Father bans 4 daughters from wedding, 'the girls were planning to spill red wine on Daniela's wedding dress.' AITA?
"AITA for banning my 4 daughters from my wedding when I found out that they planned to spill red wine on my future wife's wedding dress?"
throw23490097
I'm a father to 4 daughters (Olivia, age 19, Christine, age 17, Eliza, age 15, and Aria, my youngest age 12) their mom and I divorced 6 years ago. Now I'm getting married to my fiancee Daniela soon.
Daniela is the sweetest woman I'd ever met. She's kind, caring, and selfless. She loves my daughters a lot but my daughters at first did not accept her and it has caused so much tension.
Quite frankly, the girls at the beginning were outright aggressive toward her. They openly disliked her and fought against her in many ways, including, saying offensive things to her, and vandalizing some of her stuff.
There was so much struggle and I honestly did not think there would be a solution for it. I even contemplated breaking up with Daniela because I didn't want her to get any more affected by my what my daughters were doing.
Suddenly, things had shifted and my daughters had a change of heart. They made a collective decision to mend their relationship with Daniela and they became really nice and respectful toward her.
It was strange, let me tell you, especially when my youngest daughter, Aria started clinging unto Daniela and spending most of the time with her. Notice that this change took place a couple of months ago. I immediately got engaged to Daniela and we decided to get married at the end of next month (Oct).
Everything was going pretty well, I busy with the wedding arrangements and stuff. I got a text message from my ex wife telling me that the girls were planning to spill red wine on Daniela's wedding dress at the wedding. I was shocked.
I asked how true this was and she said she heard them plan the whole thing. Moreover, my sister was in on it too and agreed to help them. I asked if she had any idea why but she did not respond.
I was furious, and also very disappointed not knowing how I could even tell Daniela about it when Daniela is currently helping them pick dresses for the wedding and helping them pay as well. It felt like an awful betrayal. I didn't know what to do I decided to just ban them from coming. I confronted the four of them and they denied at first.
Then, Eliza confessed but said it was intended as a "prank" and that it was Christine's idea. Christine yelled at her and denied her involvement entirely. The girls started yelling at each other then began crying when I told them they're not allowed at the wedding.
Olivia said that I'd be ruining their relationship with Daniela if I don't let them attend on the most importantly day of her life. Christine promised they won't do it and suggested that I don't tell Daniela and just let them come to "preserve" the relationship and I decided to consider it.
Well, Yesterday, My ex wife sent a voice message telling me the girls lied and were still going to do it and warned me to be careful. This time I blew up and told them it was over and that they were banned from the wedding and that it was non negotiable.
They tried to argue, deny, and beg but I refused to hear it. I was feeling so much angry and hurt. They went to stay with their aunt after I berated her on the phone and she denied.
I haven't told Daniela but my side of family knew and they oppossed my decision saying I'd turn this wedding into a joke if my girls are absent from it. My father and mother said the girls are remorseful, and promised they won't do it but i don't trust them after what happened.
My parents demanded that the girls be allowed to come and said that it will negatively affect my relationship with the girls because they said the girls won't forget I stooped them from being a part of a special event/memory. AITA for giving them another chance to attend after they lied?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
PinAccomplished3452
Daniela needs to re-evaluate this marriage, and you MUST tell her about this. This is NOT going to get better - your older daughters are not going to suddenly begin acting like decent people.
If you love this woman (Daniela) you need to take a step back and work on your relationship with your daughters and to find out what's at the bottom of this. Moving forward with this wedding is going to exacerbate this situation.
Pac_Eddy
I'm surprised that he's trying to keep this information from her. I'm sure his daughters not being at the wedding will bring questions. Almost sounds like the plot of a sitcom. Just tell her!
Unfair-Tap-850
It is, homeboy wrote this in 20 minutes to get reddit karma.
Lau_wings
NTA but something is not adding up. I am not saying that your daughters are in the right when I say this, but children generally don't hate someone this much without reason. Obviously there are exceptions, but something doesn't smell right.
You and your wife have been divorced for 6 years, which I guess depending on where you are from (I don't bother to look through profiles) you were separated for at least a year before that, so lets call it 7 years which means your girls were 12, 10, 8 and 5 when you and your wife got divorced.
The hatred your daughters have for Daniela seems to be extreme and without cause from your post. Why did you and your wife get divorced? was it an amicable separation/are you on good terms now?
I note that you do not mention how long you and Daniela have been together for, how long after the separation did you meet nor do you mention anything about her age etc, is it possible that they think that she was the reason for your divorce?
CatJarmansPants
It is, as the father of a 20yo who has both a mother and a step mother, and a father and stepfather, interesting that you've not once asked (the girls, or yourself) why? What you've described is proper, deep seated loathing , and a loathing shared by all four of your children. That, on balance, is not something that they've just come up with, or one has persuaded the others of.
Something has caused that. I don't give a darn about your wedding, so I'm not going to judge NTA/YTA - I give a shit that you don't seem to know your children at all, or be curious as to why they feel this way. You're just so infatuated by this woman they you've failed in your most important duty - being a father. For that, you are a massive AH.