'AITA for being furious that my BF used a keepsake of mine for his art without permission?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for being furious that my BF used a keepsake of mine for his art without permission?"

I've had this shark tooth ever since I was maybe 11, I found it on a beach on vacation. At the time it was just cool, because what are the chances to just walk on a random beach and find a shark tooth?

In time it became an important emotional keepsake for me that reminded me of all the 'good' parts of my childhood. Honestly most of it wasn't very good, so, extra important. I just really like this stupid tooth and whenever I was upset I would just rub it in my hands and feel comforted.

My BF saw it in my room early on and I told him this story and he was like hey cool. To be fair at that point I didn't go in detail, just said it's important to me. Some years went by. We don't live together yet but most of the time he comes to my place because it's larger. One day a few months back I was looking for my shark tooth and it wasn't in the two or three places it has been in.

No biggie – I am honestly pretty messy and often 'lose' stuff somewhere only to find it in my sock drawer a week later or something. I kept searching, confident it would resurface because it has never left my flat. After two weeks or so I began to worry, took my vacuum cleaner apart and started panicking about maybe having dropped it in the trash SOMEHOW and that it may be gone for good.

Eventually, my BF is over and notices that one of my drawers was kinda messy, because I had gone through it and searched every nook. I tell him I can't find the tooth and he was like ooh...that's a shame I'm sure you'll find it. I didn't notice any weird vibes so I guess he's got a good pokerface.

One more week...he says (over text) ok I need to tell you something, don't be mad... and sends me a picture of some art project and it has MY SHARK TOOTH IN IT. Apparently he had to do a sculpture type thing for university and it's like a viking ship that is made half out of seashells, driftwood etc with my tooth as the 'centerpiece.'

And he tells me he saw the tooth in my flat when he was over and I was in the shower, so he put it in his pocket to 'ask me later' then forgot about it and when he re-discovered it at home he supposedly thought it was part of some other materials he had gotten elsewhere and just went ahead and used it. He claims he didn't remember until it was too late.

So I tell him he's gonna give it back to me ASAP and he goes umm well it might take a few months because it's in an exhibition and also he used superglue so he doesn't know if he can get it off. I was just DONE with the conversation and stared at the wall for like 30 minutes. After I had calmed down a bit I now genuinely am not sure if I am overreacting or not.

Like yeah it's 'just' a tooth but he didn't ask me?? I can believe him that he doesn't remember our short conversation a few years ago about it. But who just takes something from someone's bedroom and slaps it on their artwork without saying anything? I feel like if I see him in person I'd have to struggle to not flip out. AITA for reacting so strongly?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

[deleted] wrote:

Honey he’s still lying to you. He definitely lied about just forgetting to ask you. You were in the shower, not on the moon you telling me you have the kind of relationship where he can’t yell something to you in the shower or wait to ask until you get out? He purposefully waited for you to not be in the room to take the tooth

-There is no way he didn’t make the connection between the tooth you were searching hectically for and the one he took. It’s not like it’s an iPhone that everyone has or a sweatshirt— it's a shark tooth he is using as the centerpiece of his project. You honestly believe that Bs about forgetting where he found it? He then just lied to you all over again and let you believe YOU lost it

-He waits a week A WEEK! C’mon! You think he wouldn’t connect the centerpiece of his exhibit entered art piece with the object he swiped while his girlfriend was in the shower?

Unless he literally got a traumatic brain injury in the last week there is no f#$king way he’d forget. I remember where I sourced EVERYTHING for my art projects when they were made of trash, you think he would honestly forget FINDING A SHARK TOOTH!

That means he even debated telling you the truth for a week. Remember that, it took him a week to decide you deserved to know the truth and that you weren’t responsible for losing your prized object.

Girl throw the whole boyfriend out. If he expects you to believe this bullshit just imagine the stories he will try to sell you in the future. No man who has any respect for a woman’s intelligence would attempt to sell her this s#$t. I am telling you for all the women 10+ years into this dating game who have fallen for s#$t like this— if it acts like douche and quacks like a douche, it’s a douche. NTA

OP responded:

He claims he only remembered this some time after I told him that the tooth is missing. I definitely don't believe his story I was just unsure if I maybe believe parts of it or nothing. He is forgetful so I thought it could be possible.

