'AITA for being furious that my husband gave away my sake and wine after I told him not to?'

"AITA for being furious that my husband gave away my sake and wine after I told him repeatedly not to?"

I (30F) came back from Japan about two months ago and brought home an expensive bottle of sake I specifically picked after doing a sake tasting class. I'm not a big drinker, so I chose something I genuinely liked and that my husband would enjoy. It was meant as a "for us" thing. I also had an unopened bottle of German wine that a friend gifted me three months ago.

My husband and I had multiple conversations where he asked if he could give the sake to his father, his cousin, or his friends, and I said a strict no every single time. Not vaguely, not jokingly, very clearly. He knew it was sentimental and partially a souvenir. He also refused to drink it the one time I opened it because he had a headache, so I had about 20 ml and left the rest untouched.

Fast forward to three days ago: I'm away from home, and he has friends over after a pub night. I didn't even consider that he would touch the sake or the wine because we've had the "don't share this" conversation a million times.

The next day, I ask him where the sake is. He casually tells me he shared the sake and the unopened wine with his friends, and they finished everything.

I was stunned. Angry. Disappointed. All of it. He then says he "forgot" that I told him not to give it to anyone. Then adds that he "doesn't remember unimportant stuff." Bear in mind, I had even given him a bottle of whisky specifically meant for his friends after I returned from my travel.

When I confronted him about the sake and wine, he flipped it and said "Don't let it spoil our relationship" and suggested I see a counselor. AITA for being this upset over something he claims is "not a big deal," even though I'd told him explicitly and repeatedly not to touch it? I'm unable to process the fact that my husband casually crossed a major boundary and is nonchalant about it.

Edit: Husband and his friends are not alcoholics. He rarely indulges.
Second edit: He said, "Don't let it spoil our relationship,", not "throwing away the relationship..." Sincere apologies.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

CinderR3bel wrote:

NTA. Why did he not want you to have these bottles? He tried so hard to give them away and ended up literally wasting them and not leaving you any. To me, this seems controlling and unnecessarily mean. He knew they would not be easily replaceable and did not care.

Plus, now he is turning it around and manipulating the conversation to make you the bad guy (saying you care more about alcohol than him when that is obviously not the issue). I would look around to see if you see more signs of this and act accordingly. Don't let yourself be manipulated into letting this go. He just stomped all over your boundaries and is trying to get away with it.

Odd_Tea4595 wrote

More than having the wine and sake, the issue here is about RESPECT. I just can't believe your husband asked you if he could give the sake to his father, brothers, friends, every time you said NO, and he ends up drinking it with his friends, claiming he "doesn't remember unimportant stuff."

So, respecting your wishes it's unimportant?

You sure have a husband problem and if you want to save the marriage, you both have to attend counseling.

VeritasB wrote:

Your husband did that on purpose to show you he was in control. If you really think about it, are there other instances when he has done something similar? You are not spoiling the relationship, he made that decision when he decided to take something that wasn't his. NTA.

helenaflowers wrote:

"He then says he "forgot" that I told him not to give it to anyone. Then adds that he "doesn't remember unimportant stuff.'"

This right here is all you need to know. He is telling you that he finds your wants, needs and requests unimportant so he doesn't even bother trying to remember them.

(Except he totally DID remember, he just doesn't care one bit about what you want and somehow thinks telling you he forgot is better for him.)

It's more important for him to impress his friends and give them what they want rather than for him to honor the simplest of requests you made to him. Honestly, with how spiteful he's coming across in this post, it wouldn't even surprise me if he either encouraged his friends to drink every last drop of that wine and sake and/or even poured the rest of it down the sink.

He wanted you to come home to empty bottles, of that I am certain. I really need to you think carefully about your relationship up to this point, because I would be willing to bet that there are many other instances of him doing stuff expressly against your wishes that you've probably waved away as "no big deal", "that's just how he is," etc.

Is this really what you want for the rest of your life? Is this the sort of man you want to raise children with?

Edit: I was so steamed on your behalf that I forgot my judgment. Absolutely, positively NTA.

potentialrestart wrote:

NTA and not even in the mild sense. This isn’t about alcohol, this is about your husband deciding that anything you care about automatically drops to the bottom of the priority list if it inconveniences his vibe for five seconds.

You fidn’t say “hey please don’t touch that” one time in passing. You told him repeatedly. “I don’t remember unimportant stuff” that’s the kind of thing people say when they absolutely do remember, they just don’t care.

Casual_lore wrote:

NTA.

Are you kidding me? Not a big deal? He knew exactly what he was doing, and he did it anyway because he didn't give a crap about anyone but himself. What an AH.

"Then adds that he 'doesn't remember unimportant stuff.'

Oh, so your expressly stated desires are unimportant. Cool.