'AITA for being ungrateful for my million dollar education?' 'I am a big disappointment.'

"AITA for being ungrateful for my million dollar education?"

I am a pretty mediocre person. I’m 26 and have an office job that I am just okay at & I am slowly trying to save for a home. That should be fine, but compared to my parents and siblings I am a big disappointment.

My parents are first-gen immigrants and successful professionals who have done well in their fields but are not insanely wealthy. My 3 siblings all have very impressive careers.

My parents invested heavily in our education and I wish they hadn’t done that for me, as ungrateful as it sounds. I went to expensive private schools in NYC from preschool through high school, and it wasn’t good for me.

I could never excel among the peers I had— most kids around me were either extremely smart, or extremely wealthy, and I didn’t fit in to either group. My family always said to just compete with everyone through hard work, but I had peers who regularly did 16 hour days and worked or studied through the weekends. I tried to keep up but I couldn’t, and sometimes I would get burned out and depressed.

I had a few good friends but always felt insecure. I was just kind of shy, unremarkable and boring & therefore often excluded from socializing with the more competitive or glamorous kids. I didn’t leave with some kind of spectacular network.

With all the help I had, I was able to go to a good college and an eventually prestigious first job. But my work lagged behind my peers, and my company let me know there wasn’t a future for me there.

So finally I accepted it and just got a “normal” job at a large company. I’ve accepted that I’m not on a path to a super high-paying job so I’ve decided to leave NYC for a more affordable city.

When I told my parents, it caused a huge fight: they yelled at me for not prioritizing living near family, “giving up on my dreams” and wasting all the opportunities they tried to give me. It really struck a nerve because I have felt sick about that for years.

I was given opportunities most people will never have and that less privileged people can only dream of and it was totally wasted on me. It just made feel like a disappointment.

But for once I snapped and yelled at them back. I said I never asked them to do that and I wish they hadn’t wasted their money. I said my dream was to someday have my own home, yard, family, dog and some free time.

They could have just sent me to public school and bought me a house if they really wanted my dreams to come true because all my education did for me was show me how unspecial I am and make me exhausted and depressed.

Now my parents and siblings have all called me ungrateful and aren’t speaking to me. After 16 years of private school and 4 years of university, my parents spent literally over a million dollars on my education.

I know I’m not entitled to a single dollar of their money, but I hate that they wasted it and it will take a very long time for me to afford a home, and I will never live a life as nice as the one I grew up with, so I can’t help wishing things had been different.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Autonomnervoussystem said:

What's wrong with a safe, mediocre life? You're not an addict or in jail, it's just their vanity speaking. You do you, don't give a sh*t to family expectations. That's the way of becoming a real adult. NTA.

hadMcDofordinner said:

You need to find your bliss. It's obviously not the job you have now. Being away from your family is probably a good thing as you seem to have never been encouraged to do things you liked doing. Because of that, you don't think of yourself as someone who can excel, who has talent, etc.

Find a life coach. A real one, a good one. And find the little spark in you that will allow you to be happier in your everyday work life. NTA But stop being passive and use the job/money you have now to prepare for a new career that will bring you satisfaction and a little joy. A lot of people need to feel useful, maybe that's what you're missing.

Exodor72 said:

NTA and don't let them bully you into a life that doesn't make you happy. Not everyone needs to be an achiever or prioritize their job. We all find our own path and it doesn't really sound like you've ever had a chance to find yours but instead had everything planned for you by your parents.

SnooCupcakes3634 said:

NTA. Honestly, your career sounds like the dream. The fancy careers have so many stresses, so much liability, so much training. It's just not worth it and ppl who go into those fields lose out so much on just enjoying life, which is far more important.

WantToBelieveInMagic said:

NTA. You owe yourself to be as happy as you can. Comparison will suck the joy out of anything. Who knows, your spectacular siblings could be tremendously jealous of your more peaceful life. Just let it all go and be as happy as you can be.

nova9001 said:

NTA. You tried your best and you just weren't able to keep up. It sucks but if elites were just able to pump out more elites, there would be no place for anyone in the world. Life is fair.