'AITA for being annoyed about bringing paperwork to my husband's new job while I was home sick?'
"AITA for being mad/annoyed about bringing paperwork to my husband's new job while I was home sick?"
My husband recently started a new job yesterday. He was supposed to bring his SSN card so they could finish the hiring paperwork. He forgot it again today. Instead of telling them he forgot again, he told them I could bring it without even asking me. I stayed home today because I was sick and I felt terrible in bed.
After we argued back and forth via text, I finally said ok, and I brought him the card. It's about 15 mins to get to his job so it's not that far but I just really wasn't feeling well or up to leaving the house. I had to stop and get gas so that took a little more time. When I arrived at his job, he came out to get it and thanked me and suggested I pick up some soup from somewhere before going home.
Later on, he called me on his break saying he didn't appreciate how selfish I was being earlier about such a small favor. I told him I thought he was selfish because he could have just told them the truth and brought it tomorrow. It's not like they would have fired him for that. Also, what would he have done if I wasn't home and I went to work today?
He would have had to either leave and get it himself today or bring it tomorrow. He got angrier and started yelling at me on the phone saying I had a selfish attitude and that we're supposed to be a team and that I should never give him crap over something like this again especially because it was such a small favor for something as important as his job.
I told him if the roles were reversed, and he was sick in bed at home, I wouldn't have even offered him as a solution or asked him to bring it at all. It sounds like he cares more about his new job and making a bad impression in front of strangers than cares about his own wife.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
julesk wrote:
NTA, I’d tell him you were home sick in bed and should have refused. Since he shouldn’t have asked and somehow thinks that’s your problem instead of him coming home to get it, you won’t do that again as it made you more sick. As a team member he should have been helping you when you were sick, not the other way around.
readergirl35 wrote:
You both sound exhausting! You can't be arsed to help him and he is flinging a fit because you weren't more gracious when you finally did help him. Here's how that works in a mature relationship. Husband texts say he forgot his card and asks if you are up to bringing it in for him. He says don't worry if you aren't feeling well enough to do it.
You respond that you feel like crud but it's only 15 min so yes you will bring it. When you arrive he thanks you and tells you he will bring home some soup when he comes home and you say thanks and then go home and rest. Instead the two of you are sniping at each other and resenting one another. Over something as freaking simple as a 15 minute drive.
Bookish4269 wrote:
NTA. your husband is the AH. A very selfish and inconsiderate AH. Instead of getting angry, he should have acknowledged he screwed up, apologized, and thanked you for helping him out when you really should’ve been resting at home.
My advice is, the next time you are home sick, ignore any messages or calls from him. When he complains, just say “I was home today because I’m sick. After you left for work I took some medicine, fell asleep, and slept most of the day, so of course I didn’t get your message.“
Jae0516 wrote:
You're TAH for not hanging up in his face cause who TF are you talking to and yelling at? You're a grown ass man that kept forgetting things YOU need for YOUR job, and that's YOUR problem. Can't stand people that do shit like this. Poor planning on your part does not constitute and emergency on my part, SIR!!!!!
ky-05 wrote:
NTA. He was completely inconsiderate of how you were feeling and didn’t make sure he had everything in check for his paperwork. That’s on him not you. He’s an adult and should be able to act accordingly. You have every right to be upset and I would advise having a conversation with him about his behavior towards you, his wife who was SICK.
Erinayalani wrote:
NTA but he'd be less of one if he hadn't had his "we're a team that serves me" melt down 🙄 the volun-told act was already pushing it. My husband would have asked and I would have done it, but the key here is asking not telling. Partner not extension of self to do whatever is wanted. Being sick, he could have brought you soup and grabbed his card himself ffs.
MelonElbows wrote:
Girl, please. Have some self-respect for yourself. This man yells at you, volunteers your time without asking you, ignores your sickness, and calls you selfish for doing HIM a favor? If this doesn't open your eyes, I don't know what will.
Flat-Replacement4828 wrote:
NTA. I would be LOSING IT. I would have texted him to come home and pick it up himself then put my phone on silent. Absolutely ridiculous. He owes you a MASSIVE, DEMONSTRATIVE apology.