Brother refuses to let 19yo sister go on camping trip with 40yo male 'friend.' AITA? UPDATED 2X
"AITA for banning my younger sister from camping?"
My younger sister (F19) has come to live with me (M25) during her summer vacation from college. As our parents live overseas, I've sort of been tasked with looking out for her. I try not to be overly protective and aim to be a "cool" older brother rather than a helicopter parent. After all, she is an adult.
My sister told our parents that she planned on hanging out with her friends for a few days and that they would not leave our city. Our parents thought it would be perfectly fine and agreed to it.
The problem started when my sister told me that she actually planned to go camping with some of her friends (F19, F20, and F20). I was cool with it and asked her to keep her cellphone on her so that she could call me if she needed to.
She said that she and her friends planned on leaving behind all technology as they wanted the fullest experience. I thought this was a bad idea and strongly recommended that at least one of them keep a phone, to which my sister responded, "They'd think about it."
The day before the planned trip, my sister said that they'd be joined by several more people, some of whom she described as a little sketchy. I told her that was a really bad idea and that she and her friends should consider uninviting anyone they thought was sketchy. I also insisted that she take her phone.
My sister flat out refused all this and said I was being too controlling. I got annoyed and said that if she wasn't willing to compromise, then she wasn't going on that trip. She started yelling at me and called our parents, telling them that I was preventing her from seeing her friends.
I told them how she planned on going camping with sketchy people, and my parents also refused to let her go. After the call ended, my sister started yelling at me again and said I was annihilating her social life. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA: You were just looking out for your Sister, which is totally understandable and reasonable. So what if they uninvite "Some" sketchy people? There are still a dozen more probably, of whom which you probably have no clue about, and likely some males as well, as it was being said as "Sketchy people".
Also, your sister even though being an adult, is living with you, and its your rules under your roof, unless she could afford to life off alone. Lying to your parents is never a good idea... Your sister can of course do whatever she wants, but if I was in your shoes and would be able to prevent her from such a stupid decision, by all means, anybody with common sense would.
NTA.
What she does is extremely risky even as a adult.
NTA. Her safety is more important than her feelings and everything about this absolutely screams danger.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
My sis and her friends were supposed to head out last night (however sis never went). This morning, my sis told me that 2 of her friends who planned on going canceled as well.
This was because some guy in his 40s who they never met before somehow inserted himself into group of people going. Apparently, he was invited by someone. This man wanted to the leader of the group and planned on going somewhere more remote than was initially agreed upon.
He then told my sis's friends that he would hold on to everyone's cell phone so that they could all get the most out of the trip and technology would't interfere. My sis agrees that was "a little" creepy, but still says I'm an ass for "snitching to mom and dad" (even though she was the one who called in the first place)
Edit - For those wondering, we are from a socio-cultural group where kids (regardless of age) are kinda expected to listen to their parents. To their credit, our parents have never really enforced this and have allowed us to live without too many restrictions, so long as we don't harm other people or ourselves they would't interfere too much.
My sister is still dependent financially on our parents (and myself to an extent), however I never once used this to leverage my argument. Regardless of whatever bad decision she may make or fight she may have with our parents, my door is always open to her. As of now, I sort of hiding in my room as my sister is still furious with me. I'll try talking to her once she cools down.
Later the same day, the OP returned with another update.
I spoke with my sis and she apologized, she fully agreed that the whole thing became too sketchy. She told me that had she went, she too would have canceled like her two friends when she heard what Creepo had to say.
I asked my sis about the friend that agreed to go, and she too canceled after Creepo insisted that she and her BF give him their phones. Creepo then kicked them out of his car and they ended up Ubering back to town.
She told me that she's afraid as Creepo has been calling some of her friends and she's scared he'll call her. I told her to give me her phone if he calls and that I'll speak with him. I do work in a police department (not a cop though) so I'm sure he'll piss the hell off once I speak with him.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Random middle aged man insisting on taking a group of teenagers to a spot in the woods only he knows and confiscating all their phones is straight up the opening of a criminal minds episode. Like I can’t pretend I wasn’t an idiot at 19 but come on.
His sister must be sheltered as hell. There were so many red flags.
Even taking the sketchy people out of the situation, you wouldn't catch me out in the middle of nowhere without a phone to call for help. "Fullest experience" be damned.
A cell phone is the second most important piece of camping safety equipment, after your brain. Anyone who tries to separate you from that lifeline is either irretrievably stupid or up to no good.
I wish OP had made an update after the trip. I'd love to know how many people went, and how many came back.