed the door.
I drove home, shaking, because I felt gross. Like I almost got dragged into whatever this actually was. Now he’s been texting me nonstop saying I abandoned him, that I made him look guilty, that I let her “win.”
Our mutual friends are sort of split: some are like “you had boundaries, good,” and others are like “you should’ve stayed and kept him from doing anything dumb.” He still won’t fully tell me what happened up there, just vague stuff like “it was a mess.” So… AITA for backing out last minute when his story kept changing and it started feeling unsafe/weird?
This is what people had to say to OP:
Rabbits012 said:
NTA. He lied. You did the right thing.
FlirtyTingle said:
if your mutual friends can’t see that, let them. you look out for yourself first, that’s not being a bad friend, that’s being sane
OP responded:
Yeah, I needed to hear that. I’m done being the “buffer” for his messy choices. If people think I should’ve stood there while he ambushed his ex, they can stay mad.
TeaseSprout said:
NTA. He was trying to use you as an alibi for a questionable situation. You were right to trust you gut and back out when it got to shady
OP responded:
Exactly. It started as “just be there” and turned into me being his shield if things went sideways. I’m not risking being dragged into someone else’s drama, esp when he’s hiding info on purpose.
TellThemISaidHi said:
NTA. Okay, let's assume you did go up, what happens when the story changes even more? It's not just the PS5, we're grabbing the TV. No, no. I bought this jewelry. This was my money in the purple kitty coffee container.
Extreme case: Okay, she actually is in the shower. That's where I dumped her. Now help me spread out this plastic tarp. You went along. You gave him the benefit of the doubt. Until you couldn't anymore.
And Greedy-Meringue-7840 said:
He sounds like a real piece of work kiddo, This is sophomoric stuff and is going to eventually land him in very hot water, you may want to think about the relationship you have with him sometimes we have to walk away because you've grown and obviously he hasn't - with or without the PS5 this chap is a game player