'AITA for being upset my friend essentially called my mom a bad person for looking older than her age?'

"AITA for being upset that my friend essentially called my mom a bad person for looking older than her age?"

My friend (18F) came to my house for a spa day. As my mom was bringing us popcorn and face masks, my friend started talking about how she believes people’s insides begin to match their outsides in middle and old age.

She said wrinkles are the result of frowning and holding your face in negative expressions, so if you look older than your age, it’s typically due to living a life of negativity and hate.

Right as my mom walked away, she asked me “how old is your mom.” I answered and she said “she looks much older. Her glabellar lines and age spots seem more like those of a woman in her sixties.”

I said “are you calling my mom a b-word because she has wrinkles?” She said no, that it’s just an observation. I said my mom has survived several life-threatening illnesses in the past ten years, which tends to affect the appearance, and that I find her comments disgusting.

She said I need to calm down because it’s not that deep, and that it’s hard being friends with me because I’m so reactive. AITA for thinking she’s calling my mom a bad person?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Linkcott18 wrote:

NTA.

How do you get to be 18 years old and believe stuff like that?

LainieCat wrote:

I worked with a woman in her 30s who decided to stop smiling because it causes wrinkles. We thought she was joking, but she meant it. I felt sorry for her husband and kids, especially her daughter.

SleepDeprivedMummy wrote:

NTA. If someone said something like that about my Mom - especially when she’s had a stressful time and challenging health issues - they would be an ex-friend so fast their head would spin. Your ‘friend’ is rude and your Mom doesn’t deserve that when all she’s been is kind.

floofieunderpants wrote:

NTA it obviously is that deep if she feels the need to preach such rubbish. As a mum who has gone through two very hard surgeries this year, if my kids had a friend who said this to them they'd be exactly the same as you OP. And the friend would be an ex friend. So good for you for sticking up for your mum.

Your mum has raised a wonderful daughter with you so don't change. Love to your mum and glad she has made it through. So what if she has a few wrinkles, they're all part of our journey through life. I have a fair few scars now and I don't mind them at all, I'm quite proud of them. Without them I most probably wouldn't still be here.

HungryTeapot wrote:

NTA. You'll find that if you decide to be just as rude about your friend's mum, all of a sudden your friend will be upset and would be annoyed if you brushed it off as not that deep. Sometimes people like this need a mirror in order to see what's wrong. Other times they're just arseholes and not really your friend. It's up to you to figure out which it is, but it's better doing it sooner rather than later.

maybebaebea wrote:

NTA. You're not "too reactive." You're reacting perfectly normal for this situation. If someone looked at my grandma and told me, "Yeah, she looks a lot older than she actually is," right after telling me that a person's true nature starts showing later in life, that person would be getting dropped immediately.

edenhoneyy wrote:

That ‘friend’ is gonna get a rude shock when she realises that aging is genetic and while poor lifestyle choices can accelerate it, so can illness, working hard, sun exposure, literally a million things can affect aging. She’s gonna be one of those friends who probably ages poorly as a karma consequence.

Donequis wrote:

"It's not that deep"

Girl, you're the one saying if you look old early, it's only because you're mean and hateful. Not anyone else's fault you were dumb and forgot stress and medical conditions exist lmao.

NTA, and my petty self would start asking if she has a weird mascara line at the edge of her eyes or is it the start of crows feet. I cannot stand people who assume wrinkles and/or white hair means that a woman is less-than. (They never say this about men too 😒)

Shadow4summer wrote:

NTA. I sure as hell hope your mother didn’t hear that. Due to health reasons, I’ve probably aged 10 years in two. To hear someone say something like I must be a hateful/hate filled, unhappy person would be devastating, as nothing is further from the truth. You need to drop this shallow friend.

unicornhair1991 wrote:

NTA. Tell your "friend" that she has the personality of a disease so she's gonna look ugly very young if she doesn't change her tune. And BTW smiling and laughing gives wrinkles. They're literally called "laughter lines" so your friend is full of crap and either incredibly dumb or seems to be making a pointed jab at your mom. Send your friend this post thread. Might wake her up a bit 🤷‍♀️

muchquery wrote:

I was very sick for just over half a year recently. Lost a lot of weight. Skin didn't spring back into its place afterwards. So now I look sickly and older than I actually am. I have gained much weight due to meds now and can't seem to fix it.

Wedlerok9617 wrote:

NTA. Your mom made you guys snacks and she repaid her by insulting her appearance behind her back. Then she tried to gas light you. Your mom will always be a beautiful person because she survived these illnesses, cares for others and supports you. Your friend is ugly because she is manipulative and rude. It is only going to get worse. Dump her as a friend.

No-tie-512 wrote:

NTA. Your friend is a shallow person who only sees people's outward appearance. On top of badmouthing your mom she also minimised your reaction. Pretty unpleasant person to be around if you ask me.