'AITA for backing out as MOH after I was accused of stealing from the bridal party?' + UPDATE

"I am the MOH and was accused of stealing from the bridal party so I backed out. AITA?"

I was the maid of honor in my cousin's wedding. She has 4 friends I do not know in the party. We got acquainted via text because this was at the start of the pandemic. I have an immune compromised child at home and social gatherings were limited.

An errant text message was sent in our group by one bridesmaid about me not being present for the dress selection/fitting and that there was no excuse for it. I called out the bridesmaid who said it privately and she was pretty cold to me even after I explained the situation. I didn't feel very comfortable in this group after this but did what I had to do.

We booked a destination bachelorette party at the request of the bride and looked at dozens of places. We agreed on a hotel that I fronted the money for. I sent a screenshot of the cost in our group chat and when someone exclaimed it was less than the advertised price, I didn't check it or think anything of it.

This was totally my mistake that I did not realize until later. I collected the money for the deposit and then for the balance after it posted to my account for the advertised price, broken out into equal payments for all of us. I backed out of this trip because of a medical issue but still paid my share for the hotel.

Two months later, bridal shower planning: one of the bridesmaids asked if I could rent a large throne for $400 while the other bridesmaids got cheaper supplies. I agreed with the mother of the bride that we were not getting the throne and I stated that. The next day, I got a text from a bridesmaid saying I overcharged them for the bachelorette.

I thought it was an error with our hotel and that our price changed but upon more research, I realized the screenshot I sent was from one of the other bookings we were considering (my mistake from earlier). I told them this and admitted my mistake in sending that screenshot but the cost was actually the advertised price. The messages that followed were accusatory comments and questions.

One bridesmaid told me the extra money could go back to them or towards the bridal shower. Another wanted to know where all the money went. I wasn't sure what to say anymore as it's 4 on 1 against me. I said I didn't like being accused of stealing money but they said they were not accusing me.

I talked to my cousin. She knew the money was a concern of her bridesmaids and asked them to wait until after the wedding to say anything. I felt strongly enough for my mental health that stepping back as MOH would be the best option. She explained to me that her bridesmaids understand and are going to apologize for accusing me. I still explained that I was stepping down and the bride was upset.

The stress and anxiety I felt during this planning was more than I could handle. To my extended family, I am the villain. Everyone thinks you need to set your feelings aside during a wedding but my kids and my husband come first. My mental health isn’t worth one day for someone else as selfish as that is.

Edit:

Because there is some confusion, when this was brought up and I realized it was my error that caused the discrepancy, I immediately apologized. I also provided the necessary documentation and receipts to this group showing the price they paid which was the original price we agreed on.

There was no extra money provided, everything collected was used to pay for the hotel. It was after this information was provided that the accusations and hostility got out of hand.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Prudent_Border5060 said:

Nta. First if money was a concern and the bride knew that she shouldn't have asked for a destination Bachelorette. Was the cost approved by all bridesmaids?

OP responded:

The advertised price was, yes. I made the mistake of sending a lesser price but they agreed on the advertised, higher price and paid it all without questioning it. If they had, I would have realized my mistake sooner.

One-Confidence-6858 said:

Girl, NTA. My very single child free daughter was just a MOH for her best friend. She had no issues with anyone in the bridal party. It was still a huge stress for her with the destination bachelorette party and the showers and everything. Take care of yourself.

Wooden-Echidna8371 said:

NTA. You didn’t steal anything. These bridesmaids sound toxic.

emi33ly said:

The AH is the bride who wants her bridal party to shell out hundreds of dollars they probably don't have to go to a destination bachelorette and buy thrones. I would have backed out as soon as I heard that she felt entitled enough to expect people to spend more than a few hours for her bachelorette party.

thirdtryisthecharm said:

INFO: I'm very confused by your account. You sent a screenshot of what with the incorrect price? Why did you not clarify when you checked out and got the full pricing info? Why do they think there is excess money?

OP responded:

One bridesmaid found the listing and we all agreed on the price so I booked it, paid the deposit and charged them equal amounts. The screenshot I sent was a cost breakdown prior to the booking being processed. It was not a confirmation or charge. I had so many screenshots of cost breakdowns that I clicked the wrong one when I sent in a text group.

The balance was due two months later. I charged them as it posted to my account. Again, split evenly but with the original price we agreed on. Not the breakdown I accidentally sent.

Comment from OP:

There was no overcharge. It was all the original agreed upon price. I sent them a lesser cost breakdown by accident but still charged them the original agreed upon price.

Update:

For those asking, I provided all of the necessary documentation to back up my claim that I charged them the correct price and simply sent a wrong screenshot in the group. It was after those actions that the accusations began.

They were within their rights to ask because of the discrepancy but after documentation was provided, the accusatory comments and questions led me to my decision. I realized a lot of information was not in my OP, character limit rules.