"AITA for being 'rude' to a guest I didn't even invite?"
I (28F) live with my grandma. She doesn’t live with me because of any health issues. We genuinely prefer living together rather than being separated. I really enjoy living with her. She’s kind never crosses boundaries and we are really close.
We laugh and joke around a lot. She braids my hair while I gossip about boys or my day at work and she sometimes cooks my favorite meals when I'm feeling upset. Our living situation was peaceful and enjoyable.
This started at my cousin’s wedding. My sister, my grandma, and I were invited. It was a very traditional wedding and honestly kinda cute. But the after party was a hot mess. Everyone was dancing it was loud and I was already exhausted from the wedding.
There was a weird tradition where the bride's family dances while everyone claps then the groom’s family does the same. Since I’m family of the groom, I was asked to dance.
I didn’t want to. I was tired and my dress was really tight but my grandma convinced me to. So I did. I don’t think I did that bad, but after it was over and I sat back down an older woman I didn’t even know turned her head looked me up and down, and said “You don’t dance that often, do you?"
It was really rude and judgmental. I laughed it off to avoid starting drama then I told my sister and she told me to ignore it and I did. What I didn’t expect was that after the wedding my grandma invited this same woman to come home with us.
At first I assumed it was just a ride or that she'd stay for the night and leave. When we got home I excused myself and went straight to sleep while she talked to my grandma. The next morning she was still there. I left for work.
When I came back she was still there. I finally pulled my grandma aside and asked what was going on. She told me this woman was a “guest” and would be staying for a couple of days.
I was upset because I was never asked or even informed beforehand. This is my house, and I feel like I deserve a say in who stays here. It has now been 8 long days and she is still here.
She constantly inserts herself into my personal life and gives unsolicited opinions. If I complain about cramps she tells me maybe I should work out more. If Im crying to my grandma about something stressful that happened at work she jumps in and tells me to suck it up and stop crying because Im an adult.
I NEVER ask her for advice or opinions. She just butts in and says whatever she wants to be clear: I have not been rude to her. I don’t argue with her. I don’t snap. I’ve only vented privately to my grandma, sister and boyfriend about how uncomfortable and frustrated I feel.
Instead of understanding they tell me I’m being an AH and that Im "rude" which feels insane to me because all Ive done is express how bothered I am by someone overstaying in my home and disrespecting me repeatedly.
Also I am not from US, so some things may sound weird to you if you are from there. And English is my second language so do correct me if I said something wrong.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. Your grandmother has been inconsiderate inviting her friend to stay for an unspecified amount of time without consulting you. Your grandmother has crossed a boundary due to her enthusiasm for having a friend closer to her own age around for a while. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and hope your granndoesn’t try to make this lady a long time resident.
NTA. Hey OP I think you need to have a conversation with Grandma about inviting people over, for whatever length of time, without a discussion or clearing it with you. In my opinion it doesn't matter who owns the house it's absolutely not okay to invite someone to stay indefinitely without being in agreement with the person you are living with.
With regards to your guest, please tell her you're not looking for feedback from her on any part of your life - and if that's rude to your family you should point out it's pretty rude to invite someone over to stay without the consent of everyone living in the house. You need to also ask your grandmother when her guest will be leaving and if you don't get any clear answers you can ask the guest.
This is a horror movie wtf lol has this lady hypnotized your grandma into letting her move in with you or something wtf.
NTA You have obvious problems. One problem is you start off by saying how great things are between you and your grandma, but then she invites someone to live there without even telling you. She does not respect you. She pressures you into doing things you don't want to do, like dance at the wedding.
Who does that home belong to you, you or her or do you both own a share? I'm in the US and I can tell you that over here the person who owns the home or pays the rent controls things. If it's your place then kick that woman out. If it's not your place then you just have to accept it.
Sounds like grandma has a girlfriend.
NTA. Also, be careful. What are the tenants rights where you live? I know that in a lot of places in the states, the person who stays for more than a certain length of time is legally a tenant and must be evicted by the courts rather than just being asked to leave.
Sounds to me, and this is just an observation from what you wrote, your grandmother might not be happy living with you. She expressed this to her friend and her friend is around to stick up for her. The "guest" might be telling you what your grandma really wants to but is not comfortable saying. Maybe have a good talk with grandma.
NTA, but is also your gm's home. She is entitled to have guests, as are you. But, ut should be discussed beforehand, with time specifications. A casual visitor does not necessarily have to follow the same rules. But overnight guests should always be agreed upon.