'AITA for being upset that my mom didn’t celebrate my birthday that well?'
"AITA for being upset that my mom didn’t celebrate my birthday that well?"
I (20F) just had my birthday yesterday. I had plans beforehand (like I do every year since I was 17) to see a movie and get dinner with my friends, which had been set about a week ago.
A few days ago, my mom was obviously upset by this, and she asked why I wasn’t spending the night with my family (2 uncles, and an aunt), and I responded that I had these plans set in advance, but I was happy to move them since my friends have flexible schedules. She told me it was fine to spend time with my friends, and so I treated it as such.
Later, she asks why I didn’t want to spend my birthday with my family. Repeat the same offer to move friend plans and same denial to do so. I told her (albeit a bit frustrated) that to me it wasn’t a big deal on what exact day I celebrated my birthday, if I wanted to spend it later with my friends I could, and I could do it with my family on the exact day.
She declined again and said “it was my day and I could do what I wanted,” but “if I was in my college town (out of state) it would be okay to spend my 20th with my friends, but I’m back home so I should want to spend it with my family.” Repeat loop. My birthday came up, and in the morning, she told me happy birthday. The day before, she gave me my gift of pajama pants and socks with my cat’s face on it.
Super cute, I think it was a sweet gesture, but that was it. At the risk of sounding like a prick, it didn’t feel genuine or like it was enough. I need to mention that my mom has mentioned multiple times that this year was the year she’s made the most money she’s ever made before any assumptions are made.
I feel like it’s okay to be a little disappointed with only receiving socks and pants that were a total of 11 bucks, knowing that she’s been ordering smaller bags for herself and treating other people on their birthdays incredibly well. While the gift itself is sweet and I do like it, it doesn’t feel like a genuine gift that shows care.
The entire day, she was just acting like she was annoyed with my existence. I had a doctor’s appointment set on that day, and on the way back I brought her coffee, and she said “Oh. Thanks. This isn’t what you usually get me though.”
(It was) As I was leaving to meet with my friends, she was on call with her friends who said that “birthdays were for moms too!” and that today they’d be celebrating her. It was on speaker and she knows I can hear her through the house, so I was a bit taken aback by this, but I just brushed it off because I wanted to have a good time.
I feel like she could’ve done more to at least try and celebrate my birthday and tried to act like she wasn’t just annoyed with a decision that I made that she told me over and over that it was okay.
I understand that she would be upset over me not spending it with my family, but I told her over and over my friends have a flexible schedule and it could be any other time, and we could do a birthday thing with my family now. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
remote_difference210 wrote:
ESH. Mom's passive aggressive and you sound entitled. She got you a cute gift so you should be thankful for that. You sound a bit greedy for being so angry about the gift you received.
OP responded:
I’m not angry about the gift, this year she has been saying she’s making the most money she’s ever made in her entire career to everyone. She’s also been buying more bags and things for herself recently for the holidays, which is why I’m upset.
SoulSiren_22 wrote:
ESH. Your mom for making your birthday about herself and guilt-tripping you and you for thinking that even though you showed her you prefer to spend your birthday with others, you are entitled to a big gift and a big deal. She gave you sth cute you liked and you are expecting it to be much more and a bigger deal.
OP responded:
I didn’t ask for my birthday to be a big deal, nor do I ever like it being like that. I also mentioned in another comment she has mentioned several times this year that she says she’s making the most money she ever has and has been buying bags for herself recently, and also treats others around her with bigger things for their birthdays which is why I felt a bit sour about mine.
I still had a good time regardless, and it’s not that big of a deal. I’m still happy with the gift I got because I know that a present is a present too.
FireballXLV wrote:
My bet would be that your Mom wanted you around to show off her “mothering skills “ to others. You did not play along so she punished you by giving you a nothing-burger gift. Your mom is fake, OP. So sorry. Build up your friendships. Good friends care about BDs.
Contentcontact3254 wrote:
INFO: Did you ever suggest that you could celebrate your birthday with her on a different day? As I am wondering if she totally misunderstood you and thought you didn't want to celebrate with her and your family.
OP responded:
Yes, I offered several times when she brought it up that I would be happy to spend my birthday with my family any day, including my birthday.