'AITA for being ungrateful about gold earrings when I only wear silver?' 'My smile shrunk.'
"AITA for being ungrateful about gold earrings when I only wear silver?"
Recently, I (21F) had my birthday and my boyfriend (21M)(of 3 years) took me out to dinner. After we had our meal he told me he had gotten a gift for me. Now usually, when he gets me gifts its never been too fancy, (e.g. last year he got me a pair of shoes I’ve been wanting and some flowers.
We’re both only in our early 20s and in college so neither of us have a lot of money so I never expected too much in terms of gifts. So when I saw the box of a company I would never even dare to look at, I was extremely excited. But when he opened the box I saw a pair of gold earrings and my smile shrunk.
I asked him why he would get me something gold if I only wear silver. He apologized but I was still a bit annoyed. And I realized he started becoming more frustrated on our way to his car.
I could tell my reaction was bugging him and eventually he dropped me off at my apartment without coming inside and didn’t even let me take the gift. I didn’t want my night ruined so I had some of my girls over and so I wasn’t really on my phone.
The morning after my birthday I realized he had called me twice and sent me a message. To paraphrase, he basically said that he didn’t realise it would be such a big deal and he never pays attention to my jewellery because he finds me beautiful with or without it - and guys just generally don’t care about jewelery.
I’m pretty torn now because I think I may have overreacted and seemed ungrateful. On the other hand, we’ve been dating for over 3 years and he doesn’t even know what jewelery I like...
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Own-Kangaroo6931 said:
YTA. You could have gratefully taken it in the spirit it was intended, then later on, maybe in a couple of days, politely said that you tried them on but maybe they don't suit you and you hope he wouldn't be offended if you could go and change them if he had the receipt...
And that just in general (if he wanted to buy you jewellery) you think that generally silver looks better on you? See how that is slightly different from effectively throwing his gift back in his fact the moment you received it?
KindlyCelebration223 said:
NTA. I don’t think you are upset just cause the earrings are gold. You are upset that after 3 years, he didn’t know you enough of take the time to pay attention enough to buy you a gift, one he took the time to spend a fair amount on, that reflects the thoughtfulness and attention to who you are.
It could have been a book or flowers or a gift card, but if it was a book you’ve already read & talked about, flowers you said you were allergic to, or a gift card to a store you never go to, it’s not really a thoughtful gift at all.
If this is a one off, talk to him about it & how it made you feel after 3 years. If this is a pattern of “guys just don’t think about this stuff” as if that means you should except less from men as partners.
OrangeCubit said:
NTA - he showed that he doesn’t pay attention to you, didn’t consider what YOU wanted or what YOU would like. I hate when people say just because something was expensive you should be grateful.
Should I buy my husband Taylor Swift tickets for his birthday? Sure he hates large crowds and her music, but they are expensive tickets! It's not about the cost, it’s about the fact he didn’t pay attention to you.
Trick_Photograph9758 said:
YTA There are tactful ways to let him know in the future that you prefer silver over gold, and you just acted like an AH. Maybe he thinks you can't afford gold, and that's why you wear silver. Maybe he just doesn't pay close attention to stuff like that. Regardless, you should just graciously accept a gift given in good spirit.
biscuitsandgravy-0 said:
YTA and I say this as a girl who now only wears gold. When someone gives you a gift, especially one as nice as the one your bf gave you, the first thing you should be saying is thank you!
You could’ve accepted the gift and been grateful for it, then sat him down later and said something like “I love the gift, and it was incredibly thoughtful. I do have a preference for silver metals over gold, would it be okay if we exchanged this?”
Additionally, if you wear enough jewelry to only prefer one metal, how has it never come up in a discussion before?
SirGuestWho said:
ESH. You for the way you told him, you basically threw his gift back in his face. And you bf for not noticing in 3 years and checking before buying something that expensive.
TielPerson said:
YTA, as a gift is more than the object itself. Maybe he tought you would appreciate something made from gold as those items are rather expensive and not something you would buy for yourself if money is tight.
So getting you those earrings was a hint towards how far he is ready to go, and you can not blame him to not know your taste of jewellery if you never explicitly talked about it with him. Three years are not long enough to get someone to know in every detail, so its completely normal that he might have missed that.
So yeah, you did overreact and did ruin the evening yourself. You could have tried to find a liking to his present and acted like he is more important to you than your taste in jewelry.
Also the whole situation is messed up, I mean its not like he bought you some cheap a%s candy ring but a decent present, and you made a scene just because he picked the wrong color? If I were your BF, I would be upset too since you showed him that getting the correct type of jewellery is more important for you than your relationship.
RandomReddit9791 said:
NTA. You've been dating for THREE YEARS. He should absolutely have notice that you ONLY wear silver jewelry. I would've been surprised and probably not so happy to receive a gift that's essentially useless to me. More importantly, I would've been sad to realize my partner doesn't know me well enough to get an appropriate gift.