"AITA for being frustrated with my wife about entitlement?"
This is going to be a longish one, but I need to get your opinion on this situation. Recently, my family. (My mom and Dad, my sister and her boyfriend, my wife our child and myself) went on a family vacation that we all planned and split the cost of the house we found evenly amongst the three different households.(I am the one that paid for my families portion of the trip.)
My wife did not make any comments to me about how she felt prior to the vacation nor for about a month after the vacation. Well, yesterday she randomly came up to me and told me that she was talking to other people and that she thought that it was weird we split the cost evenly and she felt as though my parents should’ve paid for everyone else to go.
She then stated that she wouldn’t have gone to her family vacations if they weren’t paid for which I thought was a little weird. I then explained to her that I felt as though since we had a mortgage and a child that it is only fair for us to put in our part and I wasn’t going to expect my parents to pay for a vacation that we all planned…
For context, my parents are well off, but they are not rich. They have paid for two houses on our vacations twice before this and never asked for any compensation. But after this past trip, my mom stated that they couldn’t afford to pay so much and that it would be really helpful if we could all put in which my sister and I happily agreed to do to keep our family vacations going.(my wife knew this).
However, my wife grew up with yearly beach trips with her family that were fully paid for by her grandfather so I’m not sure if that’s why she feels this way enough to ask other people.
Oh I’m not sure if this helps context but I am a Black female and my wife is a White Female. So it could also be the way that we were raised or maybe a cultural thing as well. I am just not sure so that’s why I decided to post here to see if I’m crazy or if I normalized something that others haven’t.
Soooooo… sorry for the long post but my question is am I the a-hole for feeling as though this is an entitled way to think or is this normal in other households?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Competitive_Ninja668 said:
Your wife is an adult. If she wants to go on vacation she should pay for it herself. She’s not 12 years old.
Novel_Fox said:
As someone who grew up in poverty you're NTA. I dunno man that's some serious out of touch entitlement if she can't wrap her head around the fact that her grandfather's finances are not everyone else's to the point she's asking other people for their input...
On someone's else's ability to pay for her. That's whack. She was one of the privileged few and she would do well to remember that. I come from a family that was lucky if we had three meals that day. Vacation? What's that? We didn't have those.
Jesufication said:
NTA, that’s spoiled kid behavior for an adult, for sure.
LucidOutwork said:
That's pretty damn entitled for your wife to think that your parents should have to pay for her vacation. If your parents can afford it, then paying would be a nice gesture. But it shouldn't be a given.
lovewholly said:
NTA. She does sound extremely entitled. I have enjoyed outings with family in which my parents covered the cost, and I have enjoyed family outings in which costs were split. Your Mum made it known your parents were not capable of covering the full cost.
How sad that she wouldn’t have taken part in her own family gatherings had she been expected to pay for her share of accommodations. Honestly, I think it’s bizarre that she’s sharing details of the cost breakdown to friends months after the vacation, especially before mentioning her concerns to you.
Kitchen_Chemistry405 said:
NTA - having this attitude towards someone else's money is wild to me! If your parents specifically asked for financial help funding the vacation, I think that is a reasonable request.
They seem like good people so of course chipping in is the right thing to do. Your wife however seems to be quite entitled, likely because of her upbringing. In my opinion, she has no right to feel that way about someone else's family/situation.