'AITA for being bitter that my sister used all of our college money to avoid student loans? She left me with nothing.'
"AITA for being bitter that my sister used all of our college money to avoid student loans, leaving me with nothing?"
I just need to get this off my chest. I (18F) have a sister (26F), let’s call herJen. Both of us were supposed to benefit from our dad’s GI Bill. He served in the military, and it provided enough money to help both of us go to college without taking on huge loans, assuming we also got scholarships. That was the plan.
Jen went to a state college. The understanding was that she'd use some of the GI Bill for her first two years and then cover the rest herself. But things didn’t go as planned.
She failed some classes, had to take summer courses, and ended up needing an extra year to graduate. Because of that, she didn’t just use more than her “half” of the GI Bill, she used all of it. Every last dollar. Now Jen is 26, totally debt free, and working full time. The idea was that since she used the GI Bill entirely, she’d help financially when it was my turn.
That didn’t happen. When I got into my dream school, a private out of state college, I had almost had to decline. My parents couldn’t afford it, and there was nothing left from the GI Bill. I felt trapped in a corner, so did a last resort, I applied for an Army scholarship that covers three years of tuition in exchange for service after graduation. I got it, and I’m now in ROTC.
On top of all that, I’m relying on five other scholarships to make things work. ROTC isn’t terrible and I’m grateful for the opportunity, but I can’t help feeling bitter. I’m committing years of my life to the military partly because my sister used everything that was supposed to be shared.
She got her education completely covered and is now living her life debt free, while I had to restructure my entire future just to afford school. I haven’t brought this up directly with her or our parents. I don’t want to sound ungrateful or start drama, but part of me is angry that nobody said “hey, this isn’t fair.” Or even tried to stop her and make her take out loans to cover her mistakes; my parents just let it happen.
(lmk if clarification is needed)
So…AITA for feeling bitter about how things turned out?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
whybother_incertname wrote:
INFO: Did you ask the VA if your dad’s GI bill could even be split between the 2 of you in the first place?? I have 2 kids (12th grade & 20yo) with my ex husband. While he was still active duty, we discussed his GI Bill requirements & limitations regarding the kids.
The VA said he needed to sign his GI bill over to only 1 kid in order for them to use it. Both kids however qualify for Chapter 35 benefits (36mths) & tuition fee waivers (2yrs) NTA for feeling as you do but I don’t believe you could have shared the bill in the first place, which shame on your parents for not confirming it.
OP responded:
GI bill eligibility can be transferred to multiple ppl as long as they are dependents and the service member is active duty when assigned (as far as I have found), when I was abt 10 and my sister was going off to college she had the og 1/2 of the months of eligibility, IDK the exact mouth of months of eligibility off the top of my head sorry.
When going through the paper work I found that someone had gone in and reallocated months through the VA. I did a bunch of research when I first found out to try to find a loop hole but cause Jen used the mths I didn’t qualify for ch 35, glad your kids get the free tuition tho!
doublecheckthat wrote:
NTA, and never for how you feel. For your own sake, though, consider if you are happier nurturing the bitterness or taking the time to grieve the broken expectations and focus on the things you can control.
And part of the grieving may involve sitting down, starting with what you posted, and writing up the specifics of where you got the idea that you'd have financial support, from the GI Bill and then from your sister, and ask them to consider your view point.
But just considering things isn't going to change your circumstances, so when you do that write up, try to point out what you actually need from them to help you get past the feeling of being dismissed and forced to struggle for what your sister was given.
crypticsparro wrote:
NTA. Your feelings are valid this wasn’t just about money, but broken trust in a shared opportunity. Jen’s choices forced you into a harder path, and it’s okay to grieve the future you expected. Consider calmly discussing it with your family; they may not realize how deeply this impacted you. Your resilience is admirable. 💙
Maybaby31 wrote:
You're NTA for how you feel or distancing yourself from your sister while you’re still feeling resentment towards her. But from my perspective your parents are also at fault here, because they allowed her to use all the college funds not just her half. If the original plan was for y’all to split the money why didn’t they put it in two separate accounts?
Why didn’t they hold her responsible for helping you with funding since she stole your funds? Personally I’d be taking some real big steps back from all of them, because you are completely right they allowed her a debt free ride but you needed to cover yourself and now you had to trade years in the military for your education to be covered. You're NTA but all of them are.
MiraLush_ wrote:
Your sister f#$ked up her timeline, failed classes, and burned through both your shares of the GI Bill without consequences—while you’re now trading years of your life to the military just to afford school? of course you’re bitter!
She got a free ride while you’re stuck with ROTC and five scholarships. Your parents should’ve stepped in to make it fair, but they let her take everything. You have every right to feel cheated. Maybe don’t explode at her, but you’re absolutely justified in quietly resenting this mess. NTA, dude.