Picaboo wrote:

OP it is a shark tooth and it is the center piece of this piece so it is probably the ONLY shark tooth either at all or of its size. He lied to you and he stole from you. Why would he ever take anything from your home without asking to begin with? Forgetful about the story....maybe.

Forgetful that he took it from your place, used it in his piece and didn't tell you until you were going crazy looking for it and he may get caught? Hard NOPE.

OP responded:

You right. At this point, I honestly wonder why he told me at all since I didn't even know he was doing that sculpture. He could have kept quiet and I would have 100% blamed my own messy a##.

unicorn_345 wrote:

An aside from it all. Incidents like this make me wonder if men ever “forget” like they claim to or if they just take what they want and justify it away to their SOs later down the road of “oh honey, I didn’t realize you bought that food for dinner this week."

"I made some snacks and well there’s nothing left.” “Oh dear, I didn’t realize your stuff meant anything to you and used it for this project or put it out of the way (god only knows where, maybe the trash) because I needed the space.”

Vexatious_One wrote:

NTA. I hate to say it but I doubt he is being honest right now...maybe he is...but the whole thing is just odd, and a bit filled with holes. The tooth is the centerpiece and he forgot where he got it? Really? But the real sh#$ty thing is, the fact he is telling you "Ill give it back in a few months because my art is more important then your keepsake". <- That is the part I would be more pissed or dumbstruck about.

You have dated for years? YEARS? and one, you never saw his art work? He never showed you his art work? Did he do it in secret? What do you guys talk about? I would think him making a piece of art that is on "exhibition" would at some point in a relationship be mentioned prior to this event happening...is there even a event? Even a exhibition? The whole thing just sounds really disappointing.

He might not be able to change that he took it...but he sure as hell could make up for it by giving it back now. Something he just told you he would not do. That sucks. On the note of sharks teeth though, some good news, and not to discount your tooth, but they are fairly common to find on a beach :-) I grew up on the ocean and beach and have probably found thousands of sharks teeth.

In fact I take my kids, and nieces and nephews when we vacation all for morning and evening walks along the beach to "hunt" for seaglass and sharks teeth(and the occasional rare intact sand dollar!) 99% of it is the kids asking me; "is this a tooth? is this seaglass? what is this?" but you get the point.

Every tooth is unique though :-) So if by some chance you do not find your tooth, you may not be able to replace it per say, but you can go search for a new one or when the time is right, find that new keepsake with someone or some event that gives it a new special meaning to you. Good luck OP.

The next day, OP shared a small update.

I will use this for a small update. I wrote an email to the university. Sadly the answer was not encouraging as they asked me for proof that I bought the tooth even though I wrote in there that I found it. So that's dumb. I will try to find out who is responsible for the arts department though and keep trying.

Iforgotmypassword responded:

Can’t you screen shot your text messages where he says he took it and you can have it back? That’s proof that it doesn’t belong to him.

OP responded:

We sadly never directly refer to the tooth in the messages but it might work.

teatimecats responded:

But he admits he took something from you in those messages, right? Message him back again stating you can’t believe he took your shark tooth and ask him who you need to contact about seeing the exhibit so you can make sure it’s intact at least. Just lead him to fessing up verbatim.f

Then five days later, OP shared a larger update.

So long story short, I have my tooth back (BF threw it in my mailbox in an envelope, without a card or anything, so idk if I'm supposed to take that as an apology or if he's pissed). Tooth seems unharmed.

Haven't talked to BF ever since this happened and don't know what will happen with us. But, I have the tooth back, and am actually now planning to get a tattoo of it so if it ever DOES get lost I will still have it with me. Thanks for everyone assuring me I was not TA.

The internet had mixed feelings about the update.

SugarCanKissMyA-s wrote:

Jesus I'm so sad for OP that she "doesn't know what will happen" with her boyfriend. I am begging her to stand up and learn some self worth.

Responsible-Life-585 wrote:

This guy is a liar, a thief, and a brat. How could OP not know what is going to happen with "us" after all that? How is there even an "us" to refer to?!

almostinfinity wrote:

Hope they broke up, imagine stealing someone else's sentimental items for your own selfish art pieces.

SmartQuokka wrote:

I'd hate to be the university, they would need evidence of ownership yet OP was not lying to them. I am curious what happened between then and the return, did the university get proof and tell him to shove it, did they question him about it and he thought his goose was cooked, did he angrily take it back himself and remove the tooth? I hope it's the same tooth.