'AITA for being upset that my engagement ring used to belong to my fiancé’s mom?'

"AITA for being upset that my engagement ring used to belong to my fiancé’s mom?"

I (25F) got engaged to my fiancé (27M) on my birthday. The proposal itself was sweet and the ring is honestly really pretty. It’s around $2k, nice quality, definitely something I would’ve picked if I was shopping.

The problem is…it’s not actually from him. The ring used to be his mom’s. She just bought it for herself back in 2014 on a shopping trip, wore it a bit, then stopped using it. She gave it to him and said he should give it to me. So it’s not like a family heirloom or sentimental thing, it’s basically a “here, I don’t use this anymore, you can have it” type of situation.

At first I didn’t say anything, but two days later I told him, “Doesn’t it kind of look like a wedding band? I feel like this is more of a wedding ring than an engagement ring.” He said, “No, it looks fine to me.” He also told me later that he almost cried when his mom gave it to him because he thought it showed how much she loves us.

About two weeks later I tried again and said, “Please don’t take this personally, but an engagement ring is supposed to be a one-time thing, and the one I have feels like it represents your mom more than us. It was given to me because she wasn’t using it.” He apologized for making me feel that way and said he doesn’t want to dismiss my feelings, but that was it.

He never said anything like, “I’ll get you another one” or “let’s pick something together.” I even half-joked, “Maybe I should upgrade on our anniversary?” (which is only 4 months away) and he just looked disappointed. So now I’m sitting here thinking…AITA for feeling this way? And would I be an AH if I just bought myself a ring that actually feels like an engagement ring?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Rikunda said:

YTA. You are aware the ring isn't important? It is a tradition born from an old De Beers ad. You mention the cost which makes me think that is important to you. The ring is a bonus, not the part that matters.

Squinky75 said:

YTA. You said yourself that it's pretty, you like it and you would've picked it out yourself. You are acting pretty entitled and bratty.

sickandopinionated said:

YTA You loved the ring before you knew he didn't have to pay money for it, then suddenly you wanted more/different.

pretenderist said:

NTA, stop wearing it and ask him if you can go pick something out together.

Used-Meaning-1468 said:

So he loves you enough to propose to you. His mom loves you enough that she even gave one of her rings for him to do it, and you don't feel like it's special? YTA.

yourlittlebirdie said:

NTA. It seems like he cares more about his own feelings towards your ring than yours. That’s not a great sign.