'AITA for being an overachiever in my pregnancy?' 'I just had to make her look like a lazy cow.'
"AITA for being an overachiever in my pregnancy?"
I'm 26 and I have a friend who is 26 as well. We met as part of a larger friend group and have gotten closer since we're both pregnant at the same time I'm 28 weeks and she's 23 weeks. We're still friends with the other girls and see them regularly but we see each other weekly, go shopping, go out to eat etc.
The last month or so, she's been canceling plans a lot because she's not feeling well which is understandable. Her husband is deployed and she just has her sister near her but her sister has a family. I told her each time to text me if she needs anything that I'm only a call away. I also made her a Lasagna which she's been craving a lot and had my husband drop it off.
She came over yesterday when I was making cookies and cupcakes for my nephews. We were hanging out when she asked me what I did in the times our plans were canceled so I started telling her that I caught up with an old friend who was in town, visited family, signed up for prenatal yoga and I finished the last of our nursery shopping and started putting it together with my husband.
She seemed to slump so I asked her what was wrong and she said that she wishes she could do her nursery with her husband. I gave her a side hug and told her I'm sorry that he's not here, then to cheer her up I asked her if she wanted our friends and I to come over and help her?
It wouldn't be the same but at least that way she'll have her girls with her. She stiffened and I let her go to give her space and started icing the cookies and cupcakes. I asked her if she wanted some but she shook her head and just kept staring at me before she asked quietly why did I have to be this way?
I asked her what she meant and she just gestured in my direction and said "like this, why do you always have to make me feel shitty about myself?" I was shocked and asked her what I did and she said that I was always an overachiever but that she didn't think I'd try so hard in my pregnancy too.
She started listing what I've been doing which is baking/cooking food all the time, staying fit and going for walks and stuff, keeping my house spotless, still having an active intimate life and a social life. I asked her if she wanted me to be miserable instead? And reminded her that I did those stuff even before getting pregnant, It's not like I was or am doing anything extraordinary, just regular life stuff.
She shook her head and said that I just had to make her look like a lazy cow in comparison. I was gaping by this point and what could I say? She was accusing me of something I apparently did by being myself so I just asked her to please leave and she did.
I thought about sending her a text to make sure she's okay but what would I even say? I asked advice from another third party friend who doesn't know her and she said that I should distance myself because she doesn't sound like a friend. I'm stuck in the middle because maybe my actions did make her feel bad? but on the other hand why would they make her feel bad?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Curious_Special_521 said:
NAH. You make cookies, you have energy, you seem bouncy and bubbly. I'm jealous and I don't even know you nor am I currently pregnant. Your friend may be struggling to keep going everyday, and seeing you seemingly bounce through life flawlessly (even if this isn't the case) may be hard for her. Is she projecting her feeling yes. Is it unhealthy yes. Is your friend okay deep down? Absolutely not.
ManaKitten said:
NAH. I personally had the worst pregnancies. Felt gross and was sick the whole time. And I was so mad when women would talk about how much they enjoyed being pregnant. It’s a combo of the hormones and feeling like crap. That being said, I was only in labor for 25 minutes with my first, 15 minutes for the 2nd. So I have the worst pregnancies and best deliveries. Everyone is different.
You are probably not the best person to be supporting her right now. Pick the mother hen in your friend group (other than you, lol) and send them in. Join in for group activities, but let someone else take the reins for a bit. She needs both help and space right now.
InValuAbled said:
NTA. Your friend seems to be down for whatever reason. She needs to establish contact with a professional to help her cope before and after childbirth. She's pregnant and alone, seems depressed, which really doesn't bode well for a postpartum period. Get together with your friends and get her help.
LavishnessGeneral said:
NTA It sounds like she needs help. From someone else, though. It sounds like you make her feel insecure about herself.
Spare-Article-396 said:
IDK, I sense a bit of Momlympics in the tone of your post. It’s great that you are so active, but I do believe you’re getting some satisfaction out of the comparison. Instead of replying ‘so You’d rather me be…’, you could have been more considerate and uplifting - and said something about each pregnancy being different, and she’s doing a great job, etc. YTA.
Asobimo said:
NTA because she has been jelous of your even before you guys got pregnant. Being pregnant just made her more honest when she couldn't keep it to herself anymore, because of hormones.