'AITA For Banning My MIL From My Halloween Wedding?'
"AITA For Banning My MIL From My Halloween Wedding?"
EmoAndHostile
This can also count as Wedding DRAMA Llama and MIL from hell as well, but I can only pick one flare. So for over a year now my fiancé (M42) and I (F38) have been planning our wedding, It's supposed to be the happiest time of our life.
Right? Well I guess not. It all started at our engagement party last December when my future MIL asked when we are planning on getting married. We said Halloween 2024 because the holiday was special to us both. We first met at a school Halloween party when we were high schoolers, we love the spooky season, and along with a few other reasons.
Instantly she tried for us to change the date, saying no one would want to show up if it's creepy. We kept telling her that we were not changing it. She also kept asking if I was pregnant because I seemed a bit "chubby" and because got engaged so quickly.
We used to be high school sweet hearts, he was the one who got away, and then we reconnected at a school event our kids were apart of two years ago. I am not pregnant and we did put a lot of thought into our engagement.
As months went by she kept trying to change everything. She tried to change the flowers, cake, color them, everything! She wanted us to have classic wedding cake while we chose a caramel ganache and chocolate cake decorated with strawberries, she tried calling the baker to change it.
I wanted red carnations (my favorite flower) and lilies (his favorite), she wanted red and yellow roses! She had to be in charge of the seating arrangements, menu, and who was invited.
We decided everything along with our kids, yet she kept changing everything! She even tried to get us to have the wedding at this fancy country club three hours away instead of the church we already decided on.
Finally my fiancé put his foot down. Nothing for months about her changing anything. This the call happened. You see, my MIL doesn't really like me. She's always talking about my fiancé's ex-wife is so much better than me and why did he let her leave him? My MIL is rich and she's always looking down on me.
Now my fiancé and I get along well with his ex, they got a divorce due to different reasons, one being different life plans. The call in question was from his ex-wife! She was calling about how she's happy we sent her an invite to the wedding and she will try to clear her schedule so she can make it.
The problem is, we didn't send her an invite. She lives in Italy right now while we live in the USA, we thought about inviting her, but due to the distance and money issues on both of our ends we didn't know if it would be okay or not.
We explained it to her and she absolutely understood, bless her heart she's so sweet. We later found out that MIL made a copy of one of the sample invites we had and sent her the invite without asking us. Anyway his ex-wife is coming after all three of us had a long talk.
Well I tried to stay calm, I wasn't going to let her ruin my wedding or the planning. That was until two weeks ago. We were getting a last wedding party dress fitting and suit fitting for the bridesmaids and groomsmen.
It was my fiancé, his son (17), my ex-sister in law (my ex-husband's sister), the ex-wife, my mom, grandma, my daughter (17), my ex-husband, future FIL, and my MIL. We all were getting along, that was until my MIL started making comments about me getting another wedding dress and why couldn't I just use my last one.
My last one wasn't actually a wedding dress, but a plain white dress for church. Anyway, MIL started making comments about that, the price of everything, and my daughter. My daughter is tr@ns and still trying to come to terms with changes due to her gender identity. The comments included calling her "him" the whole time.
My daughter is used to it, but I know it hurts her. She was trying on the dress she was going to wear as my maid of honor when my MIL ended up saying, "you sure you want (daughter's deadname) to be wearing that? What are people going to thin when that (gay slur) is up there with you?"
I was livid. My daughter started crying, but tried not to so she wouldn't cause a scene. I caused a scene for her though. I snapped at my MIL for saying that and telling her to leave and how she wasn't invited to the wedding until we both got an apology and she starts respecting my daughter.
Yes I talked rash in the moment, but my fiancé backed me up and agreed with me. Since then I've been getting hate messages, calls, and comments on Facebook from my fiancé's side of the family.
She lied about a few things to them including how I'm "cheating on my fiancé." I've been scared about the wedding thinking she's going to show up, but my FiL is also on my side and said he'll make sure she doesn't go. A lot of people on my fiancé's side of the wedding is calling me the a-hole.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
MistressEeyore
Definitely NTA. I wouldn't have that woman at my house, let alone a wedding. Please don't let her around your daughter ever again.
EmoAndHostile (OP)
I definitely wont!
Head_Razzmatazz7174
NTA. Your MIL is rude, controlling and transphobic. If you don't have passwords with all your vendors, make them now. You might want to consider having some sort of security so she doesn't crash the wedding - and she will try. Ignore the flying monkeys telling you that you are wrong. They can all take a long walk off a short pier.
tropicsandcaffeine
You did nothing wrong. MIL is playing victim. She will continue to sabotage your wedding. Get ahead of this. Blast on social media exactly what happened and turn off comments. Tell everyone you will uninvite anyone trying to sabotage you or the wedding.
That you expect everyone to act as adults for this one time and if they cannot do that then they stay home. And get guards/security ready to escort anyone not invited from the premises.
Big_Insurance_3601
NTA! Mute her in case her behavior escalates so you can get a restraining order if necessary. Hire security and have her thrown out if she shows up OR put a bridesmaid in charge of dumping wine & glitter on her if she shows😈😈she’ll leave!