'AITA for backing out of giving my old 'friend' a ride to the airport and ignoring him?' UPDATED
"AITA for backing out of giving my old 'friend' a ride to the airport and ignoring him?"
For context, I’m enlisted in the military and live in the barracks (basically dorm-style housing). I have this “buddy,” let’s call him Bob. We were in the same platoon for over a year and even deployed together for six months. So yeah, we knew each other pretty well. At the beginning of this year, I got moved to a different platoon, and since then, Bob and I haven’t talked much.
That honestly worked out because over the past seven months I’ve been focused on self-improvement: I quit drinking, smoking, cut off toxic friendships, and started working hard on my biggest issue, people-pleasing. Back when Bob and I were close, I’d go out of my way to help him, even when I was exhausted. But once I started setting boundaries, I realized our “friendship” was very one-sided.
He never reached out unless he needed something, and even when I hung out at his place (usually only because our mutual friend. Let’s call him “Ryan” invited me), Bob would ask me to help him clean or do random chores—never Ryan, just me. It annoyed me, but I kept helping to avoid drama. Eventually, I stopped answering his calls. I wasn’t trying to be a jerk, I was just tired of being used.
Anyway, fast forward to Friday. I run into Bob at work, give him a polite “what’s up,” and within three minutes, he asks me to drive him to the airport this weekend. Out of old habit, I say yes, immediately regret it and spend the day trying to think of a way out. A couple hours later, I text him saying something came up and I can’t do it. He replies, “All good, thanks.” Cool, I think we’re done here.
But today, I get three missed calls from him. I ignore them. Not five minutes later, someone knocks on my door- it’s Ryan. Myself and Ryan live in the Barracks, and Bob lives off base housing. I’m almost certain Bob asked him to come check if I was in my room. Ryan’s got his girlfriend with him this weekend, so obviously he’s not trying to be Bob’s ride either. Can’t blame him.
About 1 minute after the knocks on my door. I hear someone lurking outside my window. The back of the barracks has a rock trail, so it’s easy to tell when someone’s walking past casually—but this was someone stopping, moving around, and clearly trying to peek inside my window to see if I was home.
That seriously pissed me off. It felt like a total invasion of privacy. I didn’t cancel last-minute. I gave him hours/days of notice to find someone else. And instead of handling it like an adult, he spam calls me, sends someone to knock on my door, and (presumably) creeps around my window to catch me hiding?
My weekends are the only time I get real peace and separation from work, and I guard that time hard. So yeah, I ignored the calls and the door knock, and I didn’t respond to anything after that. But now I’m feeling a little guilty, like maybe I was too harsh or immature about it. So…AITA for backing out of the airport ride and ignoring him after?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
fluffysloth2010 wrote:
NTA and stop feeling guilty that’s just your people-pleasing tendencies trying to rear up. Tell them to shut up and that you’ve got boundaries now. Make sure you’ve practiced what response you’re going to use for the next time Bob asks for a favor.
AnneFromBoston wrote:
NTA. I can so relate to your situation—I seem to collect users like honey collects flies. I recently awoke to the fact that a person I thought was my best friend has been letting me do all the work in the relationship. For the few times she asked if I needed help, she only offered what SHE was willing to do, not anything I needed. These people are better out of our lives.
Goozump wrote:
NTA If you don't want to or can't give the guy a ride, then bugging you about it makes him the AH. I went through this as a teenager when I got a car before my friends and acquaintances. Feel no guilt, you aren't a taxi.
ruyrybeyro wrote:
NTA. You gave him loads of warning, he had time to sort something else or grab a cab/Uber. He’s a grown bloke.
Two days later, OP shared an update.
So, turns out the airport ride wasn’t the full story. Through a mutual friend, I found out Bob was also looking for someone to take care of his dog while he was out of town. Apparently, he got the dog a few months ago—but never mentioned it to me. No stories, no photos, no heads-up. Just silence, and then (I’m assuming) the plan to drop that favor on me last-minute after I already agreed to the ride.
Looking back, this wasn’t the first time he’s stacked extra favors mid-favor. It’s a pattern I’m finally starting to see clearly. And when I backed out of the ride? That’s when the spam calls, the knock on my door, and the creeping around my window started. It didn’t feel like panic—it felt like pressure. I’ve tried to be a good friend. I’ve made excuses, extended grace, and kept showing up.
But I’m realizing I’ve cared more about this friendship than he ever did. And honestly? I’m done with Bob. And—something I almost forgot to mention— “Ryan” recently told me that Bob has allegedly been cheating on his wife(His girlfriend is good friends with Bob’s wife and they communicated about the situation so that’s how he found out.) I take that seriously.
That’s a hard moral boundary for me. And what really gets me is, the few times I hung out when she was around with us, she was incredibly nice—sweet, caring, and respectful. It genuinely makes me feel bad for her. She didn’t deserve that, and it really solidified for me that I don’t want to be connected to someone who treats the people closest to them like that.
At this point, I genuinely don’t care to have Bob in my life anymore. But the dog? Never met him. Don’t know his name. No idea what breed he is. And I still hope he’s doing great. Belly full, living stress-free, and far away from all this last-minute chaos. Honestly, I’d give that dog a ride before I ever say yes to Bob again.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
UndercoverHouseplant wrote:
"This wasn’t the first time he’s stacked extra favors mid-favor." The audacity, lol. "Since I'm already walking over you, mind if I wipe my feet?"
SteroidSandwich wrote:
I knew someone who used to try doing that. They would invite me out to go to location A. I would get there and it would turn out we had to go to location B, C, D... Z before we could do A. Never paid for gas or said thank you. I am do happy that person isn't in my life anymore.
literallylittlehuff wrote:
Bob sounds like a manipulative psycho stalker. He just can't stand that one of his favorite doormats grew a spine.
BrookeB79 wrote:
So he has a wife and lives off base. OP has met this wife. But the wife can't give Bob a ride to the airport OR take care of the dog?
wesailtheharderships responded:
Based on the gossip trail that lead to OP hearing about it, it sounds like the wife found out about the cheating. So presumably she’s no longer living there (and likely not in the mood to taxi him to the airport/watch his dog) so Bob was expecting OP to dog/house sit.