'Banning my in-laws from the delivery room sent my MIL to emergency therapy. AITA?'

"AITA for banning my in-laws from the delivery room?"

I just gave birth two weeks ago. My relationship with my in -aws has always been a bit rocky, but it’s never been directly acknowledged. They’ll complain to my husband but not directly to me and it’s all polite and nice when we see them together. Still, they are difficult.

That difficulty has mostly revolved around a strangely competitive relationship with my family, who they feel gets more time with us. For context, they own a business with my husband and see him literally every weekday, so I’ve never understood this concern. We do spend more non-work time with my parents who I am very close with.

I manage the relationship with my family and my husband manages his. If he wanted to spend more time with them socially, I would do that without issue. But he doesn’t and therefore doesn’t plan more things so that’s how it is. It’s not like we never see them, but I guess it is less than my family. Which again, is not my decision or fault but if course I’ve been blamed for that.

I was induced due to some high risk factors. When we found out I was likely to be induced or have a scheduled c section they asked to schedule it around their weekend away. First red flag. Luckily the date we were given (which had no flexibility as it was medically necessary) worked for everyone.

They’ve been very excited for the baby which is nice. My MIL has even been going out of her way to tell me how flexible she is and how she understands I’m going to want my mom during this time but that she’s there when I want her. I never brought any of that up. All came from her so I was feeling optimistic.

Induction day comes and both sets of grandparents are at the hospital. In laws actually got a hotel close by even though we told them it was unlikely that the baby would be born that day. They said they understood but wanted to be nearby just in case.

My parents also thought about getting a hotel but are more fly by the seat if their pants people so were playing it by ear (this is happening in a major city so finding a room would not be difficult). I had my parents and my husband in the labor room. My plan was to just have my husband for the actual birth but for the induction waiting around (which is a long process)...

I thought it was nice to have my parents who I’m very close with. More of a distraction than anything else. The hospital allowed only two visitors and a support person so we were at the max. They also had a rule that you couldn’t switch visitors out in the labor room. You could later in postpartum, but for labor you had to pick your people.

I didn’t even think about it because my in-laws had never expressed wanting to be there and in fact had expressed unprompted that they understood I would want my parents since I was in a vulnerable position. This isn’t the fun part anyway. It’s long boring waiting while I’m in a very intimate and vulnerable state. I would never have allowed them in there as we are not close.

I labored for 12 hours and then the baby moved position and we needed to do a c section late at night. His parents had already gone back to the hotel and my husband was texting them updates. My parents were still there and decided to wait to make sure I was ok. I’m their baby and they were concerned for me. Baby is born healthy and everything is good.

I'm not sure what the timeframe was exactly, but a couple hours after the surgery we’re in the recovery room where I think you’re technically not supposed to have visitors. It’s like 2am. My parents are still there and asked if they could come see me. We said yes and somehow they got back there.

They saw me and the baby for under 5 minutes. My mom said she just wanted eyes on me to make sure I was ok and they’d see us the next day. My husbands parents were not told about this interaction because it wasn’t important and wasn't even about the baby.

Some context: I battled uterine cancer last year before having this baby. It was a long scary road to get there and I had many surgeries and did IVF. So this baby is a miracle and my parents are also more worried about me than they might have been with a normal situation as a result of all of this.

His parents have been supportive, but I don’t think have ever truly grasped the severity of my illness. Certainly they’ve never expressed an understanding that satisfied me. Cut to the morning. Typically you only spend a couple hours in recovery before moving to postpartum.

However I ended up in there for like 9 hours because I needed additional monitoring. Once I was cleared it was about 9:30am. We transferred to PP where we could have visitors but baby and I were still undergoing a lot of tests and had breastfeeding consultations happening—very intimate—until around noon.

My husband was keeping his parents apprised of what was happening. They expressed no concern or feelings about any of it. Completely neutral. Once things were calmer I was like ok maybe my parent can come at 12:30 and his cane come at two since we still had a visitor limit but we’re allowed to switch people out.

I was emotional and venerable and wanted to see my family. It was a two hour difference. Again his family expressed no concern. My parents get there and things are fine but at 12:30 his parents text saying they’re also here. Ok fine. My parents volunteer to switch out with them.

My husband goes to get them from the lobby. His mom has already left in the 5 minutes it took for him to get downstairs and sent him some insane texts about how she’s a second class citizen and she’ll meet the baby in the new year and she’s so angry we wouldn’t want here there anyway.

His dad is in the lobby and relays the same message but says he’s not on board with it but had to support his wife. He also refuses to come up and meet the baby. They told my husband to lie to me and tell me she was ill. My husband was…devastated. He sobbed. He couldn’t lie to me. It was horrible.

The stress this caused on us during a very intense time was unbelievable. All over a two hour difference. They also started complaining about not being allowed in labor and delivery even though they had never expressed a desire to be a part of that and we had never promised it.

In fact that had expressed the opposite saying they understood I would want my parents. They told my husband we were lying about the visitor limit. This is a very popular and fancy hospital where you can Google the rules. His mom had to have multiple emergency therapy appointments to figure out how to deal with the situation.

They did meet the baby about a week later and it was awkward but I guess ok. No outward fighting. My husband wanted to cut them out but I encouraged him to maintain the relationship and try to move past this. He and his mom still need to have a larger conversation. I'm a mess over all of it. I don’t understand this reaction at all. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Successful-Coffee885 said:

Oh heavens, how could you be in the wrong here? please don’t spend another moment on this. Your MIL needs to grow up, fast. Your parents sound like heroes — only you even more, way, way more. A brave hero. Congrats on your baby, and I’m so glad you made it through the cancer and the IVF to get here. Now, go get some rest. NTA.

_ThunderJones_ said:

NTA. Childbirth is not a spectator sport. Your in-laws are whack.

Novel-Patient2465 said:

If you want your husband to manage his family and he wants to cut her out, let him. It's not worth it during this freshly postpartum time.

MyRedditUserName428 said:

You are NTA. Their behavior is disgustingly selfish and honestly, unforgivable, in my opinion. I would be taking a lot of time and space from these people. Does your husband co-own the business legally? Can they affect your finances if they choose to?

Free-Place-3930 said:

NTA. You should have let him make the choice to cut them out.

JohnExcrement said:

Your MIL needed multiple emergency therapy sessions to deal with this? Give me a break. She is going to make your life a living hell. My condolences. NTA. God.