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'AITA for being the "buzzkill" at my BF's birthday party?' UPDATED 2X

'AITA for being the "buzzkill" at my BF's birthday party?' UPDATED 2X


"AITA for being the 'buzzkill' at my BFs birthday party?"

I am 24F. My boyfriend is 28M. He isn't the type of person who likes birthday parties, but this year his friends really wanted to throw him one. He got discharged from the army (after 10 years of service) so in part it was to celebrate that.

I helped arrange this birthday party. We pooled our money and rented a house by the ocean (my boyfriend loves to surf). I put in extra money so we could stay after the birthday .. have some time, just the two of us.

I know my boyfriend very well. All of his nonverbal cues and mannerisms.. We often communicate with actions, gestures, looks. I was sitting on the sofa by the fire table warming myself. My boyfriend came over and hugged me. I could tell right away when I held his face in my hands.. they got this man so drunk.

He put his forehead on my shoulder.. I knew he is tapped out. Whenever he gets drunk like this he always comes and finds me. I know this behavior. Some time passes, i'm just stroking his hair and talking to him softly.

His friends come to get him to go off somewhere and my boyfriend has his face buried in my neck, he is holding my hand.. his fingers are interlaced with mine.. his eyes are closed.. but they're still trying to pull him away. I start resisting by holding my boyfriend to me protectively.

I tell his friends he's done for the night. He's not going anywhere. They argue with me. Keep in mind they are drunk too. I said no. He's done. You guys got him too drunk. They try to push me about it and they're being kind of aggressive? Maybe they don't realize it because they were drunk. I found it a little intimidating since I was a 5'3" woman trying to reason with loud inebriated military guys.

They are all quite older too. My boyfriend is one of the youngest people in their group. But I hold my ground. They go on without my boyfriend. Not long after.. the party winds down, and as everyone is leaving I am getting cold shouldered.. a lot. It's blatantly obvious they are upset with me. AITAH?

Edit: I didn't mean to be a buzzkill.. I was protecting my boyfriend. I know his limit. They seem mad at me for assuming they wouldn't look after him (which is not what I was implying), and that I took him away from their celebrating. They had celebrated plenty.. for hours.. (it was past midnight when this incident happened).

But they don't get to see each other often (all be in the same place at once) and I was going to have my boyfriend to myself the next day. From their perspective I was unreasonable and I spoiled their fun.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:


Who cares what those AHs think? What did your bf say about it?

You’re a keeper, he’s a keeper and they’re @$$holes.


NTA. BF knew his limit, he also knew where to go to be safe, and he went to you, and you kept him safe. You and he are good, his friends are asses. Maybe when they sober up they will be ok, but probably he's grown out of them.

[deleted] said:

You are an awesome girlfriend you stood your ground against a bunch of drunk military guys to protect your man who you know inside and out . Don't for one second think what you did was wrong in any way.

Be massively proud of yourself for looking after the person you love and not backing down even though you were scared that is real courage right there . Your boyfriend is so lucky to have you as his girlfriend I hope he is very proud of you .


NTA. You protected your man. He obviously had enough to drink. It's great that you are your bfs safe place! The friends are the AHs. Ignore the AHs and have fun with the bf tommorow!


NTA Damn this was sweet to read. I get their feelings too, but they should cut back at some point. Wishing you two all the best!


It is not that they would not look after him, it is that he asked that you , and you checked if they could, and they could not. They were all too drunk.

OP then shared this first update in the comments:

:) Here is the update: My boyfriend spoke to his friends/colleagues involved in the incident and they reached out to apologize to me. They didn’t know I felt hurt by their attitude toward me at the end of the night, they said they were just drunk and giving me a hard time (it wasn’t meant to be taken seriously) ..

Unfortunately because I’m not familiar with their humor I misinterpreted a little. They also recognized how they came across too and were genuine about it. They said they respect me and how I handled it. I’m “one of the good ones”.

Then, about a month after her original post, she shared this second update:

It will be short. I just wanted to come back and share good news. I’m engaged! 💍 And some of the guys from the incident were the same guys who helped my fiancé plan his proposal :))) it was simple and private but they helped light a lot of candles. A lot of people gave them a tough time in the comments but they’re good people. Anyway, thanks again.

Congrats you two! May you "kill each others' buzzes" as long as you both shall live.

Sources: Reddit
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